PLAYDATE

  THE PLAYDATE, MY LITTLE MAN AND HIS FRIEND. AND THEY ARE ENJOYING THE CLIMBER......

NEW BOOK.......

I RECEIVED A GIFT FROM MY BEST FRIEND, THELMA.  SHE GAVE ME, "LOVE MUST BE TOUGH" BY DR JAMES DOBSON.

I WANT TO QUOTE THIS; "IN ANY APATHETIC OR DYING MARRIAGE, THERE IS TYPICALLY ONE PARTNER WHO IS RELATIVELY UNCONCERNED ABOUT THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM, WHILE THE OTHER IS ANXIOUS OR EVEN PANIC-STICKEN OVER IT. THE DETACHED SPOUSE, WHETHER HUSBAND OR WIFE, MAY NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH DANGER THE MARRIAGE IS IN OR MAY NOT CARE. THEREFORE, THAT PERSON RESISTS ANY EFFORT BY HIS MATE TO ENTICE HIM INTO COUNSELING OR COMPROMISES OR EVEN MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS TO ADDRESS THEIR DIFFICULTIES."

I DIDN'T NOTICE THE DISTANCE....... BUT I DID CARE.  BUT TO LATE, HE SAYS......

METEOR?????

I TOOK THESE PICTURES THE OTHER DAY.  I WONDER IF IT WAS A METEOR?

MY NEW CAMERA

 

WENT OUT TODAY TO TAKE PICTURES.  IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY.....   THE BROWN PELICAN WAS A COUPLE OF FEET FROM ME.  LIKE HE WAS SAYING, "TAKE MY PICTURE."  IF ONLY I CENTER BETTER......

BUT I AM LOVING MY CAMERA.  SEEING THE WORLD IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT.......  ENJOY.......

AFTER CHRISTMAS...

  THE SNOWMAN, MY BABY GIRL AND MY LITTLE MAN MADE THIS ONE. IT WAS JUNIOR SIZE.... TO COLD FOR HER TO MAKE IT BIGGER.......  

  HERE IS THE CLIMBER.  WE FINALLY PUT IT UP YESTERDAY.  WE HAD PLANNED ON PUTTING IT TOGETHER ON CHRISTMAS EVE, BUT WITH THE SNOW AND COLDNESS.  WE WAITED..... BUT LAST NIGHT WE FINALLY PUT IT TOGETHER ALONG WITH THE SWING SET. AND THE LITTLE MAN  ENJOYED IT.  WOULDN'T EVEN COME IN AFTER IT TURNED DARK. HE IS GOING TO LIVING IN THE BACKYARD. I KNOW IT.......

MORE CHRISTMAS PICTURES....

THIS MORNING, I WOKE UP TO THIS  

  

WE GOT ABOUT 5 INCH....... MY BACKYARD......    

 

 THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE.  IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.....  

    

 

 I MADE A SNOW ANGEL.  I, TOO WAS HAVING FUN...... MY KIDS, EVEN THE LITTLE MAN WERE HAVING SNOW FIGHTS, FUNNNN.......

 

    THIS IS THE FRONT OF MY HOUSE. THIS WAS A VERY MEMORABLE CHRISTMAS.  NICE.  AND I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A ROUGH CHRISTMAS. BUT THIS KIND OF CHANGE THE DAY.......   I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS DAY!!!!!! I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, TOO........

WHITE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

      WELL, IT CHRISTMAS.  AND WE HAVE SNOW.  CAN YOU BELEIVE IT. DOWN IN SOUTH TEXAS AND IT'S SNOWING......... FOR ONCE WE HAVE A WHITE CHRISTMAS....... THIS WAS A NICE SURPRISE. WE ALSO OPENED PRESENT EARLY.  AND I HAVE A NEW DIGITAL CAMERA.... KODAK EASYSHARE DX7630.  THE PICTURES ARE A FEW THAT I HAVE TAKEN, STILL LEARNING HOW TO WORK IT.  BUT IT'S NICE....... HAS VIDEO, MY LAST CAMERA DID NOT.  SO WELL SEE WHAT I CAN DO WITH THAT..... WELL OFF TO SLEEP.  MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.......

MY BABY GIRL........

MY BABY GIRL TURNS 14, TODAY.  SHE IS GROWING TO BE A BEAUTIFUL LADY.......

SHE HAS HELP ME ALOT FOR THE HOLIDAYS.  SHE HELP DECORATED AND HAS HELP MAKE GOODIE'S FOR FAMILY AND MY HUSBAND EMPLOYEES. ALONG WITH THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE.

