I AM FEELING REALLY DOWN.........

I CAN NOT GET MY HUSBAND OFF MY MIND.  I CAN NOT GET HIM OUT OF THIS HOUSE.  I HEAR FROM HIM, EVERYDAY.  I AM DREAMING ABOUT HIM.  IT HAS BEEN HARD THESE PASS COUPLE OF DAYS.
I WILL TELL YOU HOW PATHETIC I AM..........
AT NIGHT IN BED....... I LAY ALL MY EXTRA PILLOWS ON HIS SIDE OF THE BED.  TRICKING MY MIND.......  ALSO, HIS DRESS DRAWERS ARE STILL EMPTY.  LIKE I AM WAITING FOR HIM TO RETURN.......  THE CLOSET, HIS SIDE IS STILL WAITING FOR HIM, TOO.......
I CAN'T GET HIM OUT......

I REALLY DON'T WANT TOO.......  I WISH FOR HIM TO WALK BACK INTO THIS HOUSE. LOOK INTO MY EYES.  ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.  TELL ME HE LOVES ME AND ALWAYS WILL.  THAT WE COULD WORK AT THIS. AND HOLD ME FOREVER.........

I KNOW I AM WISHFUL THINKING HERE......
AND ALL THE WISHING WILL NOT CHANGE WHAT IS HAPPENING.......

BUT I COULD DREAM, HUH.......
GOOD NITE.......BRINx.........

      


SWEET DREAMS...............
MAY HE ENTER INTO MY DREAMS............

SWEET DREAMS.........BRINx

I AM MISSING MY HUSBAND.........

I KNOW HE IS NOT THE SAME GUY I FELL IN LOVE WITH.........  BUT I AM MISSING THE OLD GUY.  I AM REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES.  AND HOW THINGS USE TO BE........HIS TOUCH, HIS KISS.  THE WAY HE USE TO LOOK AT ME........  AND HE HAS BEAUTIFUL EYES........  I MISS OUR TALKS AND OUR PLANS.   THE LAST TIME WE PLANNED ANYTHING TOGETHER..........  WAS WHEN REMODEL OUR MASTER BATHROOM.  WE TALKED ABOUT WHAT WE WANTED AND HOW IT SHOULD LOOK.  WE PLANNED EVERYTHING...........

THOSE TIMES ARE GONE...............

HE DOESN'T WANT ME NOW...............I HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT, AND STOP THIS MEMORY LANE.........  BUT.........
IT SURE DOES HURT.............  THIS WEEKEND HE HAS THE KIDS.  SO I WILL NEED TO KEEP BUSY, MAKE PLANS OR I WILL JUST SLEEP ALL DAY AND CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP............

             

I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS.........
I RECEIVED MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE.  SO I AM IN.........

I ALSO FINISH PAINTING MY PICKETED FENCE.......  BOY, MY BUTT IS VERY SORE........  I CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN WITHOUT SIGHING........  BUT A GOOD WORKOUT, HUH..........

SO I POSTED SOME OF THE PICTURES.......
DOES MY PICKET FENCE LOOK GOOD????ALSO OF THE DITCH........  AND SOME PICS OF MY LITTLE MAN............HAD TOO........



NOW, HERE ARE THE LYRICS TO
HOW DO YOU LOVE?

THERE ONCE WAS A LOVE   THROWN INTO YOUR ROOM
BUT YOU NEVER KNEW
A CALENDAR   OF DAYS JUST FOR YOU
BUT YOU NEVER KNEW, NEVER KNEW
AND THE TRUTH THAT YOU'LL FIND
WILL ALWAYS BE  THE TRUTH YOU HIDE

SO HOW DO YOU LOVE?
HOW DO YOU LOVE?
WHEN YOUR ANGEL'S CAN'T SING
AND YOUR WORLD IS STILL   LACKING OF ME

THERE ONCE WERE EYES    THAT ONLY SAW YOU
BUT YOU NEVER KNEW
A PORTRAIT OF   A FLOWER IN FULL BLOOM
BUT YOU NEVER KNEW,NEVER KNEW
AND THE WORDS THAT YOU FEAR
WILL ALWAYS BE   THE WORDS YOU HEAR

SO HOW DO YOU LOVE?
HOW DO YOU LOVE?
WHEN YOUR ANGEL CAN'T SING
AND YOUR WORLD IS STILL   LACKING OF ME

THE SPACE WHERE YOU'VE BEEN LIVING
HAS GIFTS YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN
THAT'S THE FACE   YOU ALWAYS SHOW
ASK ME FOR WORDS OF WISDOM
TELL ME OF YOUR CONDITION
'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T, I DON'T KNOW

AND THE TRUTH THAT YOU'LL FIND
WILL ALWAYS BE    THE TRUTH YOU HIDE

SO HOW DO YOU LOVE?
HOW DO YOU LOVE?
WHEN YOUR ANGEL'S CAN'T SING
AND YOUR WORLD IS STILL   LACKING OF ME

SO HOW DO YOU LOVE?
HOW DO YOU LOVE?
WHEN YOUR ANGEL'S CAN'T SING
AND YOUR WORLD IS STILL    LACKING OF ME

HOW DO YOU LOVE?
HOW DO YOU LOVE?
HOW DO YOU LOVE?
HOW DO YOU LOVE?.........


WELL, TILL NEXT TIME......... 

I AM SHAKEN............. 

THIS MORNING, I DECIDE TO PAINT MY PICKET FENCE. WHICH I LIVE ON A CORNER. AND IT WAS A LOVELY DAY TO PAINT..........

