NEW ADDITION...........

I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO

TIGGER....................

 

   

  

  

  

  

 

WE HAVE BEEN WANTING TO GET A KITTEN....... AND THIS PASS WEEKEND. I HAD FOUND HIM....... LIKE HIS NAME....... MY GIRLS PICKED IT OUT...... TOO CUTE, HUH..........

OH MY............

THIS WEEKEND HAS BEEN SO SO SO EVERYTHING.........

I FEEL HAPPY, NERVES, SCARED, HOPEFULL, WORRIED AND MANY MORE.  ISN'T THAT LIFE, HUH........

MY HUSBAND DOES LOVE ME......... THE BEST WAY I COULD EXPLAIN IT IS:

IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, LET THEM GO. IF THEY COME BACK, IT WAS MEANT TO BE...........

HE IS BACK AND WANTS TO WORK AT THIS.......... WE LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH. BUT YES I AM SCARED, NERVES, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.........

BUT I AM GOING TO GIVE ALL OF ME........ I KNOW THAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT.  MY HEART WILL ACHE AGAIN. BUT THE WAY I SEE IT...... I WAS ALREADY ACHING. I NOW HAVE A SECOND CHANCE. AND WILL TAKE IT............

MY GIRLS ARE AFRAID THAT WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO WORK THINGS OUT AND WE WILL GO THOUGH THIS SAME PROCESS ALL OVER AGAIN......... I KNOW THEY WANT THE BEST FOR US.........

BUT LIKE I TOLD MY HUSBAND...... THEY WILL TAKE OUR CLUES (REACTION) AND GO FROM THERE.......  WE ARE IN CONTROL OF HOW TO DEAL WITH THINGS AND COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY...... SO ONE STEP AT A TIME..........

I HAVE THIS SONG IN MY HEAD..... I KEEP SING IT..... I GUESS IS APPROPRIATE WITH WHAT IS GOING ON.......

SHANIA TWAIN, "FROM THIS MOMENT." I WISH I WAS ABLE TO PUT THIS SONG ON MY JOURNAL.  I AM SORRY TO SAY THAT I HAVE NO CLUE ON HOW TO DO THAT........

WILL TILL NEXT TIME........ BRIN.

HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF DOLPHINS. THESE DOLPHINS ARE AT THE DOWNTOWN AREA. FROM A LOCAL ARTIST IN MY TOWN.

     THESE TWO ARE MY FAVORITES.  

  THIS IS A CATCUS DOLPIN. BECAUSE WE'RE IN SOUTH TEXAS. 

 

 SUPER HERO DOLPHIN.  

  A COWBOY DOLPHIN.  

 THIS DOLPHIN HAS HANDPRINTS.  

I HAD TAKEN THESE PICTURES ON THE 12TH. INSIDE MY CAR. RUNNING MY SON TO THE DOCTOR.  LOVE DOLPHINS, SO I LIKE THIS PICTURES. OH, THERE ARE MORE OF THESE DOLPHINS ON OTHER STREET.  ONE OF THIS DAYS, I'LL ACT LIKE A TOURIST. AND FINISH THE COLLECTION.  

AS FOR MY HUSBAND AND I. WE ARE STILL TALKING. BUT LIKE I HAVE SAID, TIME WILL TELL......

TALKING.......

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THINGS. 

DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO INTO MUCH INFORMATIONS.  AND I'M HOPING THAT THIS IS A BEGINNING, IN WORK THINGS OUT. OR MAYBE HE IS UP TO SOMETHING.  THESE DAYS I AM TAKING IT DAY BY DAY.  WHEN IT COMES TO MY HUSBAND. BUT I AM HAPPY ABOUT THIS.  MAYBE HE DOES MISS ME.  WELL, TIME WILL TELL.

BEAUTIFUL.............

I SAW SOMETHING THIS MORNING THAT PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE.

I LOVE SPRING, AND THIS MORNING I SAW BIRDS FLYING NORTH. A SIGN THAT SPRING IS AROUND THE CORNER. MAYBE THIS YEAR I WILL GET TO PLANT FLOWERS AND WORK ON MY YARD. LOVE DOING THAT.  I USED TO HAVE A PLAN. ON WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO WITH MY YARD. BUT DIDN'T REALLY HAVE TIME AND TIME FLEW BY. MAYBE I COULD START WITH SOMETHING SMALL. A SMALL GARDEN, MAYBE A CUTTING GARDEN.  TO BRING SOME FLOWERS INTO THE HOUSE.........  BUT I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN THEY DIE.......

