OK...... QUICK ENTRY.......

I RECEIVED MY ADMISSION TEST SCORES TODAY......

ALL I HAVE TO SAY......
IS THAT I AM GLAD I PASSED 1 OUT OF 3......
NEXT TEST......
I WILL HAVE 5 HOURS TO PASS THE MATH AND WRITING......
OH WELL..... I REALLY THROUGH THAT I WAS NOT GOING TO PASS ANY OF THEM. SO I AM GLAD TO SEE ONE PASSED, MY READING, COOL, HUH......

WELL, NEW SONG.....
I HAVE BEEN PLAYING THIS ONE.......
OVER AND OVER......
EVEN MY LITTLE MAN SAYS.....
AGAIN MOM, AGAIN.......
AND THEN HE IS BOOPING HIS HEAD TO THE BEAT......



FOREIGNER.......

JUKE BOX HERO......

Standing in the rain, with his head hung low
Couldn't get a ticket, it was a sold out show
Heard the roar of the crowd, he could picture the scene
Put his ear to the wall, then like a distant scream

He heard one guitar, just blew him away
He saw stars in his eyes, and the very next day
Bought a beat up six string in a secondhand store
Didn't know how to play it, but he knew for sure

That one guitar, felt good in his hands
Didn't take long, to understand
Just one guitar, slung way down low
Was one way ticket, only one way to go

So he started rockin'
Ain't never gonna stop
Gotta keep on rockin'
Someday he's gonna make it to the top

And be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
He's a juke box hero
He took one guitar, juke box hero, stars in his eyes
Juke box hero, he'll come alive tonight

In a town without a name, in a heavy downpour
Thought he passed his own shadow, by the backstage door
Like a trip through the past, to that day in the rain
And that one guitar made his whole life change

Now he needs to keep rockin'
He just can't stop
Gotta keep on rockin'
That boy has got to stay on top

And be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
He's a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
Yeah, juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
With that one guitar he'll come alive
Come alive tonight

Yeah, he's gotta keep rockin'
He just can't stop
Gotta keep on rockin'
That boy has got to stay on top

And be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
He's a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
Just one guitar, put stars in his eyes
He's just a juke box hero, aah aah aah
Juke box hero, juke box hero, he's got stars in his eyes
Stars in his eyes

TILL NEXT TIME....... 
 

 YESTERDAY WAS HUMP DAY........

AND MY HUSBAND AND I HAD MADE PLANS. ON EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT HE WOULD TAKE THE KIDS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.....
LIKE HE REQUESTED IN HIS EMAIL......

WELL, YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST TIME......

HE CALLED ME BEFORE 5PM, THAT HIS BOSS SUPERVISER WAS IN TOWN AND WAS PLANNING TO TAKE HIM TO DINNER. BUT THAT HE WAS TRY TO GET OUT OF IT. IF HE WASN'T ABLE TO, THAT IF WE COULD DO IT FOR TOMORROW.
I TOLD HIM, WHATEVER, DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.......
BUT, HE STILL ACTS LIKE HE IS CHECKING ON ME.
WHEN HE CALLED HE ASKED IF I WAS AT WORK. IF I HAD A MIN.
I FELT LIKE TELLING HIM......
IF I WAS NOT ABLE TO TALK, I WOULD HAVE NOT ANSWER THE PHONE.....
BUT I CAN'T BE SO RUDE TO HIM.  AFTER EVERYTHING......
I GUESS I COULD OF TOLD HIM POLITELY.
I HAVE TO MUCH ANGRIER TOWARDS HIM AND I KNOW IT WOULD OF SOUND NOT SO POLITE....

WELL, THE REASON I AM GETTING INTO THIS........
WHEN HE FINALLY CALLED BACK TO SAY, HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO MY HOUSE. OUR SON ASKED TO TALK ON THE PHONE.  HE LOOKS SO CUTE ON THE PHONE.  AND HE IS STARTING TO MAKE CONVERSATION.  HE IS STARTING TO TALK ALOT......  SO HE TALKED TO DAD, THEN SAID "BYE" AND HE CLOSES THE FLIP PHONE.  IT'S TOO CUTE....
BUT......
AFTER THE PHONE CALL, HE GOES TO THE WINDOW AND JUST LOOKS OUT.
HE LIKE A DOG BEGGING TO GO OUT, BUT HE IS WAITING FOR HIS DAD TO DRIVE UP.  HE WOULD OCCASIONAL TURN AROUND AND TELL ME "MY DADDY IS COMING."
I WOULD TELL HIM, "YES, HE IS." 
MY HEART WAS BREAKING.......
HE MISS HIM SO MUCH, AND LOVES THE TIME HE GETS WITH HIM.  BUT HE KNOW THAT HE IS LEAVING ME, AFTER HIS FATHER PUTS HIM IN THE CAR.
BUT HE STARTING TO REALIZE THAT IT IS JUST FOR AWHILE.  HE WILL COME BACK.

I HAVE BEEN THINK ABOUT ALL THIS......
HE IS GOING TO GROW UP THINKING THAT....
A FATHER IS NEVER AROUND THE HOUSE.....
AND THAT HE ONLY SEES A DAD AROUND EVERY OTHER WEEKEND AND 1 DAY OUT OF THE WEEK.......
THIS IS HOW HE IS GOING TO GROW UP. THINKING THIS........
HOW DIVORCE CHANGES SO MUCH.......

MY BABY GIRL SPENT SOME TIME WITH MY OLDEST.....
I WAS AT WORK WHEN I SAW THAT I HAD A MESSAGE.....  SO I ASKED TO TAKE A BREAK TO CHECK IT.
SHE HAD CALLED TO SEE IF SHE COULD GO WITH MY OLDEST. SHE WASGOING SHOPPING.  MY OLDEST WAS NOT ABLE TO GO BY HERSELF (DAD'S RULES). {REMEMBER, SHE IS LIVING WITH MY HUSBAND.} WHICH I WOULD OF SAID THE SAME THING. SO SHE CALLED MY BABY GIRL.  BY THE TIME I CALLED HER.  THEY WERE ALREADY ON THE ROAD.  I TOLD HER THAT THIS WOULD NEVER BE A PROBLEM.  BUT TO LEAVE A MESSAGE THAT SHE WAS WITH HER. SO I WOULD KNOW.....
I AM SO HAPPY THAT THEY GOT TOGETHER........  SISTER, HUH........
THEY ARE BECOMING CLOSE...... THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY......  ONE GOOD THING THAT HAS HAPPEN BECAUSE OF THE DIVORCE.......

WELL, I STAYED BUSY......
I MOWED AND EDGED MY FRONT YARD. PLUS, I EVEN WASHED MY CAR AND CLEANED THE INSIDE......  IT NEEDED IT.  TOOK SOME BAGS OF CLOTHING TO THE GOODWILL. I HAD THOSE BAGS IN THE TRUNK FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS, MAYBE.....
BUT I DID ALOT....

WELL, I BETTER GO. I NEED TO GET READY...

TILL NEXT TIME...... 

I HAVE BEEN DREADING THIS WEEKEND..........

YOU SEE.....
17TH YEARS AGO ON JULY THE 4TH.....
I WAS SAYING "I DO" TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE........
THIS WILL BE OUR LAST YEAR.......
IT SO CRUEL THAT THE PAPER WORK WILL BE DONE AFTER OUR ANNIVERSARY......

I KNOW I COULD GET THROUGH THIS.....
I JUST NEED TO KEEP BUSY....
AND I HOPE THAT HE WILL STAY AWAY....
HE CAN'T BE THAT CRUEL......