SHE IS MY ANGEL!!!!(MY BABY GIRL)

PART 2: TO ARMOR OF AN UNHAPPY PARTNER.....

LAST PARAGRAPH: MATURE LOVE, THEY WRITE, COMES WHEN EACH PERSON HAS GROWN WITH THE OTHER'S HELP, AND WHEN BOTH PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO GIVE AND RECEIVE-"IT'S THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT REWARD."

CAN THIS BE TRUE; CAUSE THE OTHER PARTNER HAS TO BE WILLING TOO...........

ARMOR OF AN UNHAPPY PARTNER......

I READ THIS TODAY FROM OPRAH MAGAZINE.  ARTICLE: LETTING LOVE IN. OCT. 2004.....

"IT'S SURPRISING HOW OFTEN THE COMPLIMENTS, APPRECIATION, AND ENCOURAGEMENT OF A WELL-INTENTIONED PARTNER MAKE NO DENT IN THE ARMOR OF AN UNHAPPY PARTNER.

HARVILLE TICKS OFF THE WAYS WE DEFLECT WHAT WE SECRETLY CRAVE: BY DEVALUING PRAISE; BY ASSUMING THE OTHER PERSON IS INSINCERE; BY CRITICIZING THE SENDER OF A POSITIVE MESSAGE FOR NOT GETTING IT RIGHT, NOT DOING IT ON TIME, OR NOT DOING IT OFTEN ENOUGH; BY NOT LISTENING; OR BY FEELING EMBARRASSED.  WE ALSO BLOCK LOVING WORDS BY HARDENING OUR CHEST AND STOMACH MUSCLES."

KEEPING YOUR GUARD UP IN A RETIONSHIP IS GUARANTEED TO KEEP THE LOVE OUT, TOO......

SOME WORDS I THOROUGH WERE SO TRUE....

THE CLEARING.......

I RENTED THIS MOVIE, THIS WEEKEND......

THIS WAS A HEARTBREAKER, AND THAT NOTE. THAT IS SO TRUE.  TRUE LOVE........

IF YOU LOVE ME, I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED.

THAT QUOTE TOUCHES THE HEART.  ALL WE WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE US...... WITH ALL THEIR HEART.

OTHER MOVIE I SAW THIS WEEKEND WAS; "THE DOOR IN THE FLOOR."  NOW, THAT IS FOR ADULTS ONLY.......  BUT IT WAS SOMEWHAT INTERESTING.  IT HAD A PLOT AND SHOCKNESS TO IT....

I DID GET THE BIG PRESENT FOR MY LITTLE MAN.....   NOW, TO PUT IT TOGETHER WITHOUT HIM SEE IT.....

                      

LITTLE TIKES VARIETY CLIMBER WITH SWING SET. THE PICTURE DOES NOT SHOW THE SWING SET BUT WE GOT LUCK.  WE PURCHASED THE LAST ONE AT TOYRUS.  IT WAS MEANT TO BE, HUH......  HE IS GOING TO LOVE IT........  HE LOVES TO BE OUTSIDE, SO HERE COMES LONG DAYS OUTSIDE......

My Little Man......

HERE'S MY LITTLE MAN AND HIS CHRISTMAS BOOK.  THEY HAD EACH CHILD BRING A BOOK PRESENT.  HE LOOKED THOROUGH HIS BOOK AND WAS NAMING EVERYTHING IN THE BOOK.  SO CUTE........

MY HUSBAND AND KIDS.......

I AM FRUSTRATED WITH MY HUSBAND ON HOW HE IS ACTING. OK, HE WANTS TO BE HERE FOR HIS KIDS, BUT THIS IS WHAT HE IS DOING.  HE IS IN MANAGEMENT, SO I UNDERSTAND THERE IS NO SET HOURS.......  WELL, THEY HAVE AN EMPLOYEE PLAYROOM, THEY JUST ADDED A INDOOR TABLE TENNIS.  EVERYDAY THIS WEEK, HE HAS STAYED AFTER WORK TO PLAY WITH THE EMPLOYEES.  AND I AM OK WITH HIM PLAYING BUT EVERYDAY.  I PUT MY SON TO SLEEP BY 8PM.  BUT LAST NIGHT, I LET HIM STAY UP SO HE COULD SEE HIS FATHER.  HE WAS IN BED AT 9PM, BECAUSE HIS FATHER GOT HOME AT 8. I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING TO HIM.  HE COULD TELL I WAS UPSET, BUT I KNOW I NEED TO TELL HIM.......