ALSO, TODAY........ I HEARD FROM THIS JOB THAT I AM WISHING FOR.......... MY APPOINTMENT INTERVIEW IS NEXT TUESDAY.  SO PLEASE SAY A PRAYER FOR ME.  I REALLY NEED A JOB. AND I WOULD LIKE THIS JOB........ OH GOSH, I AM GOING TO GET NERVES........... AN INTERVIEW.  THE CHALLENGES I GET MY SELF INTO.........

MIXED FEELINGS.......

THIS WEEKEND WAS VERY HARD...............

I VISITED FRIENDS. I EVEN WENT TO VISITED MY MOTHER AND MY AUNT VIOLA. THEY LIVED LIKE AN HOUR AWAY.  IT WAS A NICE VISIT. BUT AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE. MY OLDER BROTHER CAME BY TO VISIT, WITH HIS FAMILY. WELL, WHEN I HEARD MY NEPHEW CRY (4 MONTHS OLD). I START CRYING WITH HIM............ I WAS MISSING MY KIDS..........  IT WAS VERY HARD.

MY HUSBAND THOUGH CALLED ME ON FRI, SAT AND SUNDAY.  STRANGE, HUH...........  HE EVEN INVITED ME TO JOIN THEM ON SUNDAY. THEY WENT TO THE PARK..........  I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF IT???????

HE IS STILL GIVING ME MIX FEELING........... EVERY TIME I SEE HIM.  I FORGET TO BREATHE.  HOW I WANT HIM TO HOLD ME FOREVER......... 

I AM JUST SO MIXED UP...... I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO FROM HERE??

UNWANTED........

"YOU GET TRIED OF FEELING LIKE YOU ARE NOT WANTED." I HEARD THIS TODAY FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN DIVORCE.

TO ME.......... IT SOUNDS LIKE AN EXCUSE. I GUESS TO MAKE THE DIVORCE OK. SOME HOW TO MAKE THEMSELF FEEL BETTER. THE REASON.......

IT'S LIKE DR. PHIL SAYS. IN RELATIONSHIP RESCUE.

"YOU CHOOSE HOW YOU ACT AND HOW YOU REACT TO YOUR PARTNER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. YOU OWN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. YOU ARE ONE HUNDRES PERCENT ACCOUNTABLE FOR IT."

"YOUR FIRST STEP SHOULD BE TO EVALUATE WHAT YOU SPECIFICALLY ARE DOING TO CAUSE THAT LACK OF FULFULLMENT."  THAT WHY I SAY IT'S AN EXCUSE.........

"IT'S ABOUT YOU CREATING A DIFFERENT LIFESYLE THAT WILL ENHANCE YOUR RELATIONSHIP. IT'S ABOUT YOU WAKING UP IN THE MORNING WITH A REFRESHING REALIZATION THAT YOU ARE PADDLING AND STEERING YOUR OWN CANOE."

SOME WORDS FOR THOUGHT.......

1ST WEEKEND W/OUT MY KIDS.........

I KNOW..............

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM MY KIDS.  BUT......... MY SON AND DAUGHTER HAVE NOT SEEN THERE FATHER SINCE VALENTINE'S DAY.  PLUS, IF THIS IS HOW IT'S GOING TO BE. THEN, I NEED TO ADJUSTED. SO SAD..........

I WILL HAVE TO STAY BUSY THIS WEEKEND.........

Some thing positive......

FOR MY SELF..........

I DECIDED TO GO AND TALK TO THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE COUSELER.  I CAME HOME WITH THE APPLICATION PAPERS, FORM TO GET MY HIGH SCHOOL TRANSCRIPT, THE BOOK ON PLACEMENT TESTING, AND FINACIAL AID PAPERS. WOW.......... I HAVE PUT MY FOOT FORWARD....... NOW TO TAKE ACTION.........