WELL, HALF WAY DONE, THIS TRUCK PASSED BY FAST. AND BRAKES TO TURN ON THE CORNER, WHICH HIS TIRES SREECH AND I AM WITNESSING THIS.  HE DOESN'T MAKE THE TURN BUT JUMPS THE CURB AND HITS THE POST THAT HOLDS THE "ONE WAY" SIGN,  BRAKING HIS PASSENAGER MIRROR.  AND OH......I LIVE NEXT TO THIS DITCH.  WHICH I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO GO IN.  BUT NO HE GETS CONTROL.  BY THIS TIME, I NOTICE THAT ANOTHER TRUCK IS FOLLOWING HIM.  AND I AM THINK IT WAS A HIT AND RUN THING.......  BUT THE FIRST TRUCK DOESN'T STOP.  AND THE OTHER TRUCK IS STILL FOLLOWING HIM.  SO I THINK, CALL THE POLICE.  WELL, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET.  I SEE A POLICE CAR AND THINK.  HE WILL NOTICE AND STOP THEM.........

WELL, BY THIS TIME, THE FIRST TRUCK WAS GOING TO TAKE THE CROSSROAD, BUT NOTICE THE POLICE.  SO AT THE LAST MINUTE, HE TURNS BUT DOESN'T MAKE THE TURN AGAIN.......AND THIS TIME HE IS GOING INTO THE DITCH.

ALL I SAW WAS THE TRUCK GOING DOWN THE DITCH.  AND I START RUNNING TO SEE IF HE ROLLED THE TRUCK AND LANDED UPSIDE DOWN......THINKING HE IS GOING TO DIE OR GET HURT.  I COULDN'T BELIEVE THIS........  SO WHEN I ARRIVE TO THE SITE.  HE DIDN'T ROLLED HIS TRUCK. THE TRUCK LANDED UPRIGHT AND HE LOOKED OK.  THE OFFICER WAS HELPING HIM TO THE CURB.  THEN MORE POLICE CARS ARRIVE.  AND THIS PLAIN WHITE CAR ARRIVE, WITH MEN IN SUITS, (DETECTIVES I THINK).  WELL, REALIZING THAT THEY HAVE EVERYTHING IN CONTROL.  I LEAVE, PASSING BY THE DETECTIVES.  I SAY HELLO, AND TOLD ONE OF THEM.  HE COULD OF KILLED HIMSELF.  AND THEM I ASK; TRAFFIC VIOLATION OR DRUGS?  AND I LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN OR AT LEAST I THINK I DO.  CAN'T REMEMBER THE COUNT.  BUT I WILL FIND OUT. I WILL ALSO TAKE SOME PICTURES FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.  WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT...... THE CURVE AND THE DITCH.

WELL TO GET TO THE QUESTION...........HE SAYS; "POSSIBLE DRUG TRAFFICING."   I CAN'T BELIEVE MY DAY............  STILL SHAKEN........  BECAUSE I THINK......  IF HE WOULD OF DECIDE TO TURN SOONER.  I WASON THE OTHER SIDE OF MY FENCE, WHICH HE WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN........  THINGS COULD OF GONE DIFFERENT...........  SCARY.........

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME.......BRINx

THANK YOU.......EVERYONE.  FOR YOUR COMMENTS.  I AM SO RELEIVED..........

THE JOB IS WITH AN INTERNET COMPANY.  DEALING WITH CUSTOMER SERVICE ON SERVICE, TROUBLESHOOTING AND BILL QUESTION.  INBOUND CALLS.  I PRAY THAT EVERYTHING WILL GO SMOOTHLY............


AS FOR MY DAUGHTER AND THE CAT.  SHE HAS FOUND A GOOD HOME FOR HIM.  IN FACT, SHE WILL BE ABLE TO SEE HIM.  HERE AND THERE.........  IT'S A FRIEND OF HERS, AND THEY HAVE ANOTHER CAT.  SO THE CAT HAS A PLAYMATE, TOO........  AND MY DAUGHTER DID DECIDE TO STAY WITH HER FATHER.........  I WILL MISS HER, BUT I THINK SHE NEEDS TIME AWAY FROM ME........  AND WILL SEE HOW THE CARDS LAY OUT.

                   

I RECEIVED A GRADUATION INVITATION............
SO I WENT OUT TO LOOK FOR A PRESENT.  WHAT DO YOU GIVE???????

I FOUND.............
TEN THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN - BEFORE I WENT OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD  BY MARIA SHRIVER.
A BOOK.........

I FLIPPED THROUGH SOME OF THE PAGES AND

I READ THIS................
"SOMEONE WISE ONCE TOLD ME THAT COURAGE IS WALKING THROUGH YOUR FEAR WITH FAITH."

AND THIS.........
"IF I COULD SPARE YOU THE PAIN YOU'RE EXPERIENCING, I WOULDN'T - BECAUSE I WOULDN'T WANT TO DEPRIVE YOU OF THE STRENGTH AND WISDOM YOU'LL GAIN FROM HAVING GONE THROUGH IT AND COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE."

"YOU CAN SURVIVE AND MOVE ON.  I DID, AND THAT'S THE MESSAGE OF HOPE I PASS ALONG TO YOU: IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT TOO."

SHE GIVE WORDS OF WISDOM............
I DID READ THE CHAPTER ON MARRIAGE IS A HELL OF A LOT OF HARD WORK.