I AM PLANNING TO BBQ AND TAKE MY KIDS (MY BABY GIRL AND MY SON) TO THE TOWN FIREWORKS.  IT HAS BEEN A TRADITION.  EVERY YEAR SINCE 10 YEARS NOW......  I REMEMBER LAST YEAR, MY HUSBAND TOKE US OUT TO EAT FOR LUNCH. I TOOK THE KIDS TO THE FIREWORKS.  HE DIDN'T JOIN US.  HE DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THE CROWD.  WHICH WE DIDN'T.......  EVERY YEAR I FIND THE RIGHT PLACE TO SEE THE FIREWORKS AND THE RIGHT PARKING SPOT. WHERE WE COULD EASILY JUMP IN AND DRIVE WITHOUT GETTING INTO THE TRAFFIC........  SOMEHOW IT JUST WORKS OUT......

THE LAST ONE.......
HOW SOOOOOOO MUCH HAS HAPPEN.
17TH YEARS.......  I REMEMBER WATCHING "PARENTHOOD" WITH STEVE MARTIN. HOW THEY EXPLAINED HOW PARENTING IS LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER......
YOU HAVE YOUR UPS AND DOWNS WITH TWIST AND TURNS......
IT IS ALSO WITH LIFE...... LOOKING BACK THROUGH ALL THOSE YEARS, HOW IT WAS SO REAL..... BUT EVEN GOING THROUGH THIS DIVORCE. HOW IT STILL HAS THOSE UPS AND DOWNS, TWIST AND TURNS..... YOU JUST KEEP ROLLING WITH IT.....
LIFE STILL GOES ON......

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME...... 

                       I AM SO SORE............

                ON SUNDAY, I DID SOME CHANGES.
                I MOVED OUT MY BEDROOM SET.
                ALL BY MYSELF....
                WHAT WAS I THINKING.......
                I WILL BE SELLING IT.
                MY HUSBAND SAW THAT I MOVED IT OUT.
                HE WAS SHOCKED......
                I AM MOVING FORWARD WITH MY LIFE......
                I AM KEEPING THE MATTRESS.....
                FOR NOW, BUT ONCE.......
                I COULD AFFORD A NEW ONE....
                I WILL.........

                IT JUST HOLD TO MAY MEMORIES..........
                
                BUT I HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD.
                MY ROOM LOOKS SO EMPTY.
                BUT MY BODY HURTS......
                AND MY SOUL........
                BUT I WILL MOVE FORWARD.......

                WELL, TILL NEXT TIME......
                   
            

A Few Questions For You

from:

(All The Makings of Insanity)   <------ CLICK TO VISIT.


What is your favorite word?  I WOULD HAVE TO SAY "LOVE" TOO.
What is your least favorite word?  The word "HATE."
What turns you on?   THE RIGHT PERSON WHO KNOWS HOW TO TOUCH ME, KISS ME, HOLD ME JUST RIGHT.  TENDERNESS, LOVE. GIVE HIMSELF TO ME, AS I WOULD GIVE MYSELF. RESPECT........ 
What turns you off?  "LET'S DO IT."
What sound or noise do you love?   LAUGHTER.
What sound or noise do you hate?  WHIMPERING.
What is your favorite curse word?  DUMB ASS. 
What profession other than yours would you most like to attempt?  PROFESSOR. LIKE I COULD.......
What profession other than yours would you least like to attempt?  I BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SMALL JOBS.  YOU HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE TO ACHIEVE IN ANYTHING.  BUT I THINK THE WORST JOB IS A TRASH PERSON.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? "WELCOME HOME."

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME....... 

 

FIRST......................




BELATED..............


MY COMPUTER WAS ACTING UP YESTERDAY.......
AND I COULDN'T GET ONLINE TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND ELLEN...........
I HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL AND  BEAUTIFUL DAY........



AS FOR ME........
MY FRIDAY WAS BAD........
BUT ENDED NICE.......
THERE IS A SUPERVISER THAT IS STARTING TO RUB ME THE WRONG WAY......
HE IS PICK ON ME ABOUT LITTLE THINGS.......
WELL, HE PICKED ON ME AGAIN ON FRIDAY. PLUS I HEARD FROM MY LAWYER ASSISTANT, THAT THE PAPER WORK ON THE DIVORSE WILL BE FAXED OVER TO THEM ON MONDAY........
BOY, IT'S COMING.........
I WONDER HOW IT'S GOING TO LOOK.......
I WAS GLAD IT WAS A FRIDAY. PLUS MY HUSBAND WAS GOING TO HAVE THE KIDS FOR THE WEEKEND........
SO.....

I CALLED MY FRIEND AND ASKED IF SHE WOULD LIKE TO GO OUT.......
AND WE TOOK OFF.........

I FINALLY WENT TO A CONCERT........
IT WAS NOT A BIG CONCERT. THEY PLAYED AT A CLUB. MAYBE ABOUT 75 PEOPLE WERE THERE.
THE GROUP WAS VALLEJO....... HARD ROCK....... BUT I ENJOYED MYSELF........
MY EARS WERE RINGING AFTERWARDS.....


 
WELL, I STAYED BUSY AT HOME.  WORKED AT HOME WITH MY PART-TIME JOB. AND I HEARD FROM MY MOTHER.  MY SISTER AND MOTHER WERE COMING INTO TOWN. SO, I MET UP WITH THEM FOR LUNCH.  IT WAS NICE.........
I ALSO HEAR FROM MY OTHER FRIEND. SHE INVITED ME TO GO TO THE POOL......
SO THAT SATURDAY AFTERNOON, I MET HER AND HER SON.......  WHICH, IS MY LITTLE MAN'S BUDDY......  HE KEPT ASKING FOR HIM. SO I WISH I HAD MY SON.......  I MISSED HIM......
WELL, SHE LEFT 30 MINUTES BEFORE THE POOL WAS GOING TO CLOSE.  SO, I JUMPED INTO THE BIG POOL TO DO A COUPLE OF LAPS.  I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I JUMPING INTO THE 7' SECTION.  WHEN STRAIGHT DOWN...........  THAT TOOK MY BREATHE AWAY, BUT I RECOVER FASTED.......

BUT I ENJOYED THE TIME ALONE IN THE POOL........ 
MAKES ME MISS MY POOL AT HOME. 
I WOULD DO LAPS AND I WAS ABLE TO GO IN AT ANY TIME.  BUT ONE DAY, I WILL HAVE MY POOL BACK........



I HAVE BEEN PLAYING THIS CD SO MUCH......
THERE IS ONLY 2 SONGS THAT I DON'T REALLY CARE FOR........
BUT I LOVE THE CD.....