I'M THINKING HERE...... THIS BEEN 17TH YEARS SINCE I HAVE BEEN IN SCHOOL. OH, MY GOSH........

BUT I AM SETTING MY GOAL......... IT'S NOW TIME FOR BRENDA TO HAVE A CAREER. I AM GOING TO MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF, CAREER WISE. AS FOR ME, I HAVE NOT DONE TOO BAD....... MY GIRLS ARE GOOD GIRLS. THEY HAVE A GOOD HEAD ON THEIR SHOULDS. AND MY HUSBAND HAS TOLD ME THAT I DID A GOOD JOB. HE WAS TO BUSY WORKING ON HIS CAREER. HE WAS NOT AVAILABLE, SOMETIMES. NOW, THAT HE IS WHERE HE IS.  HE'S DROPPING ME LIKE A FLY.........

ANYWAY.......... I AM HOPING TO START IN THE SUMMER. IF NOT; FOR THE FALL..........

WELL, WISH ME LUCK. I AM GOING TO NEED IT........ I AM HAPPY ABOUT THIS. I FEEL THIS IS A VERY POSITIVE CHOICE......... THE COLLEGE SLOGAN; "WHAT'S YOUR DREAM?"  WELL, I AM GOING TO SEE WHAT I DREAM.........

I SUBSCRIBED TO OPRAH'S MAGAZINE.

AND I RECEIVED THE BILL WITH THIS LOOSELEAF. 

"I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE HERE TO BECOME MORE OF YOURSELF AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE." OPRAH WINFREY

SHE IS AN INSPIRATION. SHE HAS NOW BECOME MY ROLE MODEL.

WELL, I WOKE UP WITH MY NOSE STUFF UP, THOAT SORE AND COUGHING. I HAVE A COLD. NO FEVER THANK GOODNESS....... BUT I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THIS BEFORE IT GETS WORSE........

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE WHO HAS COMMENT. YOUR KIND WORDS AND SUPPORT ARE SUCH A "GOOD FEELING."  I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE HERE. I KNOW AND HOPE THAT THIS WILL NOT BE TO PAINFULL. BUT WHAT EVERY COMES, I KNOW THAT I COULD WRITE AND SOMEONE WILL UNDERSTAND. I AM NOT ALONE HERE.......

SO THANK YOU........ EVERYONE.........

WHAT A DAY.........

MY FRIEND TOKE ME OUT FOR LUNCH.  TO THIS GOURMET COFFEE HOUSE & EATERY.  LOVED IT...... NICE PLACE, LOVELY SMOOTH MUSIC....... RELAXING.......

THEN...... WE HAD JUST FINISHING EATTING. I RECEIVE A CALL............

OTHER BOOOM..........

IT WAS MY HUSBAND, HE WAS CALLING ME. TO LET ME KNOW THAT HE WAS LEAVING PAPERS FOR ME............

HE HAND DELIVERED THE WAIVER AND THE PETITION FOR DIVORCE. CAN YOU BELEIVE HIM............ I NEED TO GO AND SEE A LAWYER.  OH MY GOD....... HOW CAN I HANDLE THIS..........

HE SURE KNOWS HOW TO RUIN MY DAY, NOW DAYS.......

THIS IS TOO DEPRESSING, BUT I DO HAVE GOOD NEWS......... MY DAUGHTERS BLOOD WORK CAME OUT WITH EVERYTHING FINE....... I'M SO GLAD.... I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT......

WELL, THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER UP AND DOWN ON THAT ROLLERCOASTER.......... I HOPE TOMORROW, THAT THAT RIDE WILL BE A LITTLE SMOOTHER........ TILL THEN, GOOD NITE.......

ADJUSTING..........

BOOOOOOM...................

HERE I GO AGAIN...........

I AM TRYING TO ADJUST.......... LAST NIGHT, TALKING TO MY HUSBAND. HE CASUAL TOLD ME THAT HE HAD ALREADY FILED FOR THE DIVORCE.  I COULD NOT BELEIVE IT........... IT STOP ME ON MY TRACKS.......... I REPEATED; WHAT YOU FILED ALREADY????  YES, BUT THEY HAVE NOT SERVED YOU, YET!!!!! I HAD THEM HOLD OFF FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS. HE HAD SAID...........  CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT!!!!!!  PROBABLE BECAUSE IT WAS GOING TO BE DURING VALENTINE'S THAT I WOULD OF BEEN SERVED. I CAN'T BELEIVE THAT..........  EVEN AFTER THE DINNER........ A BROKEN HEART AGAIN.  I KNOW IT........ THIS IS SO HARD...........