SHE WRITES:
"A GREAT FRIEND OF MINE IS BLISSFULLY, HAPPILY MARRIED.  I ASKED HER HOW SHE DOES IT.  SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE  AND HER HUSBAND PRACTICE WHAT SHE CALLS AUTOMATIC FORGIVENESS.  'IF ONE OF US HURTS THE OTHER'S FEELING OR DOES SOMETHING TO INFURIATE THE OTHER - AND THAT HAPPENS VERY OFTEN, BECAUSE WE'RE SENSITIVE TO EACH OTHER - THEN YOU HAVE TO GET MAD, LET IT BE KNOWN, HAVE A LITTLE OR BIG FIGHT ABOUT IT, AND THEN LET IT GO AND MOVE ON.'  THAT'S FORGIVENESS - NOT HOLDING ON TO AND CULTIVATING THE FEELING THAT YOU'VE BEEN WRONGED AND THEN PARADING AROUND LIKE A WOUNDED MARTYR.  FORGIVENESS IS NOT HAVING TO STAY RIGHT.  LET IT BE KNOWN, AND THEN STOP BLUDGEONING YOUR PARTNER WITH IT.  LET IT GO AND MOVE ON.  MY FRIEND SAYS, 'I KEEP TRYING TO REMIND MYSELF THAT I LOVE THIS MAN AND TO GET PAST THE ANGER AND RETURN TO THE LOVE AS SOON AS I CAN.  GO WITH THE LOVE,' SHE SAYS.  'THIS IS HOW TO STAY MARRIED AND NOT STAY MISERABLE.'  SMART, WISE ADVICE YOU CAN USE, AND IT WORKS.  PRACTICE BEING GOOD AT FORGIVENESS BEFORE YOU SAY 'I DO.' "

SO I ASK..........  IS IT THAT SIMPLE????????
IF MY HUSBAND COULD DO THAT.......  WOULD WE BE TOGETHER??????  I KNOW I COULD FORGIVE AND MOVE ON.....BOY, WOULD I......  BUT I SEE HE COULDN'T.....AND MAYBE THERE IS MORE TO IT.....
THAT'S WHY I ASK, IS IT THAT SIMPLE.........

SHE DID GIVE ME A GOOD IDEA.........
SHE TALKS ABOUT.......MAKE A LIST OF THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY/LAUGH. WHAT'S BEEN FUN. AND DO THEM.....  AND WHEN YOU ARE SO CAUGHT UP AND TAKING YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY.  LOOK AT THE LIST AND DO ONE OF THE THINGS ON IT. PUT SOME OF THE JOY BACK IN........   SOUNDS NICE, HUH........

THIS IS GOOD: "THE LOVE AND THE LAUGHTER ARE WHAT YOU NEED MOST IN YOUR LIFE.  THEY'LL FILL OUT ALL THE POTHOLES IN THE ROAD."

WELL, THANK YOU, EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT.  TILL NEXT TIME..........
 

OK HERE IS MY HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY......
Remember, BRIN, that you can only remain queen of the forest as long as the other animals around you are in support of your personality and leadership abilities. Avoid mutiny by taking care of the people in your world, instead of simply trying to rule their lives. Gain respect from others with kind words and a sensitive attitude, instead of by enforcing harsh rules and regulations that restrict and aggravate.

OK.......QUEEN OF THE FOREST.........NOT.

WELL, GOOD NEWS.........  I FOUND A JOB.  AND IT'S PERFECT FOR ME.  IT'S 10 MINUTE DRIVE.  WILL BE ABLE TO WORK FULL TIME FOR THE SUMMER, AND WILL WORK WITH ME IN THE FALL.  ONCE I START SCHOOL.   COOL, HUH..........  MY PRAYER HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.........

WILL I HAVE TO GO......WILL WRITE MORE LATER, ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AND THE CAT.

TILL NEXT TIME...... 

HERE IS ANOTHER SONG FROM COLLECTIVE * SOUL FROM THERE CD .........LOVE THIS CD.

GENERAL ATTITUDE

TIME YOU'VE HAD MORE THAN YOUR SHARE OF MINE
I'M A CRIMINAL WITH NO CRIME
SING LIKE A BIRD THAT IS NOW RELEASED
LIKE AN ANGEL WITH CLIP-ON WINGS
I'VE HAVE NOTHING THAT'S ETCHED IN STONE
I'M A READY THAT'S ALREADY GONE

THERE'S A JOKE, YEAH THERE'S A TEASE
THERE'S A CAUSE I DO BELIEVE
BUT LET IT RUN NOW
LET IT RUN AFTER ME

LOW I CAN'T LIVE IN A SINKING HOLE
'CAUSE I'M AS HIGH AS THE GRASS WILL GROW
GONE LIKE A STAGE, WITH IT'S CURTAIN DRAWN
LIKE THE LAST BUS TO BABYLON

I CAN MUMBLE AND TALK AGAIN
I'M A PROMISE THAT'S NEVER BEEN

THERE'S A JOKE, YEAH THERE'S A TEASE
THERE'S A CAUSE I DO BELIEVE
BUT LET IT RUN NOW
LET IT RUN AFTER ME
THERE'S A THRILL YEAH, THERE'S A SCENE
THERE'S A REASON I BELIEVE
BUT LET IT RUN NOW
LET IT RUN AFTER ME

YEAH, I COMING AROUND
THIS WORLD LOVES ME NOW
FEEL THE RHYTHUM OF CHANGE
YEAH, IT'S LAYING IT DOWN



COOL, HUH....... FEEL THE RHYTHUM OF CHANGE.  I LIKE THAT.........
MORE SONG TO COME IN THE FUTURE......

TILL NEXT TIME........ 

OK.......MADISON HAD A VISITER AGAIN......