BUT THIS IS HOW HE THINKS......  HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BE A FATHER.  HE LOSE HIS FATHER WHEN HE WAS 5 YEARS OLD AND ONLY HAD HIS MOTHER.  THEN HIS MOTHER DIED WHEN HE WAS 15. SO I COULD SOMEWHAT UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOES NOT KNOW, BUT SHOULDN'T IT BE INTUITION.  SHOULN IT!!!!!  I FEEL THAT WAY.  I DIDN'T HAVE GREAT PARENTS. MY CHILDHOOD IS ANOTHER STORY BUT I HAVE BEEN A GOOD MOTHER TO MY KIDS.  AND MY HUSBAND WILL TELL ANYONE THAT, BUT FOR ME TO SAY THAT ABOUT HIM.  I CAN'T. HE IS GOING TO BE A 5 MIN. DAD.  THAT'S WHAT MY FRIEND HAS TOLD ME.  HE IS TRYING IN THE BEGINNING BUT ONCE THEY ARE COMPLAINING OR FUSSING.  HE IS FRUSTRATED. I HAVE PUT THE EXTRA EFFORT BECAUSE OF MY KIDS, BUT NOW THAT HE WANTS THE DIVORCE.  I WONDER ABOUT MY KIDS WITH HIM...........

 

MY LIST FOR TODAY.......

1. GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. I NEED TO FINISH........ I'M SO BEATING MYSELF UP BECAUSE I SHOULD OF DONE THIS WITHOUT MY HUSBAND AND NOW IS LAST MIN. THINGS.  AND THE LITTLE MAN, HIS CLIMBER MIGHT HAVE TO WAIT TILL AFTER CHRISTMAS.  SO SAD, I SHOULD OF DONE IT EARLIER............

2. GET SUPPLIES FOR PARTY TRAYS.  COOOKING..........

3. TRAVEL TO SAN ANTONIO ON SUNDAY......

SCHOOL VACATION!!!

YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. AND IT STARTED WITH PROBLEMS.

MY OLDEST (16TH) AND HER FRIENDS WERE OVER. AND I WAS WORKING IN MY BEDROOM.  I FIGURE SHE COULD TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING... BUT!!!!

THEY WANTED TO CELEBRATE THE END OF THE SEMESTER BY BURNING SOME PAPERS IN THE FIREPLACE.  WELL.......

THEY DIDN'T OPEN THE VENT AND ALL THE SMOKE CAME INTO THE HOUSE. THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF WHILE I WAS WORKING....

BOY SHE WAS IN TROUBLE....  NOW, I DIDN'T EMBARASS HER IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS. BUT ONCE MY HUSBAND CAME HOME AND TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPEN.  WE HAD A TALK WITH HER.....   BUT THE SAD THING IS SHE DOESN'T THINK SHE DID WRONG AND THAT IT WAS NOTHING.  SINCE THE HOUSE DIDN'T BURN DOWN.

BOY..... TEENAGE YEARS, SHE IS REALLY TRYING ME......  I CAN GET THE SMOKE OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW.

I DO HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS.....  I HAD A PHONE INTERVIEW WITH A COMPANY THAT I APPLIED.  I'M CROSSING MY FINGERS THAT I DID WELL......  I PRAYED THAT I WILL HEAR BACK FROM THIS COMPANY.  THEY ARE A HUGH COMPANY AND A GREAT BENEFIT TO WORK.  I'LL EXPLAIN OTHER DAY, IF I DO GET HIRE...  I HOPE I HEAR SOMETHING BEFORE THE NEW YEAR....  THAT WOULD BE A GREAT WAY TO END THE YEAR..... BEING THAT THIS YEAR WAS SOOOOOOOOO BAD FOR ME.  BUT I HAVE GROWN AND LEARNED SO MUCH OF MYSELF.......

POINSETTIA......

      

I FINALLY TOKE THESE PICTURES.  I DON'T REMEMBER WHEN THESE FLOWERS WERE PLANTED.  BUT EVERY YEAR, IT IS A TREAT TO SEE.  THEY (WHICH IS 2 HOUSE, SIDE BY SIDE) LIGHT THEM UP EVERY YEAR DURING CHRISTMAS.   I'M GLAD I FINALLY TOKE THEM........ 

TOO CUTE!!!!!