I NEED TO START PREPARING MYSELF.  THIS IS GOING TO GET UGLY. I JUST KNOW IT...........

DAY AFTER VALENTINE'S..............

I WANT TO GIVE A BIG

THANK YOU,

TO SUSAN........

SHE IS A SWEETIE'.......... SHE CAME OVER LAST NIGHT TO DROP OFF A HEART BOX FULL OF CHOCOLATES.  JUST MADE MY DAY.  SHE MADE THIS VALENTINE'S DAY FEEL SPECIAL......

THANK YOU, SUSAN.

 

 

 MY OLDEST AND MY SON......

 

I ALSO RECEIVE 2 BOXES OF MILLIONAIRES (CHOCOLATE W/ HONEY CARAMEL & CHOICE PECANS) FROM MY OLDEST THAT MORNING.  BUT I KNOW THAT MY HUSBAND WAS BEHIND THAT......... SO, I CALLED HIM TO INVITE MY DAUGHTER AND HIM TO DINNER.  I MADE A ROAST AND MASHED POTATOES. I ALSO MADE BROWNIES; CUT THEM INTO HEARTSHAPES AND FROSTED THEM W/ CHOCOLATE FROSRING. TOO RICH.........

I KNOW THIS IS COULD CAUSE MORE HEARTACHE BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO SPENT THE NIGHT ANY OTHER WAY. WE WERE ALL TOGETHER............ IT WAS NOT THAT BAD......... I COULD STILL FEEL SOME LOVE IN THE AIR BUT ONLY TIME WILL TELL........ IF NOT I WILL HAVE TO ADJUST.......

 

WHEN I STARTED THIS JOURNAL; I NEEDED SOMETHING TO GET MY THOUGHT ON PAPER (SO TO SPEAK); TO PLAN FOR THE FUTURE. I AM NOW WRITING MY FEELING AND THOUGHTS. WRITING HAS BROUGHT OUT SO MUCH OF MYSELF. I COULD SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY, AND REALIZE SO MUCH MORE. THIS IS A GOOD THING....... LIKE MARTHA STEWARD WOULD SAY......

BUT I STILL FEEL VULNERABLE!!!!!

MIX EMOTIONS, ONCE AGAIN.....

1ST: JUST WHEN I THINK THINGS ARE TURNING AROUND. BOOM........

I WAS BACK IN THE DOCTOR OFFICE THIS MORNING. MY SON'S FEVER WENT BACK UP TO 103.2 LAST NIGHT.......... THE DOCTOR GAVE HIM OTHER ANTIBIOTIC CALLED OMNICEF. I HOPE THIS WILL TAKE CARE OF HIS ILLNESS. AND I COULD GET SOME SLEEP........... I HAVE HIM IN BED WITH ME, BUT HE MOVES TO MUCH AND HE ENDS UP IN THE MORNING WITH HIS FEET ON MY SIDE. GO FIGURE..........

NOW, 2ND: HAVING MY KIDS TOGETHER THIS WEEKEND. FELT GOOD.......... BUT WHEN IT WAS TIME TO TAKE MY OLDEST TO HER FATHER.......

I REALIZE, AND I KNOW IT'S SELFFISH OF ME. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT........

I TOLD MY HUSBAND, THAT NEXT WEEKEND. I DIDN'T WANT TO PART WITH MY SON. I KNOW MY GIRLS ARE OLDER AND THEY CAN CHOOSE TO VISIT OR NOT........ BUT MY 2 1/2 YEAR OLD SON CAN'T, PLUS I DON'T WANT HIM TO FEEL LIKE I AM ABANDONING HIM.  MY HUSBAND HAS DECIDE TO BE A PART-TIME DAD. I DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM HIM, OR MY GIRLS.

I GUESS MY HUSBAND HAD ALOT OF TIME THIS WEEKEND TO THINK ABOUT THINGS. BECAUSE HE SAID HE UNDERSTOOD AND THAT WE WOULD TALK ABOUT IT. HE SAID; WILL WORK IT OUT...........