RILEY IS MY NEIGHBORS DOG.  HE IS THIS HUGE BEAR BUT NICE.......  SOMEHOW, HE IS JUMPING OVER THE FENCE.  THIS HAS BEEN THE 3RD OR 4TH....I CAN'T REMEMBER....VISITED.  NOW, MADISON IS FIXED (NOT IN HEAT). SO THE REASON WHY HE IS COMING OVER IS A QUESTION?.......
AND MADISON GROANS AT HIM.  SHE DISAPPROVES...

ALSO.....HE HAS BEEN JUMPING INTO THE POOL. MAYBE THAT'S THE REASON.  IT'S AN ABOVE GROUND POOL...... I AM NOT ABLE TO GET IT READY FOR THE SUMMER SO IT'S JUST GOING TO SIT THERE. MAYBE NEXT YEAR, BUT IF RILEY KEEPS JUMPING IN. I AM AFRAID HE IS GOING TO RUIN MY LINER........  BUT I KNOW MY NEIGHBOR IS TRYING TO FIRGURE OUT HOW IS COMING OVER.  AND TO FIX IT........  BUT MY LINER......

SO LIFE ROLLS ON.......TILL NEXT TIME.

 

OK.....MY SATURDAY WAS GOOD.........


I WENT TO THE MOVIES.  I SAW CRASH. IT MAKES YOU THINK...........  THAT IS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN.  BUT THIS WAS GOOD.

AFTERWARDS, I TOOK LITTLE MAN TO THE PARK.  I HAD MY CAMERA...........  AS YOU CAN TELL, I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME.......  SO DID LITTLE MAN.


CHECK OUT MY POINSETTIA'S............  THEY ARE STILL FLOWERING AND LOOK VERY WELL.  I THINK THEY LIKE THERE LOCATION..........  ON MY PATIO; IN THE SHADE.  BUT WARM.  I AM STILL GIVING THEM ICE.  SHOULD GIVE THEM FOOD?????  IF ANYONE KNOWS, PLEASE COMMENT..............

AND THE CAT..........
OK.......  I NEED OPINIONS............
THE CAT'S OWNER IS MY OLDEST DAUGHTER.  BUT I HAVE DECIDE THAT IF SHE IS LEAVING.  THE CAT GOES WITH HER.
WELL, PROBLEM.........
MY HUSBAND WILL NOT PAY THE PET FEE OR WANTS THE CAT IN THE APT.  SO, IT COMES BACK TO ME.........
HERE IT IS.............  I HAVE ASKED MY DAUGHTER TO TAKE CARE OF THE CAT.  FOOD, LITTER, SHOOTS, CLEANUP, BASICALLY, EVERYTHING.   SHE IS WORKING; ABLE TO PAY FOR THIS.  AND THIS IS A GOOD RESPONSIBILITY TO LEARN.
WELL...........
SHE HAS DONE NOTHING......  AND NOW SHE IS LEAVING.  AND THE CAT???????
SO WHAT SHOULD I DO...........
I DID TELL HER SHE SHOULD FIND A GOOD HOME FOR HIM..........  I HAVE BEEN THE ONE FEEDING IT AND CHANGING THE LITTER.....WELL, THERE WAS A FEW TIME SHE HAS DONE IT.  BUT THESE PASS COUPLE OF DAYS.  NOTHING, SO I'M FRUSTRATED......... AND MY HOUSE DOES NOT SMELL GOOD, AND I CAN'T STAND THAT.........
SO WHAT SHOULD I DO.............

TILL NEXT TIME........ 

THE WEEKEND STARTED WITH BAD NEWS.......


MY OLDEST TOLD ME.  SHE WILL LIKE TO MOVE IN WITH HER DAD.  I THOUGHT THINGS WERE GOOD BETWEEN US, BUT............. SHE IS A TYPICAL TEENAGE AND WANTS FREEDOM.  WHICH I THINK THAT SHE WILL HAVE IT WITH HER FATHER..........  WELL, SEE.........

I AM TRYING TO BE STRONG, BUT I AM GOING TO MISS HER.........  I FEEL SO REJECTED, 1ST,MY HUSBAND DOESN'T WANT ME.  AND NOW, MY OLDEST DOES WANT TO LIVE WITH ME...........
LIFE CAN BE CRUEL............

I HAVE BEEN SO HURT THIS PASS WEEK; AND TO END IT.  WITH MY DAUGHTER WANTING TO MOVE IN WITH HER DAD........  I ALSO REMEMBERED SOMETHING ELSE, THAT MY HUSBAND TOLD ME ON OUR TUESDAY NIGHT TALK.  HE TOLD ME THAT HE KNEW I WAS GOING TO BE SERVED. 
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT........   WHILE HE WAS AT THE BASEBALL FIELD, ENJOYING HIS DAY...... I WAS BEING SERVED. WHICH HE KNEW........  
IT COMES DOWN TO MONEY......  HE RECIEVED A CALL FROM HIS LAWYER THAT HE NEEDED TO DECIDE ON PERCEEDING WITH THE DIVORCE.  BECAUSE THE DEADLINE WAS APPROACHING.......  AND WHAT DID HE DECIDE..........   YEP, SO THERE IS NO TURNING BACK.......  HE DOES WANT THE DIVORCE.  AND HERE I THOUGHT WE WERE TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT..........

OUT OF RESPECT, THAT NIGHT I WANTED TO TELL HIM THAT I SAW A LAWYER.  AND HE....... WAS SO DISRESPECTFULL.  HE KNEW I WAS GOING TO BE SERVED AND DIDN'T TELL ME........
BOY, DID I THROW THAT AT HIS FACE.  HE HAS PLAYED SO MANY GAMES WITH ME.  SO, THAT'S WHY I SAY...........  YEP, IT'S HEADING TO THE COURT.