  THIS IS MY BABY GIRL..... SHE WILL BE TURNING 14, ON THE 23RD. WE DECIDE THAT WE WOULD GET A CELL PHONE FOR HER BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR. AND WE WOULD SURPRISED HER. HERES THE STORY, THIS IS CUTE....... SHE SITS IN THE LIVING ROOM EVERY NIGHT BY HER CHRISTMAS STOCKING. SO WE DECIDEDTO PUT IT IN HER STOCKING, AND CALL HER CELL PHONE.  OH.... RIGHT NEXT TO HER STOCKING IS THE BABY'S TOY BASKET.  THIS IS IMPORTANT.  I CALLED HER PHONE AND IT RANGED AND RANGED THEN VOICEMAIL CAME ON.  SO I CALLED AGAIN, IT RANG AND RANGED, THIS TIME, WE LOOKED DOWN THE HALLWAY AND NOTICED THAT SHE WAS LOOKING THRU THE TOY BASKET TO FIND THIS NOISE.  OH.... I HAD HER RINGER SET ON CHRISTMAS SONGS.  I YELLED DOWN THE HALLWAY,  "LOOK IN YOUR STOCKING." WITH SO MUCH SURPRISE ON HER FACE, SHE FINALLY FOUND IT.  SHE HAD THIS BIG SMILE, AND SHE THANKED US........ SHE WAS SO HAPPY.  I ONLY WISH I HAD THOUGHT ABOUT MY CAMCORDER.  I WOULD LOVED TO HAVE THAT ON VIDEO........ MAYBE EVEN SENT IT TO AFF.  THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND.

THE WEEKEND.......

THIS WEEKEND WAS DIFFICULT.  BEING THE HOLIDAYS AND THE HOUSEHOLD. NOT TO MENTION THE MOST IS DEALING WITH MY HUSBAND.  I HAD AN EYE OPENER CONVERSATION WITH HIM.  AND I AM TRY TO BE STRONG FOR MY KIDS.  BUT I WISH THINGS COULD BE DIFFERENT, RIGHT NOW.

I KNOW I WISH I COULD KNOW EVERYTHING SO I COULD ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON.  BUT SOMETHING ARE NOT POSSIBLE.  I JUST NEED TO DEAL WITH WHAT I CAN. AND MOVE ON FROM THAT.

MY HUSBAND IS A PIECE OF WORK. IN SOMEWAY, I DO SEE THAT I LET THIS HAPPEN (THINGS) AND LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN.  BUT I AM SLOWLY LEARNING FROM IT.  I GUESS PRACTICE MAKES IT PERFECT.  AND BEING STEP ON TO MANY TIMES, I'LL EVENTUAL SAY ENOUGH.

THIS WHOLE YEAR WAS BAD FOR ME.  I HOPE THE NEW YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT..........

AS FOR MY LIST, NOT THIS WEEK........  I AM LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME.  HAHA.......

GOOD NEWS!!!

I HAVE GOOD NEWS.    I HAVE DAYCARE IN LINE FOR MY LITTLE MAN.

HE HAS BEEN GOING TO MOTHERS DAY OUT PROGRAM, AND I BEEN WAYING FOR A SPOT.  WELL, TODAY I HEARD THAT THERE IS A SPOT FOR HIM. NOW, TO FIND THAT JOB.  I KNOW NOW THAT EMPLOYERS PUT A HOLD ON HIRING UNTILL THE NEW YEAR, BUT I AM PRAYING THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN THIS YEAR.  I NEED TO START WORKING FULL-TIME CAUSE THIS PART-TIME IS NOT WORKING.

WORK,WORK,WORK. THIS WORK AT HOME CAN BE LONELY!!! SO COMMUNICATING WITH CO-WORKERS SOUNDS GREAT.

~~ MY LIST 12/06/04 ~~

I HAD A BUSY DAY YESTERDAY. SHOPPING, TRYED TO START ON THE CHRISTMAS LIST. BUT MY DAUGHTER NEEDED A OUTFIT FOR THIS TUESDAY. BAND CONCERT!!! SHE HAS A SOLO TO PLAY AND IS NERVES.  SHE HAS BEEN PLAYING HER FLUTE OVER AND OVER AND OVER. CAN WAIT TILL TUESDAY.  NOT THAT I COMPLAINING.  I LOVED TO HEAR THE BAND PLAY, BUT TO HEAR HER OVER AND OVER.  MY SANITY!!!

ALSO STILL RECOVERING FROM MY TRIP THIS WEEKEND.  WHEN TO SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS FOR THE FOOTBALL GAME.  WE LOSSED 26-13, BUT WE WERE 13-1. 

  THIS WAS ON MY CAR TO AND FROM SAN ANTONIO.  WE HAD HONKS, SO MANY. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.........