WELL, I AM REALLY TIRED...... AND MY SON IS SLEEPING. HOPEFULLY FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT......

SO NIGHT,NIGHT.........

TIRED........

I AM SO TIRED....... I HOPE I AM NOT GETTING ILL.

MY SON IS FINALLY DOING  BETTER. HE STILL WOKE UP AT 1:30 AND 3:30. HIS FEVER IS DOWN TO 100. WHICH IT WAS UP TO 102.

I HAVE MY OLDEST DAUGHTER THIS WEEKEND...... I'M GLAD I DO MISS HER. THIS FEELS SO STRANGE. I WOULD NEVER HAD IMAGE MYSELF GOING THROUGH THIS. LIFE THROWS YOU CURVES, DOESN'T IT...........

I MISS MY HUSBAND.......BUT..... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. TIME WILL TELL.

I RECEIVED THIS EMAIL AND I LIKE THIS PART: IT MADE ME SMILE, THANKS ELLEN...http://journals.aol.com/eml625/Onedayatatime/....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
 
 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
 
 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
 
 4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
 
 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
   
THE END.......

UPDATE......

MY SON HAS MILD CASE OF PNEUMONIA. DOCTOR PRESCRIBED SOME MEDICATION. SO I HOPE THAT WILL TAKE CARE OF IT..........

ALSO........

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE FROM MY LAST ENTRY IS MY BABY GIRL.............

 

 

TUESDAY AFTERNOON, I HAD TAKEN HER TO THE DOCTOR. (THIS MONTH HAS BEEN DOCTOR VISIT AFTER DOCTOR VISIT) BUT FOR HER WELLNESS CHECK UP AND HER TD SHOT. SHE IS DUE FOR IT PLUS DURING SPRING BREAK. SHE WILL BE GOING TO A CAMP TRIP WITH THE SCHOOL. SO SHE NEED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.

WELL, SHE IS OVERWEIGHT AND HER BLOOD PRESSURE WAS ALITTLE HIGH, THEY CALL IT HIGH NORMAL, WHICH DOESN'T REALLY MAKE SENSE TO ME. IF IT'S HIGH IT HIGH, HUH.......  PLUS FAMILY HISTORY OF DIABETES. SO HE IS REQUESTING TO DO SOME BLOOD WORK. OH, GOD, I PRAY EVERYTHING IS OK WITH HER. PLUS I JUST FEEL LIKE; HOW MUCH OF THIS CAN I TAKE. WHAT MORE WILL BE ON MY PLATE!!!!!

I KNOW MY FRIEND SHANNON TOLD ME; I NEED A GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!!!! IF ONLY I COULD AFFORD TO GO OUT.........

WHAT A NIGHT...........

WHERE TO START............

WELL, MY HUSBAND HAD CALL AND ASKED IF I COULD GO SHOPPING WITH MY DAUGHTER. SHE NEEDED A DRESS FOR NEXT WEEKEND. KIND OF A PROM THING EVENT. SO............ WHAT DID I DO............

I WENT, BAD THING, BIG MISTAKE.  I AM STILL HOLDING ON TO ANY HOPE THAT HE WILL CHANGE HIS MIND. AND THAT HE WILL SHOW ME............ HE EVEN SAID HE WOULD TAKE US OUT TO DINNER SINCE IT WAS GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME AND I WOULD GO HOME LATE..............I THOUGHT OH......HE WANTS TO SPENT SOME TIME WITH ME. NO...........THE NIGHT WAS BAD, I FELT LIKE THE THIRD WHEEL. HE CARRIED OUR SON THE WHOLE TIME. AND THE NIGHT WAS GOING TO GET WORSE.............

WHEN HE WAS HOLDING ON TO OUR SON. HE KEPT ASKING; IS HE ALRIGHT??????  WELL, ALMOST TO THE END OF SHOPPING.  OUR SON STARTED TO COME DOWN WITH FEVER.  YEP........ IT WAS COME ON STRONG. WE FOUND A DRESS AND DECIDED TO GO HOME, MY HOUSE. OUR DAUGHTER WOULD DRIVE WITH ME, JUST IN CASE OUR SON THROWS UP. 