I HAVE BEND OVER BACKWARDS ON SO MANY THINGS, THESE PASS COUPLE OF MONTHS.  AND I HAVE BEEN HUMILIATED BY MY HUSBAND.  SO MUCH.........  BUT I AM TRYING TO PICK MYSELF BACK UP..........  I TRY TO MAKE SENCE OF WHY I DID WHAT I DID. 
AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR MY FAMILY.  BUT HE DOES NOT WANT A FAMILY..........  SO I NEED TO MOVE ON.........

TILL NEXT TIME.......BRINx

THIS IS TO COOL................



THIS IS A PICTURE NASA TOOK WITH THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE.





      


THEY CALL IT "EYE OF GOD"...........

TILL NEXT TIME........

IS WAS UGLY...........

HE TURNED EVERYTHING AROUND.  HOW CONFUSSED HE IS.  HE WANTED HIS LAWYER TO DO ALL THE WORK.  SO I TRYED TO EXPLAIN, HOW IF I JUST LET HIS LAWYER DO THE WORK.  MY RIGHTS WOULD BE TAKEN AWAY.  THAT IF HE DECIDE THAT HE DID WANT THE KIDS OR ANYTHING ELSE, AFTER MY  DEFAULT PERIOD.  I WOULD HAVE NO FOOT TO STAND ON, BECAUSE I DIDN 'T ANSWER TO THE PETITION.  BUT HE TURNED IT AROUND.  SAID, THAT NOW THE LAWYERS ARE GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING.   BUT I TOLD HIM, THAT IT IS STILL UP TO HIM TO TELL HIS LAWYER HOW HE WANTS TO HANDLE IT.  LETS SEE IF HE IS GOING TO KEEP HIS WORD.  WE HAVE DECIDED HOW WE ARE GOING TO SPLIT EVERYTHING AND HOW IS GOING TO FALL.  BUT I KNOW EVERYONE HAS TOLD ME.  THAT DIVORCE CHANGE EVERYONE.  SO WILL SEE IF HE IS GOING TO KEEP HIS WORD.  IF HE DOES HE CHANGE THINGS. HE IS GOING TO BLAM HIS LAWYER, I JUST KNOW IT.  THAT IS HOW HE HANDLING THINGS.

LAST NIGHT, HE KEPT CHANGE EVERYTHING.  HE PUT ALL THE BLAME ON ME.  HE EVEN ACCUSED ME.  THAT I HAVE NOT THANKED HIM FOR HELPING ME WITH MY CAR, AND UNDERSTANDING.  THAT'S WHEN I WALK OUT.  I COULD NOT TAKE IT.  HE WAS CHANGE EVERYTHING.  HE WANTS TO SEE IT LIKE THAT.  THAT I AM SELFISH, UNGRATEFUL, MEAN, TAKE EVERYTHING THAT I CAN.  I SEE THAT HE HAS THE PROBLEM.  AND I CAN HELP HIM ANYMORE.  I CAN SHOW OR TELL HIM ANYTHING BECAUSE HE WILL NOT LISTEN.

I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN.  AND I WILL LET HIM GO.  IF HE WANTS TO HELP, THEN HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO SHOW ME.  IF HE IS WORRIED THAT HIS KIDS ARE NOT EATTING OR HAVE CLOTHES.  THEN HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO BRING FOOD & CLOTHING FOR THEM.  I WILL NOT KEEP HIM INFORM ABOUT OUR SITUATION.  I WILL DO WHAT I CAN WITH WHAT I CAN. 

TIME TO LIVE LIFE.........WITH MY KIDS, AND NO HUSBAND.
TILL NEXT TIME............ 

WELL, I'VE BEEN TO SAD TO WRITE, AND THINKING ABOUT ALOT OF THINGS.........

I DID CALL MY HUSBAND ON FRIDAY.  AND PINNED HIM TO A CORNER........  I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED THE DIVORCE, YES OR NO.  HE DIDN'T WANT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION, TRYED TO BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.  BUT I WAS ADAMANT FOR AN ANSWER.  HE SAID, "WELL...... YES."   THEN, I SAID, "THANK YOU."   CAN YOU BELIEVE ME.........  THANK YOU......  

BUT THEN HE IS LIKE ALL OVER ME.  WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING BRENDA?   WHAT AM I PLANNING, I TOLD HIM........  I HAVEN'T BEEN THE ONE PLANNING ANYTHING, BUT I NOW HAVE TOO......  I TOLD HIM, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS PLAYING WITH ME, MY FEELINGS, AND PLANNING ALL THIS.  I COULDN'T BELIEVE HIM.   I HAVE BEEN SO UNSELFISH ABOUT EVERY THING.  BUT THAT IS GOING TO CHANGE..........

I SAW A LAWYER TODAY............
SHE IS GOING TO "ANSWER" THE PETITION AND START ON THE PAPER WORK.  BUT SHE DID TELL ME, THAT MY HUSBAND ONLY HAS 60 DAYS FROM THE DATE I WAS SERVED, TO STOP THIS.  IF THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS.  BUT SHE DID ADVISE ME THAT IF HE WANTS TO WORK AT THIS.  THAT I SHOULD INSIST THAT HE DOES A "WITHDRAW OF SUE" AND GET COUNSELING.  GOOD ADVISE, HUH....... 

THINGS ARE SO MISSED UP.......   BUT I AM STILL TRYING TO GO ON.  I KNOW I HAVE TO MOVE ON......

OUR ANNIVERSARY IS ON JULY THE 4TH.  AND I DID THE CALCULATION.  IF IT GOES AS PLANNED.  WE WILL BE DIVORCE BY JULY 11TH.  SAME MONTH........  17 YEARS..........  WOW, HUH...........