THE GUYS DID A GREAT JOB, FOUGHT TO THE END. I DIDN'T GET HOME TILL 2AM.  THEN WOKE UP WITH THE LITTLE ONE AT 8 AM.  DIDN'T NAP, BECAUSE OF THE SHOPPING AND ETC...  MOTHERS WORK IS NEVER DONE, HUH!!!!!!

WILL NOW THE NEW WEEK,

1. WORK MY HOURS & GRAB HOURS FOR NEXT WEEK.   DONE.

2. TRY TO KEEP LOOKING FOR WORK. OR HIT IT HARD AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR.   STILL LOOKING.

3. DT APPT ON WED.    DONE.

4. DAUGHTER'S DENTIST APPT ON FRIDAY.   DONE.

NEED TO INCLUDE.

6. CHRISTMAS CD. TO GET INTO THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. DONE

~~ LIST

MY SHORT LIST FOR THIS WEEK:

1. GET TICKETS FOR THE FOOTBALL GAME. (ALMOST TO STATE. GO G-P.) DONE

2. GET MORE HOURS TO WORK NEXT WEEK.

3. GET A HAIRCUT. DONE

    I CUT MY BANGS.  I WANTED THEM TO FEATHER BACK.

4. GET DIRECTION FOR THE STADIUM. DONE

5. WORK ON LOOKING FOR WORK. THE FREE TIME THAT I HAVE.

WELL, OFF TO GET THIS ACCOMPLISHED!!!!

STATEMENT

I READ THIS STATEMENT THE OTHER DAY,

"IS WHAT I'M DOING AND WHAT I'M SAYING BRINGING US CLOSER TOGETHER, OR PUSHING US FURTHER APART?"

I NEED TO KEEP THIS IN MIND. WITH ANY RELATIONSHIP!! RIGHT NOW, WITH MY DAUGHTER.  WE ARE NOT SEE THINGS CLEARLY; FROM HER VIEW AND MY VIEW.  BUT I KNOW SHE FEELS LIKE I'M NOT BEING SUPPORTIVE. I THINK I AM BUT MAYBE THERE IS SOMETHING I DO NOT SEE.

TIME WILL ONLY TELL.  SHE IS ALSO A TEENAGE. ~~ REBEL STAGE!!!

!!!! MIXED EMOTION !!!!!

THESE PASS COUPLE OF DAYS I HAVE BEEN FEELING REALLY DOWN.

I WOKE UP THANKSGIVING DAY WITH A COLD BUT I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH SO MANY MIXING EMOTION TOO. MY HUSBAND HAS DECIDED TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS HERE WITH HIS KIDS AND ME. HE STARTED DECORATING THE HOUSE THIS WEEKEND.  I FEEL LIKE HE IS TRYING TO GIVE THE KIDS 1 LAST HAPPY CHRISTMAS.  BUT I CAN'T HELP TO FEEL SAD THAT THIS WILL BE OUR LAST ONE TOGETHER. AND ANGER AND HURT AND UPSET. JUST TO MUCH, BUT THEN I THINK OF MY KIDS AND THAT THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME. WE WILL ALL BE TOGETHER.

I WONDER IF I COULD MAKE IT A HAPPY ONE?

THEN, THERE IS MY FEELS FOR MY HUSBAND. I DIDN'T WANT THIS DIVORCE, MY HUSBAND DOES. I STILL LOVE HIM AND WANT HIM. SO WITH HIM HERE. I HAVE MANY MIXING EMOTHIONS.  THIS IS TO MUCH FOR ME.

I START TO THINK THAT MAYBE HE WILL CHANGE HIS MIND. THAT MAKING THIS CHRISTMAS. A HAPPY ONE, HE WOULD SEE WHAT HE WOULD LOSE. BUT IT'S NOT THE KIDS THAT HE WANTS TO LEAVE.  IT'S ME. IT'S ME THAT HE DOES NOT WANT. AND I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT EVEN THROUGH I FEEL THE WAY I DO. MY HEART STILL BREAKS.

I JUST HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF OF THAT. HE IS HERE FOR THE KIDS. BUT, THE BIG "BUT" FOR ME, HOW DO I CONTROL MY FEELINGS? HOW CAN I STOP WISHING?

MY DAUGHTER!!

   SWEET 16!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEET 16!!!   YES, MY OLDEST IS 16 TODAY. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.  HOW FAST SHE HAS GROWN. I STILL REMEMBER HER AS A BABY.  SHE WAS A BEAUTIFUL BABY. AND SHE HAS DONE ALOT OF THINGS.  AND HAS PUT ME THOUGH ALOT. I DO HAVE A SECTION OF GRAYS BECAUSE OF HER.  BUT I HAVE ENJOY PARENTING HER. I LOVE MY SWEET 16!!!!!