SO, HERE IS THE LYRICS TO:

NO GIVING UP

SO YOU FOUND OUT TODAY YOUR LIFE'S NOT THE SAME
NOT QUITE AS PERFECT AS IT WAS YESTERDAY
WHEN YOU WERE JUST GETTING IN THE GROOVE
NOW YOU'RE FACED WITH SOMETHING NEW
I KNOW IT HURTS AND I KNOW YOU FEEL TORN
BUT YOU NEVER GAVE UP THIS EASILY BEFORE
SO WHY DO YOU CHOOSE TODAY TO GIVE IT ALL AWAY
WELL IT'S NOT SO BAD YA'LL TOGETHER WE ALL FALL
JUST AS LONG AS WE GET UP WE'LL STAND TALL
WE SHOULDN'T WASTE ANOTHER DAY
THINKIN' 'BOUT THE THINGS THAT WE FORGET TO SAY
i'M HITTIN' BACK YA'LL (KICKIN) THESE FOUR WALLS
JUST AS HARD AS I CAN 'TIL I CAN'T CRAWL
I WON'T WASTE ANOTHER DAY WITH ALL
THESE SILLY THINGS SWIMMIN' IN MY BRAIN

THERE'S NO GIVING UP NOW
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GIVE THIS ALL AWAY
CAN'T YOU EVER SEE THINGS IN A DIFFERENT WAY SOME DAY
SUCH A BEAUTIFUL THING TO THROW AWAY
YOU SHOULD THINK THINGS THROUGH OVER AND OVER AGAIN

SO YOUR SCARS FADE AWAY YOU SOAKED UP THE PAIN
A BETTER PERSON 'CAUSE YOU LIVED THROUGH THOSE DAYS
AND NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO PROOVE
YOU CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING THAT GETS TO YOU
WELL IT'S ALRIGHT WE'RE SAYING OUR GOODBYES
TO THE PAST AND EVERYTHING THAT AIN'T RIGHT
WE WON'T WASTE ANOTHER DAY
WITH ALL THESE SILLY THINGS IN OUR WAY

YOU SHOULD THINK THINGS THROUGH
BEFORE YOU GIVE IT UP NOW

I KNOW WE HAVE GIVEN ALL THAT WE CAN GIVE
WHEN THERE'S NOTHING TO LEAN ON I'D REMEMBER THIS
ALL WE MAKE OF THIS LIFETIME HAS ALWAYS BEEN WITHIN
AND REMEMBERING THAT'S WHY WE SHOULD NEVER GIVE (IN)

TILL NEXT TIME.......... 

WELL, I RECEIVED AN EMAIL........

FROM MY HUSBAND........
HE HAS STOPPED CALLING ME. AND IS NOW EMAILING ME.
THIS ONE WAS HARD, BECAUSE HE SOUNDS HEARTBROKEN.
HE TELLS ME THIS:
"I TALKED TO "BABY GIRL" AND "LITTLE MAN" ON THE PHONE. I REALLY MISS THEM. I HAVE ONE OF THE PICTURES YOU EMAILED ME ON MY DESKTOP AS A BACKGROUND AND EVERYTIME I SEE HIM, IT REALLY HURTS.  BUT, I CAN'T AND WON'T REMOVE IT. THE ONLY REASON I BRING THIS UP BECAUSE IN MOST DIVORCE'S THE DAD ALSO GETS TIME DURING THE WEEK. WOULD YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? IF THERE IS A CERTAIN DAY THAT YOU USUALLY HAVE PLANS, MAYBE THEY CAN COME WITH ME FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. ANYWAY, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.  I REALLY WISH YOU AND "OLDEST" WOULD GET ALONG A LITTLE BETTER. I AM STAYING OUT OF THE SITUATION AS YOU ASKED ME TO, BUT I REALLY WANT YOU TWO TO MAINTAIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. YOU BOTH NEED EACH OTHER MORE THAN YOU THINK IN MY OPINION. IF THERE IS EVERY ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP THAT SITUATION, LET ME KNOW."

SO WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK???????

I AM GOING TO MAKE PLANS WITH HIM.  WELL, SEE HOW IT WILL GO.........

TILL NEXT TIME........ 

WELL, I WAS DOING OK TILL..........

MY HUSBAND CALLED MY DAUGHTER. HE WANTED TO TALK TO HIS SON. AND SHE HANDED THE PHONE TO HIM.  I COULD HEAR THE CONVERSATION.  HE TOLD HIM THAT HE MISSED HIM AND THAT HE LOVED HIM.  MY SON KEPT ASKING HIM IF HE COULD GO OVER TO THE APARTMENT.  BUT HE WOULD TELL HIM THAT HE WOULD BE COMING THIS WEEKEND.  LIKE MY SON WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT...........

I FELT LIKE WHAT A JERK........
DID HE SAY THE SAMETHING TO HIS BABY GIRL.  AND IF HE DIDN'T.  DID HE REALIZE WHAT HE WAS DOING.........

I TOO FELT LIKE.......
I AM JUST CHOPPED LIVER.......
HE IS SO CRUEL.........

I ALSO READ THIS (entry) AND BOY........
DOES IT HIT THE NAIL.......
I CRYED READING THROUGH IT.......
NOT FOR ME, FOR MY HUSBAND......
BECAUSE I KNOW IT WILL HIT HIM ONE DAY..........

I HAVE BEEN GOING TO BED BY 9 PM.......
I HAVE BEEN SLEEPY, I HAVE BEEN WORKING OUT (STRENGTH TRAINING).  MAYBE THAT IS WHY.......
BUT I HAVE BEEN HAVING STRANGE DREAMS.....
I DREAMT THAT MY HUSBAND WAS CHASING THIS SNAKE BUT IT HAD ARMS AND LEGS. BUT IT WAS A SNAKE AND IT HAD FUR AROUND THE NECK PART. STRANGE, HUH....

WELL, I AM OFF TO BED.
TILL NEXT TIME........ 

Stolen

Please leave a one word comment that you think best describes me.

It can only be one word.  No more.

Then copy and paste this into your journal so that I may leave a word about you...

Stolen from Barbara

http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK/

&

http://journals.aol.com/eml625/Onedayatatime/

LAST MONTH ISSUE OF "O"

 

I READ ABOUT THIS ESSAY CONTEST.

"MOVING FORWARD"

I WANTED TO GET READY FOR MY TEST; THE ESSAY WRITING SECTION.

SO I WROTE AN ESSAY AND HERE IT IS.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK:

 

 

 

 

Dealing

 

I have been dealing with the loss of my love.  My husband announced that he wanted a divorce after 16 years of marriage.  The road of our marriage had brought many struggles with good times and beautiful moments. I have gone through stages of dealing with my divorce.  I dealt with denial, anger, bargaining, letting go, and acceptance. I believe I will deal with them for the rest of my life.

 

I am learning to be a single mother, while finding myself.  At the same time, dealing with the everyday changes that life brings to me.  At this moment, I sit here alone in my home, missing everything I once had in my life.  But next weekend, my kids will be with me and it will fill the void of my emptiness.  My friends and family tell me, he is the one losing and losing a lot more.  But I know deep down inside, no one has won. I am learning to make peace with the past and to learn from it.

 

I am moving forward in life.

 

I know I have choices.  If this is what life brings to me, I learn to move forward. I am taking baby steps, one at a time.  First, I am going back to work.  In addition, I have plans to attend college.  I received my acceptance letter the other day.  What a joy.  For the first time in my life, at the age of 36, I will step onto a college campus.  An opportunity, I never thought I would have had.

 

I read that it is easier to stay down, because you will have less to lose, however living brings so much more; love, joy, happiness, etc, etc…..  With it comes hurt, sadness, etc, etc….  What I know is that this is life and how we react to it, makes us. Moving forward and not backwards. So, I choose to move forward. 

 

 

NOW, FOR A NEW SONG........
I BROUGHT THIS CD..........  BECAUSE I LOVE THE SONG "COLD".........  BUT LISTENING TO THIS CD.

I BECAME ATTACHED TO THIS ONE.  IT A LITTLE CREEPY, BUT IT'S HOW I FEEL..........