I AM GOING TO TELL HIM TONIGHT.  THAT I SAW A LAWYER.  NOT THE SAME RESPECT HE GAVE ME.  BUT I AM NOT PLAYING THOSE GAMES. WILL SEE HOW HE REACTS.............

TILL NEXT TIME....... 

THINGS AREN'T GREAT.........

I HATE TO SOUND SO DRAMA, BUT I THINK MY IS LIFE SOAP OPERA.............

I AM STILL TRY TO GET OVER THIS SICKNESS........  AND THAT WEDNESDAY.  BOY.........OTHER BOOM........

I WAS SERVED DIVORCE PAPERS...........  I WAS FLOORED.  AFTER ALL THESE PASS DAYS..........  I REALLY THOUGH THAT THINGS WERE CHANGING FOR ME........  BUT LIFE THROWS YOU CURVES, HUH......   I HAVE BEEN SO DOWN ABOUT THIS......  I REALLY LAIDED ON MY HUSBAND...... 

 

YOU SEE......FROM THE BEGINNING OF THIS TIME OF WORKING THINGS OUT.  HE HAD MENTIION TO ME, IF I WAS SERVED....... I DIDN'T. HE THOUGH THAT THAT WAS THE REASON I WAS MORE UPSET WITH HIM.  WELL, THINGS ROLLED ON AND WE WERE GETTING TOGETHER. AND SPENDING TIME TOGETHER.  AND THEN, BOOM.........  I WAS SERVED..........

 

I TOLD HIM......I WAS MORE PISSED ABOUT THAT WE WERE WORKING AT THIS SLOWLY, BUT YOU DIDN'T STOP THE DIVORCE.........  HE TOLD ME.  WE STILL HAVE 90 DAYS TO WORK THINGS OUT.  IF WE DON'T SHOW UP AT THE DIVORCE.  THE JUDGE WILL JUST THROW OUT THE PAPERS, AND WE GO ON........  BUT I TOLD HIM......  THE THING IS YOU DIDN'T CALL TO STOP IT........  THIS IS HOW YOU FEEL.........  I COULDN'T TALK TO HIM ANYMORE AND TOLD HIM THAT.  WELL, HE HANGS UP ON ME..... CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT........

ABOUT AN HOUR PASSED BY AND HE IS CALLING ME........  WHICH I DON'T UNDERSTAND......  HE WAS CONCERNED FOR ME.  HE KNEW I WAS NOT FEELING WELL, AND ASKED IF I WAS TAKING SOMETHING.  HE ASKED IF I NEED SOMETHING.  AND JUST VERY CONCERNED.....  HE KNEW I WAS SO UPSET AND HE ACTED APOLOGETIC.  BUT HE NEVER DID SAY THAT...........

 

WELL, LAST NIGHT WAS MY DAUGHTERS BAND CONCERT.........  AND I STILL HADN'T SPOKEN TO HIM, SINCE HIS CALL.  I COULD NOT EVEN LOOK AT HIM, I WAS STILL SO UPSET.......  WELL, AFTER THE CONCERT.  HE FOLLOWED ME HOME.  AND RANG THE DOOR BELL, MY DAUGHTER ANSWERED IT......  HE ASKED IF HE COULD SPEAK TO ME.  SO WE TALK OUTSIDE.....  WE ARE STILL TRYING TO GET MY CAR FIXED.  I AM DRIVING IT, BUT IT NEEDS MORE WORK TO BE DONE.  WELL, HE TALKED ABOUT THAT AND OTHER THINGS........  SO WHEN HE WAS SAYING GOODBYE.......  I ASKED HIM, IF THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT.........  GIVE HIM AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT IT......   HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO GET INTO IT.  AND GET ME ALL UPSET BECAUSE I WAS SICK...... HE SAID WE WOULD TALK ABOUT IT THIS WEEKEND.........

 

SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?.................

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME......BRINx

I AM NOT FEELING WELL.........
I THINK IT IS A COLD.......BUT I AM GETTING SOME REST......

SECTION 4; ON THE BEST OF OPRAH'S  "WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE"

"IF YOU MAKE A CHOICE THAT DOESN'T PLEASE YOUR MATE, FRIENDS, OR WHOEVER, THE WORLD WILL NOT FALL APART."

A BUSINESS STUDENT OF MINE ONCE CHALLENGED ME ON THIS CONCEPT.  "I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT COOKING," SHE EXPLAINED, "BUT MY PARENTS HAVE SPENT NEARLY $100,000 ON MY EDUCATION.  FOR ME TO NOW ANNOUNCE THAT I WANT TO COOK.....  HOW CAN I CHANGE MY MIND?"  I SAID, "IS $100,000 WORTH A LIFE NOT FULFILLED?  HOW MUCH OF YOUR LIFE WILL YOU HAVE TO CONSUME BEFORE YOU CAN PLEASE YOU?"

EVERY DAY, PASSION SPEAKS TO US THROUGH OUR FEELINGS.  THAT'S WHY WHEN YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME ANESTHETIZED BY WHAT OTHERS THINK, YOU LITERALLY BLOCK YOURSELF FROM LIVING THE LIFE YOU WERE CALLED TO LIVE.  I PROMISE YOU THAT IF YOU MAKE A CHOICE THAT DOESN'T PLEASE YOUR MATE, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR MOTHER, OR WHOEVER, THE WORLD WILL NOT FALL APART - THE PEOPLE WHO TRULY LOVE YOU WANT YOU TO LOVE YOURSELF.  AND AS YOU BECOME CLEARER ABOUT WHO YOU REALLY ARE, YOU'LL BE BETTER ABLE TO DECIDE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU - THE FIRST TIME AROUND."

