I HAVE BEEN FEELING SO SO.........

IN MY LAST, LAST ENTRY.......
I WAS GETTING INTO THE CONVERSATION THAT I HAD WITH MY HUSBAND.
HE HAD TOOK OUR BABY GIRL SHOPPING AND WHEN HE WAS DROPPING HER OFF. HE ASKED IF HE COULD TALK TO ME........
SO WE TALKED......
HE TOLD ME THAT HE TALK TO HER ABOUT THE OTHER GIRL, BECAUSE I HAD MENTION TO HIM AWHILE BACK.......
THAT SHE TOLD ONE OF HER FRIENDS THAT HER DAD HAD AN AFFAIR. SO HE WANTED TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.
NOW, THEY HAD PLANS FOR SATURDAY TO GO TO THIS WATER PARK THAT HIS COMPANY WAS PUTTING TOGETHER.
HE TOLD HER THAT SHE WOULD BE THERE AND WANTED TO MEET THEM (OUR BABY GIRL AND BABY BOY). SO HE WAS TELLING HER ABOUT HER AND HER KIDS. AND SO ON, AND SO ON........
WELL, SHE TOLD HIM THAT HE SHOULD LET ME KNOW........
BOY, I TOLD HIM. YOUR OWN DAUGHTER IS TELLING YOU HOW TO HANDLE THINGS. AND HOW THEY SHOULD OF BEEN HANDLE. HE SHOULD HAD TOLD ME ABOUT THIS EVEN BEFORE THE KIDS KNEW........
BUT OF COURSE HE NEVER THINKS ABOUT MY FEELINGS..........
HE TURNED IT AROUND, AND SAY.....
BRENDA, YOU SOON WILL BE DATING SOMEONE TOO........
I TOLD HIM........
THE WAY I THINK ABOUT THAT IS......
FIRST, IS THE GUY GOING TO BE A GOOD STEP-FATHER FOR MY KIDS......
THAT IS WHAT I THINK NOW......
NOT LIKE YOU. WHO SNAP(AND I SNAPPED MY FINGERS) JUMP RIGHT IN AND DID THE THINGS YOU DID.........
LIKE YOU HAVE DONE, YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS.......

AND I TOLD HIM.....
THIS IS MY WISHES.... WHICH I KNOW THAT ONCE THE DIVORCE IS OVER AND YOU ARE WITH HER......  I WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER BEING AROUND MY KIDS. BUT AT THIS TIME, I DON'T WANT HER AROUND MY KIDS.  BUT I DON'T THINK YOU WILL KEEP HER AWAY......
BECAUSE YOU HAVE SHOW THAT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY FEELING. SO, IT GOES.....
SO IN THE HOUSE I WENT AND I CLOSE THE DOOR AND THAT WAS IT......


ALSO, ON THURSDAY. HE FOUND OUT ABOUT ME SUING HIM.........
HE CALLED ME AND CALLED ME. HE EMAILED ME AND EMAILED ME AND EMAILED ME AND EMAILED ME AND EMAILED ME......
BUT I DID NOT ANSWER...... I WILL NOT SAY MORE ABOUT THIS TILL THE TIME IS RIGHT.......


I WILL BE RETESTING FOR MY WRITING. SO SAY A PRAYER FOR ME...........
I NEED TO GET A LEVEL 3.........

I AM LIVING DAY BY DAY.  JUST DEALING WITH EVERYTHING DAY BY DAY.......
I AM READING MY BOOK AGAIN,
"THE COURAGE TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER" BY SHEILA ELLISON......
ANY MOTHER WHO IS GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK.
SHE TALKS ABOUT WHEN SHE JOINED A SINGLE MOTHERS GROUP, SOMEONE TELL HER THAT IT WOULD BE 2 YEARS BEFORE SHE FELT A SHIFT TOWARD WHOLENESS..... AND SHE SAYS, THAT WOMEN WAS RIGHT.
SO I WILL LIVE ON........  AND I AM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL ON TOP OF ALL THIS......
OH GOD, PLEASE HELP ME FIND THE STRENGTH..........

I LOVE THIS.......
"COURAGE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A GRAND OR HEROIC FEAT. IT CAN BE A SIMPLE AS SAYING NO. TAKING ON THE PROCESS OF DIVORCE, GETTING UP EACH DAY AND LIVING LIFE IN WHATEVER STATE OF MIND YOU FIND YOURSELF, TAKES COURAGE. LIFE CAN BECOME A SCARY PLACE VERY FAST WHEN ALL THAT YOU'VE HOPED FOR HAS CHANGED. EVERY WOMAN READING THIS BOOK GOT OUT OF BED THIS MORNING AND HAS CHOSEN TO LIVE HER LIFE TODAY - THAT IS COURAGE."

EVERY DAY........ COURAGE..........

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME......
  

BUT THE LYRICS TO......

THAT WAS YESTERDAY. BY: FOREIGNER.
LOVE THAT CD........


I thought i knew you well
But all this time i could never tell
I let you get away
Haunts me every night and every day

You were the only one
The only friend that i counted on
How could i watch you walk away
I'd give anything to have you here today

But now i stand alone with my pride
And dream that you're still by my side

But that was yesterday
I had the world in my hands
But it's not the end of my world
Just a slight change of plans

That was yesterday
But today life goes on
No more hiding in yesterday
'cause yesterday's gone

Love, my love i gave it all
Thought i saw the light
When i heard you call
Life that we both could share
Has deserted me
Left me in despair

But now i stand alone with my pride
Fighting back the tears i never let myself cry

But that was yesterday
Love was torn from my hands
But it's not the end of my world
Just a little hard to understand

That wasyesterday
But today life goes on
You won't find me in yesterday's world
Now yesterday's gone

Goodbye yesterday
Now it's over and done
Still i hope somewhere deep in your heart
Yesterday will live on