 

"Dead Skin"

So I'm the king of all these things of this mess I have made
Such a waste what a shame my whole life is a fake
Well I'm a bore and I'm sure I'm a thorn inside of you that has torn at you for years
The alcohol the demerol these things never could replace
What a minute with you could do to put a smile on my face
I'm a bore and I'm sure I'm a thorn inside of you that has torn at me for years
I can't get out of this dead skin I can't shed my skin
I'm not sure where to begin why can't I begin again
I can't get under my dead skin I can't shed my skin
Can I sllep 'til then

Phenobarbitol and alocohol these two surely will do
To knock me out keep me down at least a day or two
When I'm awake I can taste how bitter I've become
And it's more than I can bear somedays I pray someone will blow me away
Make it quick but let it burn so I can feel my life fade
Well I'm a waste and I can taste how bitter I've become
And it's more than I can bear
I can't shed my skin
I can't shed my skin

 

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME....... 

 THE DAY IS OVER..........

I DID HEAR FROM MY HUSBAND.  WE MADE PLANS, AND HE CAME BY TO PICK UP THE KIDS.  MY OLDEST DAUGHTER CAME WITH HIM.......
IT WAS SO NICE TO SEE HER......
SHE WAS FEELING A LITTLE ILL ON FRIDAY, BUT SHE DID SAY THAT SHE IS DOING BETTER........  I WAS GLAD TO SEE HER.

WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO STAY IN THE HOUSE ALONG. SO, I WENT OUT.......
WHILE DRIVING I DID CALL MY MOTHER. TO GET MY FATHER'S PHONE #. SHE WASN'T HOME.  SO, I CALLED MY COUSIN.  SHE HAD IT.
I HAD CALLED THE HOUSE, BUT HE WAS NOT HOME. SO I CALLED THE CELL PHONE # AND LEFT A MESSAGE.
WELL, MY MOTHER FINALLY CALLED ME BACK.  WE TALKED AND SHE INFORMED ME ABOUT MY SISTER.
BOY, SHE IS IN A BIG MESS........
AND I HAD MENTION TO HER THAT I HAD CALLED MY FATHER AND LEFT A MESSAGE.  WELL, MY BROTHER WAS THERE AND HE TRYED CALLING MY FATHER. TO LET HIM KNOW THAT I TRYED TO REACH HIM.  IT HAS BEEN ALONG TIME SINCE I CALLED MY FATHER, DON'T HAVE HIS #. SO, FOR ME TO CALL AND ON FATHER'S DAY.  WAS A BIG DEAL.........

YOU SEE..... I TOO HAVE A VERY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY.....  ALONG WITH OTHER THINGS.........

NOW, MY SISTER........  I RECENTLY FOUND OUT FROM MY MOTHER THAT SHE IS INVOLVED WITH A DRUG DEALER.  MIND YOU, SHE HAD 3 LITTLE ONES. AND THESE PASS 2 DAYS HAVE BEEN BAD....... IT STARTED WITH HIM WANTING TO SMOKE A JOINT (GRASS) WHATEVER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN......  WELL, HE SMOKE ONE AND WANTED OTHER.  BUT MY SISTER DIDN'T WANT HIM TOO.... AND TRYED TO STOP HIM.  WELL, HE WENT OFF ON HER AND SHE WAS ATTACKED.  WELL, SHE LEFT AND WHEN TO MY MOTHER. AND HE FOLLOWED AND WAS YELLING ON HER YARD AT 4 IN THE MORNING.  WELL, MY MOTHER CALLED THE POLICE AND HAD HIM ARRESTED.  WELL, BY THAT AFTERNOON, HE WAS OUT.  AND BY THIS TIME, MY FATHER FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS AND WENT AFTER HIM.  YEP, THEY FOUGHT. BUT FROM WHAT I HEAR, MY SISTER WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS.......
SO STUPID.......... SHE GOT CAUGHT WITH ALL THE PUNCH AND HITS..... I CAN'T BELIEVE HER........

WELL, MY FATHER FINALLY CALLED ME BACK.......
AND WE DID TALK, NOT ABOUT THAT.....
I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT......
BUT HE DID SOMETHING.........
HE APOLOGIZE FOR MY CHILDHOOD. HE HAS BEEN PRAYING FOR ME. AND HE TOLD ME IF I EVER NEED ANYTHING TO CALL.......
HIS IS STILL MY FATHER AND HE KNOW HE MADE MISTAKES..........  AND STILL DOES. NO ONE IS PERFECT. BUT TO LEARN, NOT TO REPEAT THE MISTAKES, IS WHAT MATTERS......
AND THEN WE SAID OUR GOODBYES........

AFTER TALKING TO HIM. I COULDN'T GET MY SISTER OFF MY MIND.......
SO, I CALLED HER.......
I TOLD HER I WAS CALLING BECAUSE OUR MOTHER TOLD ME ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND....
SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GET INTO IT. SHE WAS TRIED AND WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE........
I TOLD HER THAT IS FINE..........
BUT I NEED TO SAY MY PEACE........

"I FEEL THAT YOU WILL BE GOING TO JAIL, IF YOU KEEP UP WITH HIM...... AND YOU HAVE 3 KIDS TO THINK ABOUT. IS HE WORTH EVERYTHING.... BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO LOSS EVERYTHING, YOU AND THE KIDS......  SHE TELLS ME THAT HE WANTS TO CHANGE. YEA......BUT LOOK AT THE FACTS.  IS HE CHANGING........ THINK WITH YOUR MIND ABOUT EVERYTHING.  IF HE IS CHANGING AND STAY THAT WAY.  THEN WORK WITH HIM TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK.  BUT IF HE IS BEING ABUSIVE AND DOING THE DRUGS IN YOUR HOUSE WITH YOUR KIDS.  YOU ARE JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE.  THINK ABOUT IT."

WE TALKED SO MUCH.......  I HOPE I GOT THROUGH TO HER......  PLEASE SAY A PRAYER FOR HER.

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME........ 

YESTERDAY........

I RENTED/WATCHED "HITCH"......
I KNOW NOT A GOOD MOVIE TO WATCH RIGHT NOW..... LOVE STORY. BUT I AM HER RIGHT NOW...... 
HE TELLS HER, (THE FIRST TIME HE TALKS TO HER), NO EARRINGS, HEELS UNDER 2 INCHES, HAIR PUTTED BACK, WITH READING GLASSED BUT NO BOOK, AND THERE IS ALWAYS THE F**K OFF SIGN ON YOUR FOREHEAD.  SHE WAS IN A BAR DRINKING DRINKS AND THIS IS HOW SHE LOOKED.....
THAT HOW I LOOK.... NO WONDER, HUH.....
IT WAS A GOOD MOVIE......

I ALSO WENT TO THE COMMUNITY POOL.  TOOK THE LITTLE MAN, MEET UP WITH ONE OF HIS BUDDY'S AND MY FRIEND......
HE DIDN'T WANT TO GET INTO THE POOL.  AND THIS IS THE POOL, THAT I WANT TO HAVE HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY.....
AN HOUR PASSED, AND HE WAS FINALLY IN....  HE ENJOYED HIMSELF.......  I CAN'T WAIT TILL THE PARTY....
OH.....  HIS BUDDY'S B-DAY IS ON THE 17TH AND MY SON IS ON THE 29TH.  BEING WE (MY FRIEND) ARE TIGHT WITH MONEY. I TOLD HER WE COULD HAVE A PRIVATE POOL PARTY (LIMIT TO 100 PEOPLE), TOGETHER. SPLIT THE $$$.  WE WOULD HAVE BOTH POOLS FOR THE PARTY, PLENTY OF ROOM.  WE WOULD HAVE ONE INVITATION FOR THE DAYCARE KIDS.  AND I DON'T HAVE ALOT OF FAMILY THAT WOULD BE COMING OVER, NOT EVEN CLOSE TO 30.  SO, SHE IS GOING TO TALK IT OVER WITH HER HUSBAND.
WELL SEE......