MY MARRIAGE

I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY MARRIAGE.

EVEN IF MY HUSBAND DIDN'T HAVE AN AFFAIR AND HE DECIDES NOT TO GET A DIVORCE. WE HAVE MAJOR PROBLEMS.

I THINK HE IS NOT LISTENING TO ME AND HE IS SET IN HIS WAYS.  I KNOW THAT COUPLES ARGUE BUT LIKE HOW I HAD MENTION (DR. PHIL), IT'S HOW YOU WORK THINGS OUT(FOR EACH COUPLE IT MAY BE DIFFERENT) THAT MAKES IT WORK. THAT IS WHAT I SEE WITH MY HUSBAND. HE DOES NOT WANT TO FIND, WHAT MAKE IT WORK FOR US.  AND THAT'S WHY I THINK WE WILL STILL GET THE DIVORCE.

MY HEART IS STILL BREAKING BECAUSE I AM STILL HOLDING ON TO HIM.  HE IS STILL HELPING ME WITH THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE. SINCE, I AM STILL RECOVERING FROM THE SURGERY. BUT THESE DAYS HAVE BEEN HARD.  BEFORE THE SURGERY IT WAS STATED THE HE WOULD MOVE OUT ONCE I WAS BACK ON MY FEET.  NO TIME LINE GIVEN . BUT NOW THAT I'M RECOVERING, IT LOOKS LIKE HE IS DRAGGING HIS FEET ON WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO. TIME WILL ONLY TELL. 

MY GIRL!!!

  I MADE THIS TODAY.  SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE HAS ATTITUDE. AND THAT SHE IS ALL THAT!!!!

THIS IS WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR!!!

I ALSO READ THIS FROM "THE COURAGE TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER" BY SHEILA ELLISON.

SHE QUOTES ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND; "YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN ANYTHING THAT WE DISAGREE ABOUT," REACHING TOWARD ME WITH HEALING, LOVE, AND PERSPECTIVE ON WHATEVER ISSUE I CAN'T SEEM TO LET GO OF.

NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL TRUE LOVE.  MY OPINION!!

I HAVE ALSO READ; "RELATIONSHIP RESCUE BY DR. PHIL.  HE MENTION HOW PARTNER'S COULD DISAGREE IN SO MANY WAYS BUT TO REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.  AND THEIR DIFFERENCES ARE JUST THAT.  DIFFERENCES!!! 

IT'S HOW YOU WORK WITH EACH OTHER THAT MAKES YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED BY READING DR. PHIL'S BOOK. IS SAD TO ME BECAUSE IT'S TO LATE FOR MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND.  OR SO HE SAYS.  I HAVE LEARNED TO ACCEPT THAT. I KEEP THINKING TO MYSELF, IT'S HIS LOST.  NOT THAT I'M PERFECT BUT I TRUELY DO LOVE HIM AND WANTED TO WORK THINGS OUT.  BUT HE DOESN'T, SO WHAT CAN I DO.  ((NOTHING))!!!!!!

I ALSO HEARD THIS TODAY. I CAN'T REMEMBER THE EXACT WORDS BUT IT WAS LIKE;  FALLING IN LOVE THE FIRST TIME IS NICE, BUT TO ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER AGAIN THE SECOND TIME IS BETTER.   IT WAS ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA, ABOUT A WIFE HAVE AN AFFAIR.  AND THEY WERE GOING TO RENEW THEIR VOWS.  SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.

MY HUSBAND

TODAY I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND.  WE BOTH AGREE. THAT MY HUSBAND HAS HAD AN AFFAIR, BECAUSE OF HOW HE IS ACTING. 

GUILTY........

EVERYTHING HE DOES AND SAYS MAKES HIM LOOK SO GUILT.

I WOULD NEVER IMAGE MY LIFE LIKE THIS. OR THAT MY HUSBAND WOULD DO THAT (AN AFFAIR) BUT HE IS HUMAN LIKE I AM.  BUT HIS CHARACTER IS SURPRISING.  I REALLY THOUGHT OF HIM TO BE SO HONEST, NOBLE, STRONG INTEGRITY AND ETHICAL STABLE. I KNOW HE IS ONLY HUMAN, BUT IF YOU KNEW HOW HE WAS RAISED AND HOW HE IS. YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND.

HOW HE IS HANDLING THIS.  THAT IS WHAT IS SURPRISING.  IF HE HAS HAD AN AFFAIR, WHY DOES HE NOT JUST CONFESS. MEN, RIGHT!!!!