                 


JUST YESTERDAY, I WAS TALKING WITH MY GIRLS...........

MY OLDEST WAS DEBATING ABOUT GOING INTO ACCOUNTING CLASS OR DESK PUBLISHING CLASS, FOR NEXT YEAR........  SHE IS PLANNING TO GO TO COLLEGE TO BECOME A PEDIATRICIAN. WELL, MY BABY GIRL SAID, "WHY, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A PEDIATRICIAN."

WELL, I LOOK AT MY BABY GIRL..........
IT'S GOOD TO LEARN EVERYTHING YOU CAN.  EVEN IF SHE CHANGES HER MIND LATER ON.  IT'S NEVER TO LATE OR TO EARLY TO LEARN.  LOOK AT ME, I AM GOING TO BE 36 YEARS OLD.  AND I AM JUST ABOUT TO START COLLEGE.  EVEN IF YOUR 50 AND WANT TO DO SOMETHING NEW.........IT'S NEVER TO LATE TO LEARN NEW THINGS.........THAT'S LIFE.

AND LIVE LIFE...........

TILL NEXT TIME......... 

3RD SECTION FROM THE BEST OF OPRAH'S "WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE"................

"FAILURE IS JUST A WAY FOR OUR LIVES TO SHOW US WE'RE MOVING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, THAT WE SHOULD TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT."

"I RECENTLY HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF COTEACHING A CLASS ON THE DYNAMICS OF LEADERSHIP FOR MBA STUDENTS AT NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY'S KELLOGG GRADUATE SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT.  ONE OF THE ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE STUDENTS WAS TO CREATE A "PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT PAPER"-A VISION STATEMENT FOR THEIR LIVES.  MANY OF THE STUDENTS, SOME OF THE BRIGHTEST MINDS IN THE COUNTRY, WROTE ABOUT LIFE AS A JOURNEY WITH ITS OWN PROCESS FOR SUCCESS.  YET SOME TALKED ABOUT HOW TERRIFIED THEY WERE AT THE PROSPECT OF FAILURE.

I EXPLAINED TO THE CLASS ONE EVENING THAT IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE LIFE IS A JOURNEY, THEN YOU RECOGNIZE THAT NOT ALL JOURNEYS FOLLOW STRAIGHT ROADS.  YOU CAN COUNT ON THE CURVES, BUMPS, DETOURS, UPHILL CLIMBS - AND EVEN THE DOWNHILL SLIDES.

MOST OF US ARE CERTAINLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH, IF NOT TERRIFIED OF, FAILURE.  WE THINK IT DEFINES US.  IT DOES NOT.  LIKE EVERY OTHER EXPERIENCE, FAILURE IS DEFINED BY OUR REACTION TO IT.  FAILURES CAN BE GOD'S LITTLE WHISPERS; OTHER TIMES, THEY ARE FULL EARTHQUAKES ERUPTING IN OUR LIVES BECAUSE WE DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE WHISPERS.  FAILURE IS JUST A WAY FOR OUR LIVES TO SHOW US THAT WE'RE MOVING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, THAT WE SHOULD TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.  IT HOLDS MO MORE POWER THAN WE GIVE IT."



WOW.....FAILURE AND POWER.  WHAT WORDS, HUH.......

EVEN THE RICH AND FAMOUS GO THROUGH FAILURES.........EVERYBODY DOES...........

IT'S LIKE OPRAH SAID, "WE THINK IT DEFINES US."  BUT "IT DOES NOT."  IT'S DEFINED BY OUR REACTION TO IT..........  OUR POWER.  THIS REMINDS ME OF THIS MOVIE.......
"LABYRINTH"  WITH DAVID BOWIE AND JENNIFER CONNELLY.  AND A CAST OF INCREDIBLE CREATURES CREATED BY JIM HENSON AND PRODUCED BY THE MASTER OF MYTH GEORGE LUCAS!............  I LOVE THIS MOVIE.  ONE OF MY FAVORITE DVDS IN MY COLLECTION...............  AND KIDS LOVE IT TOO........

WELL, TO GET TO THE POINT.........  AT THE END OF THE MOVIE.  SHE REALIZES THAT HE HAD NO POWER OVER HER........  JUST LIKE LIFE.  WE REACT TO OUR FAILURE AND HOW WE TREAT THEM.......... 
WHERE IT WILL TAKE US  AND HOW IT WILL FALL........... 
WILL YOU GET BACK ON YOUR FEET? OR LET IT LAY YOU DOWN IN YOUR BED?.............. 
WILL YOU OPEN THAT DOOR OR WILL YOU LEAVE IT CLOSED?..........
WILL YOU MEET NEW PEOPLE OR JUST WITH THE ONES YOU KNOW?.............

THINK OF WHAT YOUR FAILURE ARE FROM THE PAST AND HOW YOU REACTED TO THEM......   IT MIGHT SURPRISE YOU.........   I KNOW I DID...........

WELL, HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF SOME ERRANDS.
TILL NEXT TIME............ 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO EVERYONE...........

I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GOOD DAY.
HERE IS MY LITTLE MAN........THIS IS WHAT HE BROUGHT HOME FOR MOTHER'S DAY GIFT.  DOESN'T HE LOOK SO CUTE........