AFTER THE POOL, WE WENT TO THE PARK AND HAD A PICNIC. I TOOK HER TO THE PARK, THE ONE THAT MY HUSBAND TAKES THE LITTLE MAN TOO......  BEAUTIFUL VIEW.....  IT'S WHERE THE WINDSURFER GO....  WELL, WE WALKED DOWN THE PATH TO WHERE THEY GO IN. AND MY FRIEND ASKED ONE OF THEM, "IS IT CALLED WINDSURFING?".....  I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SHE ASKED.  AND A VERY NICE LOOKING GUY....... HE TOLD US, IT IS CALLED KITE BROADING.  SO THERE WE HAVE IT......
AND AS FOR HIM.  HE WAS VERY POLITE....
HE WOULD SAY, YES, MA.........  BUT HE WAS TOO YOUNG.... OH, WELL....... I AM NOT LOOKING.....HAHA......

WHILE EATING AND TALKING, SHE MENTION THAT SHE WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HER COMPUTER.  SO, AFTER THE PARK AND THE WALK. I WENT OVER TO HER HOUSE TO LOOK AT IT......
BOY, SHE WAS SLAMMED BY SPYWARE AND ADWARE.  I INSTALLED SOME PROGRAMS AND RAN THEM.  THE 1ST ONE CAUGHT 415. AND THE SECOND ONE, I DON'T REMEMBER, BUT YES THAT IS WHY HER COMPUTER WAS RUNNING SLOW AND COULD GET INTO AOL........ 
WELL, AFTER RUN THE PROGRAMS AND CLEARING IT OUT. WE TESTED THE COMPUTER.  WE GOT IT TO CONNECT TO AOL.......  WOW, I DID IT.......  THAT MADE ME FEEL SO GOOD..........  SHE STILL HAS TO DO OTHER THINGS THAT I HAD LEFT HER WITH, BUT WE START CURING THE PROBLEM.......

        

I WANT TO GIVE A BIG
THANK YOU
TO JENNIFER..........

SHE MADE THIS  (ENTRY) <---CLICK
FOR ME.........

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT......
I APPRECIATE IT......
AND I AM STILL TRYING TO FIND THE SONG TO PLAY IT.  I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT.....

I READ HER ENTRY THIS MORNING.....AND SHE TALK ABOUT THIS GUY.......
HE DIVORCE HIS WIFE TO BE WITH THIS OTHER GIRL.  WELL, IT DIDN'T WORKOUT. HE WAS TRYING TO GET HER BACK AND SHE WAS NOT READY, ENJOYING HER FREEDOM.
WELL, SHE WAS HIT BY A DRUNK DRIVER AND KILLED.  HOW LIFE CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT.........
SO SAD........

I KNOW IT'S FATHER'S DAY.......
I DON'T REALLY SPEAK TO MY FATHER.....  BECAUSE OF MY CHILDHOOD, I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO IT. BUT I AM FELLING FORGIVENESS TODAY.......  I WILL BE CALLING TO SAY,"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY"......
WELL, SEE HOW IT GOES.......

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME.........
 

MY BABY GIRL...........

LAST NIGHT, SHE HAD FUN.........  FINALLY, AFTER EVERYTHING...... 
SHE HAD/HAS 2 OF HER FRIENDS OVER FOR A SLEEPOVER.  I FINALLY SAW A SMILE AND LAUGHTER ON HER FACE.........
IT MAKES ME SMILE........

NOW, MY HUSBAND CALLED ME BEFORE 5 PM. TO SEE IF HE COULD SEE HIS SON. HE WAS STILL CONCERN ABOUT THE SCATCH AND HE WANTED TO SEE HIM. HE ALSO ASKED IF I WAS STILL AT WORK/BUSY AT WORK. LIKE HE WAS CHECKING UP ON ME. I TELL YOU, HE IS SO SO, I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. HE STILL WAS TO BE IN MY BUSINESS. HE FEEL LIKE, SINCE I WAS/IS HIS WIFE. HE SHOULD........ SO WE MADE OUR PLANS.
WELL, ABOUT 45 MINUTES WENT BY, WHEN MY DAUGHTER'S CELL PHONE RANG.  IT WAS MY HUSBAND CALLING, HE ASKED HER IF I TOLD HER THAT HE WAS GOING TO PICK UP OUR SON. I FELT AGAIN LIKE HE WAS CHECKING UP ON ME. WELL, HE INVITED HER TO GO WITH THEM.........
WHICH, SHE TOLD HIM SHE HAD PLANS.... THE SLEEPOVER.
I AM JUST SO HAPPY SHE FINALLY HAD SOME FUN TIME.........

OH, SPEAKING OF FUN TIME..........
SHE ALSO ASKED ME THIS......... AND REMEMBER SHE IS 14 1/2.

"MOM, WOULD YOU LET ME GO TO THE MOVIES WITH 2 GUY FRIENDS?"
OK........ I COULDN'T SPEAK..........

I KEPT THINKING AND SEEING HER........
PICTURING HER WITH PIGTALES AND HER PUPPY IN HER ARM. (THE PUPPY FROM THE PICTURE.)
HOW MY BABY GIRL HAS GROWN UP......  HOW TIME CAN BE SO CRUEL......
SO, I AM LOOKING AT HER WITH THAT SAD FACE.........
SHE IS SMILING AT ME........ AND SAYS.
"WHAT....."  "THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS, MOM."
SO, I TELL HER........  HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET TO MOVIE? WHEN DO YOU PLAN ON GOING? WHAT MOVIE THEATER? AND SO FORTH, AND SO FORTH.......  THE HUNDREDTH QUESTIONS, LIKE MY GIRLS TELL ME............
OH, I DID ASK HER IF ANY OF HER GIRLFRIEND WOULD BE JOIN THEM.  NO......
I ASKED IF SHE COULD.........  SHE SAID THAT HER GUY FRIEND'S DIDN'T LIKE ANY OF HER GIRLFRIENDS.  THEY DON'T GET ALONG. OK........
SO I THINKING, MY BABY GIRL WITH 2 GUY FRIENDS...... HUH.........
I ASKED IF ONE OF HER GUY FRIENDS MOTHER WAS GOING TO TAKE THEM.  SHE WAS HOPING THAT I WOULD BE ABLE TO. WELL, I COULDN'T......
WORK......
OH THAT IS OTHER PROBLEM.......
I AM WORKING PART-TIMERIGHT NOW, CAUSE THEY ARE STILL DEALING WITH ISSUE, URRGGG...  THEY ASKED YESTERDAY IF I DIDN'T MIND LEAVING EARLY BECAUSE IT WAS SLOW.......  I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE... BUT THAT OTHER ISSUE I NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS COMING WEEK.....  WELL, SEE....
BUT BACK TO MY BABY GIRL.......
SO, SHE ASKED, "THE ONLY WAY I COULD GO IS IF I HAVE OTHER FRIEND TO GO WITH US, AND ONE OF MY FRIENDS MOTHER TAKE US?"
YES.......
SO OFF SHE WENT TO MAKE PLANS........
SHE RETURN LATER WITH........
"MOM, IF I COULD GET MY SISTER TO TAKE US, WOULD THAT BE OK?"
I SAID, "YES, BUT SHE HAS TO JOIN YOU."
"OH MOM........",  "SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO SEAT WITH YOU, SHE COULD BE BELOW OR ABOVE YOU.  BUT SHE HAS TO BE THERE."
WELL, OFF AGAIN SHE WENT TO MAKE PLANS. THEN RETURN WITH, "MOM, SHE WILL BE TAKING US ON MONDAY.  THAT IS WHEN SHE IS OFF FROM WORK............"
OH, MY.........  WELL, SEE..........