 WELL....... WE GET HOME AND HE GETS DOWN. HE WANTED TO MAKE SURE OUR SON WAS GOING TO BE OK AND SAY HI TO OUR OTHER DAUGHTER. WHO DIDN'T GO WITH US. SHE NEEDED TO STAY HOME TO FINISH HOMEWORK.

WELL...... OUR SON THROWS UP IN THE HALLWAY. I REALIZE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN'S MORTIN OR GERBER LIQUILYTES, NOTHING IN THIS HOUSE. SO, I GO TO THE STORE, MY HUSBAND CLEANS UP THE MESS AND GIVES OUR SON A BATH, WHILE I AM GONE.  NOW, HE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. I DID EVERYTHING............ HE WAITED TILL I PUT OUR SON TO BED TO LEAVE........

SAID THANK YOU FOR HELPING OUT WITH THE DRESS AND FOR MY TIME. AND THAT WAS IT........ HE DID EVEN THINK OF MY FEELINGS........

WELL........... THE NIGHT.............

I HAVE TO TELL YOU (ELLEN)......... I WAS THINKING OF YOU.......... YOU HAVE A 5 1/2 YEAR OLD DEMANDING DAUGHTER.

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.........MY 2 1/2 YEAR OLD SON. WAKES UP AT AROUND 2:30 IN THE MORNING. ASKING FOR DADDY, OF COURSE. I TELL HIM, MOMMIE IS HERE....... THEN HE ASKED FOR  MEDICINE. WHICH HIS FEVER WAS HIGH, 102.9. WELL, IN THE KITCHEN, I WAS GIVING HIS MEDICINE, HE THEN ASKS FOR APPLE JUICE, WHICH I HAD THE GERBER LIQUILYTES, APPLE. WELL, THEN I PUT HIM TO BED WITH ME. HE DROPPED HIS JUICE CUP, SIPPER. FEW MINUTES LATER, HE IS ASKING FOR THE CUP. SO I GET UP TO PICK IT UP. SO DEMANDING WHEN THEY ARE SICK. HUH.......... AND ONLY 2 1/2 YEARS OLD......... 

 

MY SON........

  I HAVE TO WRITE WHAT MY SON HAD DONE. HE STARTING TO SHOW SIGNS OF; TO START POTTY TRAINING. HE WAS ASKING TO GO TO THE POTTY. I WOULD SIT HIM DOWN AND NOTHING HAPPEN.  I EVEN GAVE HIM A BOOK TO RELAX. BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. SO THE LAST TIME HE HAD ASKED. I HAD TOLD HIM TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND I WOULD BE THERE IN ONE MINUTE. WELL, WHEN I FINALLY SHOWED UP.................

HE HAD HIS DIAPER/PULL UP OFF. WAS ON TOP OF THE TOILET WITH THE TOILET LID DOWN, CROUCHED OVER AND WAS PEEING ON THE LID. SMALL LITTLE PUDDLE!!!

TOO CUTE!!!!  BUT I THINK WE NEED TO START POTTY TRAINING.

JUDY........

MY DEAR FRIEND,  CALLED ME LAST NIGHT. WE TALK FOR ALMOST 2 HRS. CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT!!!!  THANK YOU SO MUCH........... YOUR TALK REALLY HELPED ME AND YOU ARE A SWEETHEART, AN ANGEL, A STAR.  I KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE MIRACLE. A GODSENT. 

 I ALSO LIKE THE FACT THAT. WE WERE ABLE TO START TALKING AGAIN, LIKE THE TIME HAD NOT PASSED. AND HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN??? 2 YEARS??? I AM STILL HOLDING ON TO YOUR LAST ADVISE; WHICH IS A GOOD ONE.

TREAT YOURSELF LIKE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. YOU WOULDN'T PUT YOUR BEST FRIEND DOWN OR SAY MEAN THINGS TO HER. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BEST FRIEND. YOU WOULD ONLY WANT THE BEST THING FOR HER.

I KNOW . I AM MY OWN BEST FRIEND!!

