LAST NIGHT I RENTED THE MOVIE:
"DAIRY OF A MAD BLACK WOMEN"
BOY, DID I SEE MYSELF........
I AM THAT LADY......
I AM SO MAD, HURT, AND ANGRY.......
BUT I KNOW THAT WILL NOT HELP ME.....
I DON'T WANT TO GIVE THE MOVIE AWAY. BECAUSE IT WAS A GOOOOOD MOVIE.
I THINK EVERY WOMEN SHOULD SEE IT.....
BUT.....
AT THE END, HER MOTHER TALKS TO HER ABOUT "FORGIVENESS" AND HOW YOU [YOURSELF] CAN'T MOVE ON TILL THAT HAPPENS.
THAT IS WHERE I AM STUCK........
I HAVEN'T WROTE THIS HERE, BUT I AM.....
MY HUSBAND HAD AN AFFAIR. THAT IS WHY HE MOVED OUT......
NOW, HE TOLD ME AFTER HE MOVED OUT AND WHEN THEY HAD BROKEN IT OFF. PLUS, HE WANTED TO WORK THINGS OUT.......
THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME, BACK IN FEB. AND WHAT DID I DO.......
TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT......
I GAVE IT THE BEST I COULD, EVEN AFTER I WAS TOLD....... ABOUT 1 MONTH AND 1 WEEK. I ASKED HIM TO MOVE OUT. HIS WAY OF DEAL WITH IT. WAS TO BLAME IT ON ME. TOLD ME THAT I WAS NOT GIVING HIM WHAT HE NEED AND THAT WHY HE WENT TO HER...... BULLS**T...... HIS EXCUSE.....
SO HE MOVED OUT......
WELL, AFTER A COUPLE OF WEEKS. WE STARTED TALKING AGAIN. AND ONCE AGAIN, WE WANTED TO WORK THINGS OUT.....
THEN, ABOUT 2 WEEK INTO IT.......
HE SERVED ME DIVORCE PAPERS.......
SO, HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO FORGIVE......
I KNOW THAT WITH TIME IT WILL GET BETTER, BUT I RIGHT NOW.......
I AM SO MAD.........
THE MOVIE MADE ME REALIZE THAT HE DOES NOT LOVE ME.......
IF HE DID HE WOULD HAVE NOT HURT ME THE WAY HE DID......
I KNOW...... BECAUSE MANY YEARS AGO, I WAS IN THAT BOAT.......
I HAD A CHANGE TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. BUT ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS OF HIM. HOW I LOVE HIM. AND THAT WAS WHAT I NEEDED. I NEEDED HIM....... BUT, OUR MARRIAGE...... HAD PROBLEMS, WHICH I WAS WILLING TO WORK AT IT. I THOUGHT WE WERE.
THEN ALL THIS HAPPENED.......
I KNOW THAT MARRIAGE TAKES WORK, BUT IT HAS TO BE BOTH PARNTERS WORKING AT IT TO MAKE IT BETTER.......
AND HE WAS NOT......
SO I KNOW MY MARRIAGE IS OVER.
AND NOW, I HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH THE ADJUSTMENTS. ESCEPIALLY, ABOUT THE KIDS........ AND LIKE I HAVE SAID, "THIS IS THE HARDEST PART AND IT BREAKS MY HEART INTO MANY MORE PIECES." FIRST BROKEPIECE, MY HUSBAND......
SO HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO FORGIVE......
I AM ALSO A BELIEVER OF "WHAT COMES AROUND, GOES AROUND".........
SO MAYBE THAT WHERE MY FORGIVENESS WILL BE.....
NO, I STILL SOUND MAD......
WELL, SEE....TILL NEXT TIME..... BRIN
Saturday, July 2, 2005
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YEA Brin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm Know how hard this entry was to write but it was a HUGE step toward moving on. You ARE going to make it!
ReplyDeleteJennifer
Brin, WOW. I dont know your hubby but of course he loves you. But who knows in what way he loves you. He has lots of guilt from cheating. He probaly knows there is nothing he can do to fix what he did. I am so sorry for this. In the mood i am in i am ready to just go off on some men!! Someday, you are going to look back & be proud of how strong you really are. Love, lisa
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Brin I am hear to lesten when you need to vent:o) D Hey I see little hearts all around where did you get those:o)
ReplyDeleteBrin, I know how hard things have been for you the past 6 months. Its good to get all this out and talk about it. Keep being strong.
ReplyDeleteEllen
Brin,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you brought it out in the open. J-Landers will help you cope with the emotional upheaval of an extra-marital affair. It is so sad and so devastating, but many of us have been through this and we don't know exactly how you feel because you are you and I'm me, but we know that you feel like you've been punched in the stomach when it first happens, but pain helps get your mind off him. He cheated on you. Remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. You are right about love, if he had feelings for you he wouldn't have hurt you so badly! You have so much in your life that is good and I hope you can really focus on that.
Love and prayers,
Cyndy
PS ~ Come over and see my entry about my doggies. It'd be good for you to look at puppies and smile for awhile! They are so cute! It makes you go AWWWWW . . . I'm thinking of you, Brin.
http://journals.aol.com/cyndygee/TheRealWorldofcyndygee