I KNOW I AM OVERPROTECTED OF THEM. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN.........  IT'S JUST A MOVIE, HUH...........

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME....... 

YESTERDAY, I PICKED UP MY SON FROM DAYCARE..........

AND THIS IS HOW HE LOOKED.........
I HAD TO SIGN A ACCIDENT REPORT.  ON IT WAS, SOMEONE HAD SCRATCHED MY SON, FOR NO REASON..........
I KNOW THAT ACCIDENTS HAPPEN, AND I TRYED NOT TO GET UPSET.  WHICH, I DIDN'T BUT I WANTED TOO...........
AFTER LEAVING THERE, I WHEN TO THE PHARMACIST. TO ASK WHAT I COULD DO......  SO IT WILL NOT SCAR.  HE SAID TO PUT NEOSPORIN AND KEEP IT MOIST. BUT TO HIM HE SAID THAT IT MIGHT STILL SCAR ALITTLE, BUT THAT BOYS WILL BE BOYS.  EVERY BOY HAS A SCAR..........
WELL, I CAN'T SEE HIM LIKE THIS EVERYDAY......
AND I TOOK THE NEOSPORIN TO DAYCARE AND TOLD THEM TO KEEP IT MOIST.  THE LEAST THEY COULD DO NOW.......
WE'LL SEE..........

OH, I TOOK THESE PICTURES, BECAUSE I WANTED TO EMAIL THEM TO MY HUSBAND.......
TO GIVE HIM THE "HEADS UP"  BEFORE HE SEES HIM........  MAYBE THE SHOCK WON'T BE SO BAD LIKE MINE..........
I WAS STILL ONLINE LAST NIGHT, WHEN HE IM ME. ASKING IF HE WAS OK........
TOLD HIM YES, HE HAS JUST BEEN FUSSY....AS YOU CAN TELL FROM THE PICTURES.......
WELL, HE ACTED CONCERN........THEN HE STARTED TALK ABOUT HIS DAY AND JUST CHATTING.  I KEPT IT SIMPLE, LIKE WOW, COOL, ETC, ETC.....  DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO TALK TO HIM. ESPECIALLY, HOW I HAVE BEEN FEELING......  I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO GET INTO A CONVERSATION WITH HIM.
HE MUST HAVE NOTICE, BECAUSE HE SAID HIS GOODBYE AND GOODNITE, SOON AFTER THAT........ BUT HE DID SAY THAT HE MISSED HIS SON AND BABY GIRL.........
I GUESS I AM CHOPPED LIVER.........  WHATEVER.......



WELL, I ALSO POSTED SOME PICTURES OF THE VIEW FROM THE BREAKROOM.......
I FINALLY WENT TO THE BREAKROOM THE OTHER DAY AND WAS SHOCKED. OH MY......THE VIEW.....



OK.....TIME FOR A NEW SONG.......
THIS IS A MORE STRONG SONG.....
WILL KEEP MY SPIRIT UP, I HOPE........
BUT I KNOW I WILL HAVE MY MOMENT, BUT FOR NOW. THIS IS A GOOD SONG TO HEAR.........

THAT WAS YESTERDAY. BY: FOREIGNER.
LOVE THAT CD........


I thought i knew you well
But all this time i could never tell
I let you get away
Haunts me every night and every day

You were the only one
The only friend that i counted on
How could i watch you walk away
I'd give anything to have you here today

But now i stand alone with my pride
And dream that you're still by my side

But that was yesterday
I had the world in my hands
But it's not the end of my world
Just a slight change of plans

That was yesterday
But today life goes on
No more hiding in yesterday
'cause yesterday's gone

Love, my love i gave it all
Thought i saw the light
When i heard you call
Life that we both could share
Has deserted me
Left me in despair

But now i stand alone with my pride
Fighting back the tears i never let myself cry

But that was yesterday
Love was torn from my hands
But it's not the end of my world
Just a little hard to understand

That was yesterday
But today life goes on
You won't find me in yesterday's world
Now yesterday's gone

Goodbye yesterday
Now it's over and done
Still i hope somewhere deep in your heart
Yesterday will live on


WELL, TILL NEXT TIME.....

I AM IN A MOOD.........

I READ IN JENNIFER'S (JOURNAL).  HOW SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH THE LOSS OF HER CLOSEST FRIEND, HER EX.

I AM GOING THROUGH THAT I RIGHT NOW........  I KNOW.......  AND IT'S SO HARD.........
I CRY EVERYTIME I FINISH TALKING TO HIM.  AND MIND YOU, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO AVOID HIM.........
BUT HE STILL FINDS HIS WAYS.........
AND IT INVOLVES THE GIRLS........

I JUST HATE THAT I FEEL LIKE THIS AND ALL I COULD DO IS CRY........ CAN'T I.......... IT'S SO HEAVY........

I KNOW EVERYONE AND MY FRIENDS TELL THAT IT WILL GET BETTER.  BUT AS FOR RIGHT NOW.  ALL I COULD DO IS CRY.......
I THINK FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS. I AM GOING TO FEEL THIS WAY. I AM JUST SO DOWN. AND TRYING TO DEAL WITH EVERYTHING THAT THE DAY BRINGS........

I KNOW LISTENING TO THESE SONGS, DOESN'T HELP FOR MY MOOD..........
BUT IT DOES MAKE ME REALIZE WHAT HAPPEN, AND HOW FOR ME, IT WASN'T WRONG.........
I'M SO MUCH IN MOURNING.......... BUT HE IS STILL LIVING. HOW HE SO CLOSE BUT CAN'T TOUCH.........

        


THE LYRICS FOR

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.
BY: FOREIGNER

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case i need it when i'm older

Now this mountain i must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
I through the clouds i see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if i can face it again
Can't stop now, i've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if i can face it again
I can't stop now, i've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And i wanna feel, i want to feel what love is
And i know, i know you can show me

Let's talk about love
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside
I want you to show me, and i'm feeling so much love
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide
I know you can show me, yeah

I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love
I want you to show me, i wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, i want to feel it too
And i know and i know, i know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...

TILL NEXT TIME.......... 

I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY HUSBAND.....  I GUESS I NEVER WILL.
I WONDER HOW HE TRUELY FEELS.  DOES HE STILL LOVE ME. IN SOME WAYS, I KNOW THAT HE STILL DOES.  BUT WHY DOES HE WANT TO JUST GIVE UP. I KNOW HE HAS HIS REASON.  BUT ARE THERE GOOD REASON, TO SAY, "THIS IS IT."  OR WILL HE, IN COUPLE OF MONTHS, REALIZE THAT IT WAS NOT WHAT HE WANTED.........

DOES HE REALIZE WHAT POSITION HE IS PUTTING ME IN.  HE HAS HURT ME SO DEEP.  I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL EVER TRUST/BELIEVE WHAT HE SAYS........
I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE THAT I WANT TO SHOW HIM, DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I JUST WANT TO EAT HIM UP........ I WANT TO HOLD HIM FOREVER. TO KISS HIM WITH ALL MY LOVE.
ON SUNDAY, WHEN I SAW HIM.  IT TOOK EVERYTHING OUT OF ME, NOT TO JUMP INTO HIM.
I KNEW IF I DID THAT HE WOULD JUST RUN.........
SO I JUST WAIT, BUT WILL HE REALLY REALIZE WHAT HE WANTS AND WHAT HE HAS DONE TO ME......