BUT I DO WANT TO SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OUR TALK. WE WILL HAVE TO KEEP IN TOUCH MORE OFTEN. AND I AM PLANNING TO VISIT YOU. I DO NEED SOME TIME AWAY FROM HERE.

ECTHED.........

I READ THIS TODAY, "IF LOVE AND YOU LOSE --- THINK AGAIN. LOVE IS AN ACCRUED ETCHING ON THE HEART AND CAN NEVER BE LOST." FROM A MESSAGE BROAD, NAMED -- PAPERDOG.

THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY LOVE. WHY DID HE DO THIS????  I JUST WANT TO CRAWL BACK INTO BED, AND SLEEP FOREVER..... THEN WILL I STOP FEELING THIS WAY........ 

THE DAY HAS COME...........

O.K. THE DAY HAS COME...........

AND I DON'T WANT IT TOO.........

MY HUSBAND TOLD ME LAST NIGHT, HE WILL BE MOVING OUT TONIGHT.............

HE HAS AN APARTMENT AND WILL BE MOVING OUT. HE WAITED ALL WEEKEND TO TELL ME.  HE SIGNED THE LEASE ON FRIDAY AND HE WAITS TILL SUNDAY NIGHT TO TELL ME. I GUESS I SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT HE DIDN'T  TAKE THE WHOLE WEEKEND TO MOVE. HE WANTED ONE MORE WEEKEND TO DECIDE???? I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS THINKING!!!!! BUT HE IS MAKING HIS OWN DECISION OR MISTAKES, AND I CAN'T HELP HIM ANYMORE.......

ALSO, MY OLDEST WILL BE LEAVING ME, TOO......  FROM THE BEGINNING, SHE WANTED TO MOVE IN WITH HER DAD. WHICH MAKES THIS EVEN HARDER. BUT MAYBE SOMETIME AWAY FROM ME, MIGHT BE GOOD FOR HER. BUT I WILL MISS HER. I HOPE THIS WILL BEGIN HER CLOSER TO ME.

I JUST HAVE TO BE STRONG......... FOR MYSELF AND MY KIDS......

 

PIC.......

  MY MOTHER EMAIL ME YESTERDAY WITH THE FAMILY ONLINE SITE.  AND I FOUND THIS OLD PICTURE OF MY MOTHER, AUNTS AND UNCLES. THEY DON'T REMEMBER WHAT YEAR THE PICTURE WAS TAKEN. BUT MY MOTHER IS THE LAST ONE IN LINE, AND SHE HIDING. YOU COULD ONLY SEE HER SHOES.......LOL.  8 KIDS, 6 GIRLS AND 2 BOYS. WOW.... THE OLD DAYS, HUH........ OH, CKECK OUT THE CAR. MY MOTHER TOLD ME THAT IS MY FATHER FIRST CAR.  MY MOTHER GOT MARRY WHEN SHE WAS 16TH YEARS OLD.  SHE BECAME PREGNANT AND MARRY AT 16. TOO YOUNG........ BUT I LOVE THE PICTURE. I NEED TO PRINT IT OUT AND FRAME IT.......

FRIENDS........

I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF MORE......

 (CHELLE)'S ENTRY TODAY WAS ABOUT TRUE FRIENDS............. AND THIS WAS MY COMMENT. 

TRUE FRIENDS ARE HARD TO FIND BUT FOR MYSELF, I THINK......
WE ARE ALL ALIKE........ AND GO THROUGH THING THAT WE MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND.  BUT THE THING IS....... IF YOU KNOW THAT EVERYONE IS NOT PERFECT.......INCLUDE YOURSELF.........AND THAT YOU HAVE AN OPEN MIND TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING.   WORK THINGS OUT...... THAT'S WHAT MAKE RELATIONSHIPS (FRIENDS, FAMILY, HUSBAND, ETC....). IT HAS TO BE A TWO WAY STREET, NOT JUST ONE OPEN MIND........
I HOPE THAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU...........

WORKING THINGS OUT......... TRYING TO GET YOUR FRIEND (FAMIILY OR HUSBAND, ECT...) TO SEE THE WRONG THEY ARE DOING TO YOU.... BUT IF THEY DON'T HAVE AN OPEN MIND (WANT TO SEE THE WRONG THEY ARE DOING) THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO.

SMILE........