ABOUT MY KIDS!!

I HAVE BEEN READING; THE COURAGE TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER BY SHEILA ELLISON.

A FRIEND OF MINE HAVE TOLD BE ABOUT THIS BOOK WHEN I HAD MENTION ABOUT MY SITUATION.  IT HAS BEEN SUCH AN EYE OPENER AND A BLESSING TO READ. AND IT HAS PERPARED ME FOR COMING THINGS AND MORE TO COME.

TODAY I READ ABOUT KIDS;

"WHEN ONE OF MY KIDS BEGAN AN ARGUMENT WITH ME, (HER BOYFRIEND)HE WOULD COME UP BEHIND ME, HOLD ME AGAINST HIM, AND WHISPER, "LET IT GO." NOT THAT HE ENCOURAGED KIDS TO BE DISRESPECTFUL. HE JUST DIDN'T FIND IT NECESSARY TO ENGAGE IN NEGATIVE ENERGY WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING.  LATER, WHEN THE SITUATION HAD COOLED DOWN, WAS THE TIME TO MAKE YOUR POINT."

I HAVE TO REMEMBER THIS SO MUCH.  MY OLDEST AND I HAVE SO MANY DISAGREEMENTS. AND I HANDLE THEM WRONG. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO DO WITH THEM.  AND MY MIDDLE CHILD IS STARTING TO GET AN ATTITUDE TO ME AND MY RULE.  AND I NEED TO HANDLE THEM NOW.

TEENAGERS = I KEEP TRYING TO REMEMBER THAT I WAS ONCE THERE.  AND HOW MY TEENAGE LIFE WAS.  AND HOW WE VIEW IT. WHAT WE THOUGHT ABOUT OUR PARENTS.  BUT HOW I AM NOW A PARENT.

TIME WILL ONLY TELL AND LIFE GOES ON!!

   

 MY TAGS FROM KIMMY & KRISSY.  THANK YOU,THANK YOU.

WELL, IT'S NOW BEEN OVER A WEEK SINCE MY SURGERY. AND I AM RECOVERY WELL.  MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD.

I DON'T REALLY WANT TO START ANY PLANNING (MAKE MY LIST), TILL I FEEL BETTER THAN I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

THING WITH MY HUSBAND IS STRANGE.  HE WAS THERE FOR ME AND HIS KIDS. YESTERDAY I TOLD HIM, "THANK YOU AND THAT I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING."  I HAD CALLED MY MOTHER FOR HELP THIS TIME. I REALLY DON'T TALK TO MY MOTHER OR DEPEND ON HER.  SHE WAS THERE FOR THE SURGERY, BUT I NEED HER YESTERDAY AND SHE WASN'T ABLE TO HELP OR ANY OTHER FAMILY MEMBER. I KNOW THAT THEY HAVE LIFES OF THEIR OWN, BUT I WISH SHE WOULD OF.  NOW MY HUSBAND, HE HAS BEEN FRUSTRATED, SO FRUSTRATED.......  HE DOES SEE HOW MUCH I DO NOW AND HOW MAYBE THINGS WITH THE KIDS. WE COULD DO DIFFERENT. LIKE LET THEM TAKE ON MORE.  WAKING UP IN THE MORNING, FILLING THE DISHWASHER, ETC..  THERE TEENAGERS, THEY CAN TAKE ON MORE.  WE JUST HAVE TO INFORCE IT.

TIME WILL TELL!!!

SUNDAY LIST ON MONDAY!

I KNOW IS MONDAY. BUT THIS WEEK WILL NOT BE MUCH.

WITH MY SURGERY TOMORROW, CAN'T DO MUCH THIS WEEK.

ALL I HAVE PLAN FOR THIS WEEK IS TO RECOVER AFTER THE SURGERY. BUT TODAY I DO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS.

1. SHOW MY SON'S FATHER, WHERE HE GOES TO DAYCARE. SAD HUH, HE ONLY GETS INVOLVED WHEN HE IS NEEDED.

2. GO TO PER-OP APPT. AND REGISTER AT THE HOSPITAL, ETC.....

3. GO GET THAT 2ND TIRE.

4. GET SON'S HAIRCUT.

5. GET THE GROCERIES. 

MY LIST

1. MY CAMERA - WANT MANY PICTURES OF FRIGHT FEST AT FIESTA.

2. OUR PASSES AND COUPON BOOK.

3. MONEY

4. PREPAREDLY JUNIOR'S BACKPACK.

5. BLANKETS AND PILLOWS FOR THE ROAD.

6. PACK ICE CHEST.

7. BRING EXTRA CLOTHES AND JACKETS, JUST IN CASE.

8. PREPAREDLY THE CAR - GAS, OIL CHECK, ETC...

SET WEEKLY GOALS

IT'S SUNDAY AND I NEED TO SET GOALS FOR THE WEEK!!!

