WHAT IS UNACCEPTABLE........

                 

(GINA'S JOURNAL)  HAS BROUGHT UP SO MANY FEELINGS..........

I FEEL IN AWAY; SHE HAS LIVED MY LIFE.......
I MARRIED YOUNG, HAD MY FIRST CHILD AT 19, WAS A STAY AT HOME MOTHER.  I WAS BROUGHT UP IN A VERY CONTROLLING HOUSE. VERY PROTECTIVE......... I HAD A TRAGIC CHILDHOOD.  WHICH EXPLANS THE PERSON WHO I WAS..........I SAY THAT CAUSE I AM NOW FINDING MYSELF.

I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TO EVERYONE;

1ST =  MY HUSBAND, WHICH I DO LOVE SO MUCH..........I HAVE PUT HIM THROUGH SO MANY THINGS. AND AFTER 17 YEARS, HE'S BEEN RIGHT BE SIDE ME. BUT THESE PASS YEAR, IT BEEN DIFFERENT. IN SOMEWAYS I DON'T BLAME HIM. IN SOMEWAYS.........HE HAS FLAWS OF HIS OWN. 

2ND = MY GIRLS, THEY HAVE SEEN ALL OF IT, THE GOOD AND THE BAD.......BUT I THINK THE BAD STICK IN YOUR HEAD THE MOST.......THAT'S WHY I HAD PROBLEMS WITH MY OLDEST. SHE COULDN'T FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT SHE HAD BEEN THROUGH.

AND MY BIGGEST MISTAKE...........WAS ON ME.  NOT BELEIVING IN MYSELF.  I CAN, AND COULD DO SO MUCH MORE FOR MYSELF.............

             

LIKE GINA SAID, I RAN AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS.......THROUGH OUT MY CHILDHOOD AND MY MARRIAGE.  I RAN THINKING IF I DIDN'T DEAL WITH THEM. THAT IT WOULDN'T  HURT...........SOMETIMES NOT WANTING TO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT IT WAS ME. I WAS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM...........
MY ACTIONS, MY WORDS DID HURT SOMEONE........I DID NOT THINK BEFORE I REACTED. AND THAT CAUSE MANY PROBLEMS........

I HAVE BEEN FAITFULL TO MY HUSBAND..........THAT IS ONE MORAL VALUE I HOLD SO DEEPLY.  AND IT WAS OUT THERE.........BUT I DIDN'T.  I LOVE MY HUSBAND TO MUCH TO HURT HIM LIKE THAT...............BUT HE DID THINK, THAT I DID........

LOOKING BACK ON THIS YEAR..........WITH THE PROBLEM I AM HAVING.
I HAVE GROWN SO MUCH........I HAVE SELF-RESPECT FOR MYSELF.  I'M FINDING MY SELF-ESTEEM............I AM REALIZING MYSELF. 
IT'S SO SCARY, I SOMETIMES FIND IT SO LONELY..........



BUT I WILL DO THIS ONE DAY AT A TIME.  BELEIVE ME; IT ONE DAY TO THE NEXT........DEALING WITH IT DAY BY DAY.

TILL NEXT TIME.........