WELL, I HAVE BEEN TREATED.  LAST NIGHT, WENT TO RED LOBSTER AND THIS MORNING TO IHOP.  EVERYTHING WAS GOOD, EXCEPT IHOPS WAIT........  WE WERE THERE FOR 2 HOURS TOTAL.........  BUT ALL IN ALL IT WAS A GOOD DAY.   I ALSO RECEIVED BATH & BODY WORKS, MOONLIGHT PATH, BUBBLE BATH, CREAM, THE WORKS............LOVE IT.

ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY......  I NEED TO GO AND CALL MY MOTHER.


TILL NEXT TIME.......... 

NEW SONG...........   BETTER NOW.   THIS IS THE SONG.  WHICH I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS GROUP, "COLLECTIVE * SOUL".......

SO  THINGS HAVE BEEN BUSY..............

I STARTED WORKING AT THIS TEMP AGENT......AND YES THEY FOUND A TEMP JOB FOR ME.  THE JOB WILL END THIS FRIDAY, AND I HOPE THEY HAVE SOMETHING ELSE IN LINE FOR ME.........
THIS IS KEEPING ME BUSY, REALLY BUSY.........  WHICH IS GOOD, I NEED TO KEEP BUSY.   THE PEOPLE I AM WORKING FOR.  ARE REALLY NICE........THEY LIKE HOW I WORK AND GIVEN ME COMPLIMENTS ON MY WORK.   WHICH I LOVE......I NEED TO FEEL LIKE I CAN DO THINGS.  I CAN A COMPLISH, IF I SET MY MIND......

ALSO, MY CAR BROKE DOWN THIS WEEK.........  ON THE DAY MY HUSBAND PURCHASED A CAR FOR THE OLDEST DAUGHTER.  SHE NOW HAS A CAR, OH MY.........  HERE COMES TROUBLE.
NO, I HOPE NOT.......  SHE HAS BEEN ACTING VERY MATURE, AND BE RESPONSIBLE.  SO I THINK SHE IS FINALLY GROWING UP.........  NOW, THAT MAKES ME FEEL OLD...........

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING..........IN A CLEANING MOOD.......
I ORGANIZED MY KITCHEN CABINETS AND MY LAUNDRY/CRAFT ROOM.  AND I CLEANED MY GARAGE. PLUS I MOWED THE LAWN...........  WELL, THE LAWN DID IT.........  I AM TRIED AND MY FEET HURT.

THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND ARE GOOD..........  I FEEL LIKE WE ARE DATING.  WE CALL EACH OTHER EVERYDAY.......  AND WE MAKE PLANS.  AND LIKE ALWAYS, SOME THINGS IS HAPPENING HERE........ 
WE ARE.... TAKING THIS SLOW, THIS TIME.  HE IS SO HELPFUL........WILL BE THERE, WHEN WE NEED HIM........  BUT WE ARE GIVING EACH OTHER TIME AND SPACE....... 
I AM STILL WORRY ABOUT THINGS, BUT I AM GOING WITH THE FLOW OF THINGS.

               

OK.......HERE IS A PICTURE OF US.  THIS WAS TAKEN BACK IN 89/90.  I LOVE THIS PICTURE...........

OK......I NEED TO GO AND GET DRESS.  WE ARE GOING OUT TO DINNER........

TILL NEXT TIME........ 

WHO'S WHO...............

I HAVE VERY GOOD NEWS............


MY OLDEST DAUGHTER HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR ONE OF THE HIGHEST ACADEMIC HONORS AWARDED TO LESS THAN 5% OF AMERICAN HIGH STUDENTS.



TO:  WHO'S WHO AMONG AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.

I AM SOOOOOOOO PROUD OF MY DAUGHTER..........


                     

                                  
SORRY THIS IS SHORT......WILL WRITE MORE LATER.

TILL NEXT TIME..........

FIRST........A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE.......
WHO COMMENT ON MY LAST ENTRY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT......... I SO APPRECIATE IT......SO MUCH.


NOW......I HAVE TO SHARE THIS TO ALL THE MOTHERS ON J-LAND.
 
~~~~ HAPPY EARLY MOTHER'S DAY ~~~~~

MOM - Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have
done it!!!!



POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often
chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also,
must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero
to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the
backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously
sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have
ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR A DVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
Virtually none Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those
in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,
no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies
limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you
play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in appreciation for everything
they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated


                   






OK......NOW, FOR A BIT OF HUMOR.  THIS IS FOR YOU, CYNDY.  AND YOUR NEW JOURNAL......

http://journals.aol.com/ccancu/CEEGEEATLARGE/

HERE TO EVERYONE IN THEIR UNDERWEAR...........

TILL NEXT TIME..... 

HAPPY AND WATCHFULL.....

YES...........I AM SO HAPPY.

THIS WEEKEND, I WAS WITH MY HUSBAND.
WE ARE TALKING.........THIS IS MEANT TO BE.  WE HAVE FEELING........ I KNOW HE STILL LOVES ME.

IT THE OTHER STUFF THAT WE NEED TO WORK AT.........  I KNOW.

BUT RIGHT NOW........I JUST WANT TO HOLD ON TO THIS FEELING......  I AM LIKE WALKING ON AIR........

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.......  HE STILL MAKES ME SMILE, HAPPY.  HE KNOWS ME SO WELL..........
I JUST WANT TO HOLD HIM FOREVER..........
TO LOOK IN HIS EYES........ TO SEE THAT SPARKLE WITH HIS LOVING SMILE.........   HE IS SO HANDSOME.......  HIS VOICE, I COULD SPOT IT A MILE AWAY....... JUST KIDDING, BUT I HEAR HIM AND I JUMP INSIDE..........   I NEED TO STOP. 

I LOVE ........  
THAT IS MY SWEETHEART'S NAME.

    &