IT'S GOING TO BE A BUSY WEEK.

FIRST, LAST WEEK TILL MY SURGERY. THEN WILL BE OUT OF IT FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS BUT NOT MYSELF TILL 4-6 WEEKS.  ALSO, THE LAST WEEK OF OCTOBER AND THAT MEANS HALLOWEEN.

O.K. MY LIST.

1. TRY TO WORK AS MANY HOURS THAT I CAN.  THIS WILL BE MY LAST GOOD PAYCHECK. TILL, I GET BACK ON MY FEET. OK, ABOUT THE HOURS.

2. GET 2 NEW TIRE FOR MY CAR AND CHECK OUT THE CAR. I THINK IT HAS A LEAK, NOT GOOD. WITH EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPEN THIS WEEK. OK THEY ONLY HAD 1 TIRE. WILL CALL BACK THIS AFTERNOON - SEE IF THEIR TRUCK DELIVED MORE.  ONLY  MEANS THAT THURSDAY, I'LL BE BACK AT SEARS. -- WILL IT'S MONDAY AND HOPEFULLY THE TIRE IS IN.  DID GET NEW RIMS TOO.

3. EXERCISE;  2 DAYS WEIGHTS & 3 DAYS WALK EVENINGS. 1 DAY WEIGHT AND 2 WALK DAYS AFTER THAT I WAS FEELING BAD.  I GUESS I'M GLAD THAT I'M HAVING MY HYSTERECTOMY AND THESE PAINS WILL BE OVER.

4.  GET TICKETS FOR FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL GAME.  DONE

5. MAKE A LIST OF WHAT I WILL NEED FOR FIESTA FOR SATURDAY. DIDN'T GO TO FIESTA.  AND FROM THE NEWS, I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T.  THERE WERE HUGE FIGHTS THEIR AT THE PARK, AND HAD TO CLEAR OUT THE PARK. WOW!!!!

6. NEED TO GET TOOL BELT FOR MY SON'S HALLOWEEN COSTUME. DIDN'T FIND A TOOL BELT FOR THE LITTLE ONE.  SO MY CREATIVE MIND IS WORKING ON ONE. MY SON DIDN'T WANT TO GO TRICK OR TREATING, ONLY 2.  THERE'S NEXT YEAR.

                      

7.  ON SUNDAY, GET GROCERIES FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS.  THE FAMILY WILL BE COOKING.  SO GET READY!!!!  WILL BE TAKING CARE OF THAT TODAY. NEED TO WITH MY SURGERY TOMORROW.  EVERYTHING HAS TO BE DONE. OR SOMEWHAT?

iSTARTING FRESH, ONCE AGAIN!!!

STARTING FRESH, ONCE AGAIN BECAUSE....

MY HUSBAND HAS ASKED FOR A DIVORCE, BUT WAITING FOR IT TO BE FILED. HE HAS BLAME EVERYTHING ON ME. WHICH, AT THIS POINT, I DON'T CARE.  FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS, I WAS ASKING TO WORK THINGS OUT AND IN DENIAL. NOW, AFTER MONTHS OF BEING TOLD IT'S TOO LATE, AND IT'S OVER. I GOT THE PICTURE AND ACCEPTED IT.  BUT TOLD HIM, IF HE WANTED IT -- HE HAS TO GO FILE......

NOW, I AM MAKING PLANS FOR MY FUTURE WITH MY KIDS.

MY 3 MAJOR GOALS FOR THIS COMING YEAR ARE;

1. LOSE MORE WEIGHT (DEC. = 50 POUND). 

I HAVE LOST 30 POUNDS SINCE ALL OF THIS HAS STARTED.  WITH THE STRESS AND DEALING WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.

2. GO TO COLLEGE.

I NEED TO GET A CAREER.  MY GOAL BY SPRING NO LATER THAN SUMMER.

3. MY FINANCE.

WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO.  ALL YEAR LONG. ALWAYS HAVE EXPENSE PAID BY DUE DATE (NOT THAT THEY ARE LATE), GET MEDICAL,DENTAL & LIFE INSURANCE FOR ME. START A RETIREMENT PLAN. AND LAST START A SAVINGS ACCOUNT.  IS THAT ALL -  I THINK!!!