THANK YOU CHELLE;

 (WILL IT EVER BE OKAY???)

I NEEDED THIS SMILE. TODAY........

Nat King Cole~~Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

<instrumental interlude>

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

LAST NIGHT.........

LAST NIGHT WAS A VERY EMOTIONAL TIME FOR ME. I WROTE IN MY PERSONAL JOURNAL THIS ENTRY...........

HE ASKED IF I WAS O.K. AS HE IRON HIS CLOTHES.  ALL I COULD DO IS SIGH AN UH........

HE ASKED IF I HAD HEARD FROM ANY OF THE POSITION I HAD APPLY TOO........ SAID, "NO."

HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING MORE AND LEFT THE ROOM..........

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW I AM FEELING. FEEL LIKE NOBODY WANTS YOU.  NO EMPLOYER WANTS TO HIRE ME.  AND HE DOESN'T WANT ME.

MY FRIEND THELMA KEEPS TELL ME. HE IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE, DURING OUR LUNCH, TODAY. I TOLD HER, NO, HE IS LEAVING.  THAT'S SEEMS TO KEEP GOING OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD.  HE IS LEAVING ME.............

COMES DOWN TO, HE DOES NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE. HE DOES NOT WANT TO EVEN TRY AGAIN.  HE IS LEAVING, ONLY TO DEAL WITH THE KIDS. THAT IS ALL IN HIS MIND.

I AM BREAKING HERE. MY LOVING HEART IS SCREAMING, BUT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE OR FOR HIM TO SEE THAT.  I FEEL SO USELESS.

I KEEP THINKING; TO THINK POSITIVE OF MYSELF. THAT WILL GET ME PASS THIS. KEEP HOPE ALIVE FOR SOMETHING TO GO RIGHT FOR ME. BUT TIME IS GOING SO SLOW.  WITH HIM STILL IN THIS HOUSE. AND TO SEE ME LIKE IT'S O.K.  I CAN'T KEEP PUTTING UP A BRAVE FACE EVERYDAY.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I AM DOUBTING MYSELF TOO MUCH. I HAVE TO STOP THIS.

I AM A CAPABLE PERSON.  I MAKE MISTAKE AND I LEARN LIKE ANY OTHER PERSON. IF HE WANTS TO LET GO. SO BE IT!!! I STILL LOVE MYSELF AND RESPECT MYSELF SO MUCH!! AND I WANT MORE FOR MYSELF.

I ALSO HAVE THE LOVE OF MY CHILDREN.  MY TWO STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AND MY BABY BOY........

TRUE LOVE!!!!!!

FYI: THE REASON HE IS STILL IN THE HOUSE IS FINACIAL REASON...... BUT IN ALL, PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY THIS HOUSE IS LIVE LIKE A DIVORCE HOUSE. BUT WITH THE PARENTS LIVEIN IT.  TOO DIFFICULT..........

LAST NIGHT WAS HARD, BUT I NEED TO STAY POSITIVE FOR MY SAKE........... I JUST WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS. BUT WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER, HUH......... DEATH, HUH......... THE FINAL ADVENTURE.

POEM........

 FROM (WILL IT EVER BE OKAY???) JOURNAL........

Please dont judge me by my face,
by my religion or my race.
Please dont laugh at what I wear,
or how I look or do my hair.
Please look a little deeper,
way down deep inside.
And although you may not see it,
I have a lot to hide.
Behind my clothes the secrets lie,
behind my smile, I softly cry.
Please look a little deeper,
and maybe you will see.
The lonely little girl,
that lives inside of me.
Please listen carefully to her,
she'll show that she is insecure.
Please try to be a friend to her,
and show her that you care.
Please just get to know her,
and maybe you will see.
That if you just look deep enough,
you'll find the real me.

THIS POEM REMINDS ME OF MY OLDER TEENAGE DAUGHTER. SHE IS IN 10TH GRADE AND SHE IS SO CONFUSSED ABOUT EVERYTHING. IT'S LIKE THE POEM - INSECURE.

I REMEMBER THOSE YEARS AND I WISH I COULD GO THROUGH THIS FOR HER........

MY GOAL IS TO BE THERE FOR HER, AT ANY TIME SHE NEEDS ME......