TILL NEXT TIME....... 
             

WE ARE NOW IN THE NEW OFFICE............

AND LOOK AT MY VIEW...........
I AM SO HAPPY FOR THE BEAUTIFUL VIEW, BUT FIRST DAYS ARE HARD........
WE GET THERE AND OF COURCE, THEY THINK EVERYTHING IS GOING TO RUN SMOOTHLY. BUT NO....... WE HAD A FEW PROBLEM. BUT WERE SOLVE WITH IN THE HALF HOUR. SO IT WASN'T TO BAD.......

I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A BETTER MONDAY THAN I DID.........
WELL, HAVE TO RUN.......BUT BEFORE I GO:


FOREIGNER:  "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU"


I find myself in a strange situation

And i don't know how

What seemed to be an infatuation

Is so different now

I can't get by if we're not together

Ooh can't you see

Girl, i want you now and forever

Close to me

I'm longing for the time

I'm longing for the day

Hoping that you will promise to be mine

And never go away

I don't want to live without you

I don't want to live without you

I could never live without you

Live without your love

I ask myself but there's no explanation

For the way i feel

I know i've reached the right destination

And i know it's real

I'm longing for the time

I'm longing for the day

When i'll be giving you this heart of mine

Believe me when i say

I don't want to live without you

I don't want to live without you

I could never live without you

Live without your love

No i don't want to live without you

I don't want to live without you

I could never live without you

Live without your love

Now i don't want to live without you

I don't want to live without you

I could never be without you

Be without your love

I don't want to live without you

Live without your love

Live without your love

You see i'm lost without your love

Ooh...oh

Without your love







TILL NEXT TIME....... 

PLAYING GAMES...................

JUST A QUICK ENTRY BEFORE I GO TO WORK............

I WAS TALKING ON IM WITH MY HUSBAND THE OTHER DAY. THIS WAS THE DAY AFTER HE TOLD ME I SHOULD MOVE ON.  SO I THOUGHT, O. K., LETS SEE HOW YOU THINK ABOUT ME MOVING ON.............

I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE COP.  BUT JUST THAT HE STOPPED AND TALK TO ME.  BUT AFTERWARDS HE GAVE ME HIS PHONE #.............

HE DID SHOW JEALOUS.  BUT IT END WITH YOU SHOULD CALL HIM AND MOVE ON.

WELL, YESTERDAY, WHEN HE WAS DROPPING OFF THE KIDS. HE CAME IN.  AND HE ALSO HELPED ME WITH MY COMPUTER. BUT............  WHILE SITTING WITH HIM.  HE DID MENTION THE COP. HE ASKED MORE QUESTION.  BUT I WAS VERY VAGUE WITH MY RESPOND.  BUT IT DID SHOW ME THAT HE WAS JEALOUS.  SO NOW WHAT........
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT SHOULD BE MY NEXT MOVE...............

I DON'T USUALLY PLAY GAMES. I AM TRYING TO UPFRONT WITH EVERYTHING.  SO, PLAYING THIS GAME.  HAS ME ON EGGSHELLS..........

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME....... 

OK, I FOUND OUT FROM MY GIRLFRIEND.............

YES, HE IS MARRIED. THE COP.........
AND HE WAS HITTING ON ME.
NO WAY.........  I WILL NOT PLAY WITH A MARRIED MAN. THIS IS HIS 3RD MARRIAGE. SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS SOME PROBLEMS. 
YA... MAYBE HE IS NOT HAPPY IN MARRIAGE, BUT GOING AROUND AND CHEATING IT NOT THE ANSWER.  HE NEEDS TO MAKE SOME CHOICES AND LIVE THEM.
BUT I AM NOT INTERESTED.........

WELL, THE TEST IS OVER............
AND....... I DIDN'T DO SO WELL.........
I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO FINISH MY MATH SECTION.  DID THE READING AND WRITING - ESSAY, PLUS MUTIPLE CHOICE.  OH.... THE ESSAY WAS ON; CENSORSHIP IN THE HIGH SCHOOL.  SHOULD THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR CENSOR THE HIGH SCHOOL NEWPAPERS.
WELL, I HOPE THAT I WILL PASS THE READING AND WRITING.  SO ALL I HAVE TO RETEST IS THE MATH. I AM GLAD THAT IT IS OVER, BUT NOW TO WAIT FOR THE RESULT.......GRRRRRRRR.

I TALK TO MY HUSBAND LAST NIGHT ON IM.
THROUGH CONVERSATION, HE APOLOGIZE FOR BEING MEAN LAST WEEKEND.  HE IS GOING THROUGH SOME HARD TIMES (GUESS AT WORK, HE DIDN'T REALY SAY) AND IT WAS BAD TIMING........
USE TO IT, HE WOULD DO THAT........BUT NO EXCUSE FOR DOING IT. PLUS HE DIDN'T APOLOGIZE FOR TUESDAY. I THINK HE THINKS HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. OH WELL, THIS HAS BEEN OUR PROBLEM.  HE DOESN'T FULL UNDERSTAND WHAT HE DOES TO ME. AND LIKEWISE WITH ME.  I WILL ADMIT, I HAVE PROBLEMS, THAT I AM WORKING ON.  NO ONE IS PERFECT, AND TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK IS WORK. WORKING WITH EACH OTHER. AND REMEMBER THE LOVE. HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT, AND DOESN'T WANT TOO....... SO I GO ON........

I GOT ON THAT BIKE AGAIN...........
AFTER MY TEST, I DROVE AROUND AND TOKE SOME PICTURES.  THEM CAME HOME AND BROUGHT DOWN MY BIKE AND OFF I WENT.  I INCLUDED SOME PICTURES FROM THE SKATE PARK. PLUS OTHERS.....SO, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE PICTURES............

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME...... 

OK, ANDREW HAS ME THINK ABOUT THE PASS.........

WHEN I WAS 19. I REMEMBER NIGHTS WITH MY HUSBAND.  HE IS A BIG BASKETBALL PLAYER. AND THERE WERE NIGHTS THAT WE WATCHED BASKETBALL GAMES, ESPECIALLY IN THE BEGINNING OF OUR MARRIAGE.  I REMEMBER LAYING ON THE SOFA, MY HEAD ON HIS LAP. I WAS NOT INTO BASKETBALL.  BUT I LOVED BEING THERE WITH HIM. I WOULD END UP FALLING ASLEEP ON HIS LAP.  BUT FROM TIME TO TIME I WOULD WAKE UP AND WATCHED. I REMEMBER THAT HE WOULD SOFTLY STROKE MY HAIR, NO WONDER I WOULD FALL ASLEEP.  BUT JUST BEING WITH HIM, MADE ME FEEL SO LOVED.......
THE SPURS WERE ONE OF HIS FAVORITE TEAMS.  AND NOW, THAT THEY ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS.  IT BRINGS ME BACK TO THOSE NIGHTS.........  I MISS THEM.




NOW, THINGS AT WORK ARE GOING MORE SMOOTHLY.  I AM NOW IN MY SECOND DAY ON THE FLOOR WITH NO HELP. ONLY WHEN I ASK FOR HELP, HELP WILL ARRIVE. BUT I AM GETTING THE HANG OF THINGS AND FEELING GOOD.  I AM ABLE TO SURF THE INTERNET, IF WE ARE NOT BUSY OR READ A BOOK OR MAGAZINE.  WHICH, TODAY I TOOK MY "O" MAGAZINE. I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO READ IT. SO I AM GLAD I DID.......
THIS IS THE JUNE ISSUE.  AND THERE ARE SOME GOOD ARTICLES.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS ONE.........
"HOW TO GET THROUGH TO A MAN" BY: W. BRUCE CAMERON.
OK.......
1. "YOU'RE STRONG"
TO COMFORT A MAN, HIGHLIGHT HIS POWER.  IF YOU SAY, "YOU'RE HANDLING THIS WITH SUCH STRENGTH," HE'LL GET THE MESSAGE THAT YOU CARE ABOUT HIS TROUBLES - BUT NOT THAT YOU THINK HE'S A WEAKLING. ADMIRE HIM FOR BEING TOUGH UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES - THAT'S WHAT HE NEEDS TO HEAR.
HE TALKS ABOUT HOW MAN/BOY THINK; "THE STRONGEST BOYS BECOME LEADERS OF THE PLAYGROUND, WHILE THE WEAK ONES ARE FORCED TO TAKE REFUGE INSIDE THE SCHOOL LIBRARY AND GO ON TO MAKE ALL THE MONEY."

2. "LET ME GET YOUR POWER DRILL."
HE TALKS ABOUT ASKING YOUR MAN TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU, AND ASK A THOUSAND TIMES. HE PROMISED HE WOULD. HE SEEMS TO BE GETTING INCREASINGLY FRUSTRATED WITH EACH REMINDER AND ACCUSES YOU OF NAGGING HIM.  BEEN THERE..........
"THE CATCH IS THAT NO MATTER HOW NICELY YOU ASK HIM TO DO SOMETHING, HE'S GOING TO HEAR IT AS AN ORDER- AND SINCE WHEN ARE YOU THE FIVE-STAR GENERAL OF HIM?  REMEMBER, HE IS A FULLY INDEPENDENT ADULT. CAPABLE OF TAKING OF HIMSELF."
THE SOLUTION: HE WRITE THAT HE WANTS TO BE THE FIVE-STAR GENERAL, HE WANTS TO BE IN CHARGE OF SOLVING THE PROBLEM. OFFER TO HELP HIM. MEN LOVE TO SHOW WOMEN THEIR TOOLS. IF STILL NOTHING, THEN GO TO HIM IN DISTRESS. "I TOOK THE SHOWER HEAD OFF, AND THE DRIP IS WORSE." NOW HE'S NOT ONLY THE GENERAL BUT ALSO A WAR HERO, COMING TO YOUR RESCUE.

3. "WANNA DANCE?"
"WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A MAN TO SEDUCE HIM?  FIRST DETERMINE IF HE HAS THAT ONE ELEMENT NECESSARY IN A MAN TO MAKE HIM SEDUCIBLE: A PULSE.(LOL)...... NEXT RECOGNIZE THAT NOTHING YOU EVER SAY WILL BE AS EFFECTIVE AS NUDITY, WHICH MEN FEEL IS APPROPRIATE IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, EVEN AN ORTHODONTIST APPOINTMENT."
HE CLAIMS THAT MEN DO MOST OF THEIR THINKING WITH THEIR "LITTLE BRAIN" INSTEAD OF THEIR "BIG BRAIN," WHICH HE SAYS, MEN DON'T HAVE A "BIG BRAIN." "WE PRETTY MUCH EVALUATE EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS IN THE WORLD, FROM STOCK MARKET FLUCTUATIONS TO SUDDEN CHANGES IN CONTINENTAL DRIFT, ACCORDING TO WHETHER OR NOT IT WILL SOMEHOW LEAD TO US HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.  MOST OF THE TIME WE THINK, YES, IT WILL.  THIS MEANS THAT THE FOLLOWING WORDS CAN BE VERY SEDUCTIVE TO A MAN: MASSAGE OIL, SKIMPY LINGERIE, SEPTIC TANK.  OF COURSE, YOU DON'T WANT TO JUST TURN HIM ON - YOU WANT TO LURE HIM INTO FLIRTATION, TEASING, AND MYSTERY." "THE BEST WAY TO SEDUCE A MAN THE FIRST TIME IS TO LET HIM KNOW YOU'RE INTERESTED - BUT NOT EASY - WITH THE WORD MAYBE. THERE'S ENOUGH YES IN MAYBE TO KEEP A MAN FROM FEELING REJECTED AND ENOUGH NO TO KEEP HIM CHALLENGED.  IF IT'S A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP, THE APPROACH IS DIFFERENT, BUT YOU'LL DO WELL IF YOU STILL THINK OF IT AS A DANCE. GET HIM TO SNUGGLE, KISS, AND PLAY - BUT ONCE YOU ARE THERE, LET HIM TAKE THE LEAD." NOW  "TELLING HIM YOU THINK HE'S SEXY AND YOU WANT TO SIT ON HIS LAP IS FAR MORE EFFECTIVE THAN SAYING YOU WANT TO MAKE LOVE, BECAUSE WHETHER IT'S A DATE OR YOUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY, A MAN LIKES TO THINK IT'S HIS IDEA."

THERE IS MORE BUT I WILL WRITE MORE TOMORROW........
I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT WHAT HAPPEN TO ME.........

OK, THIS WEEKEND MY HUSBAND HAS THE KIDS......
SO, I WENT TO RENT MOVIES AND CAME HOME, BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO POP IN THE MOVIE AND JUST SIT THERE......
SO, I BROUGHT DOWN MY BIKE, AND WENT FOR A RIDE. I TOOK MY CAMERA.  RODE BY THE NEW POOL. (THINKING ABOUT DOING A B-DAY PARTY FOR MY LITTLE MAN, AND I WAS CHECKING IT OUT.) AND ALSO WENT BY THE SKATE PARK, TOOK A COUPLE OF PICS.
WELL, WHILE I WAS TAKING PICTURES. A COP CAME BY.......
WELL, HE STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH ME.  WELL, I TALKED. I THOUGHT, "HE IS HITTING ON ME."  HE ASKED IF I WAS WORKING OUT, AND ASKED FOR MY NAME. AND SO FORTH. YES, HE WAS HITTING ON ME. AS IT WENT FURTHER IN CONVERSATION. I TOLD HIM I WAS SEPARATED AND ABOUT TO BE DIVORCE. AND THEN I ASKED IF HE WAS MARRIED.  HE SAID YES, BUT I DID NOTICE THAT HE  WAS NOT WEARING A RING, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW....
WELL, HE TOLD ME GOOD LUCK WITH THE EVERYTHING. AND HE DID THIS....... I AM SHOCK AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF IT? 
HE GAVE ME HIS PHONE #.....  I BELIEVE IT'S HIS CEL PHONE #. I DIDN'T ASKED WHY, BECAUSE I WAS SHOCKED HE GAVE ME HIS #, AFTER HE TOLD ME HE WAS MARRIED........ HE DID SAY, IF I NEED ANYTHING TO CALL. TELL ME WHAT YOU ALL THINK, CAUSE I AM SHOCKED......  I AM SO BAD AT THIS......

OH, WISH ME LUCK...... TOMORROW IS MY ADMISSION TEST.  IT'S GOING TO BE 5 HOURS LONG, OH MY......... IT WILL BE OVER SOON.......

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME.....