WOW............

WHAT A DAY.......
I HAD A LONG ONE. BUT IT WAS EVENTFULL.... 
IT STARTED WITH RAIN. BUT THEN THE SUN CAME OUT TO SHINE.
I MET A NICE LADY, AND WE HAVE THE SAME CLASSES FOR MWF. SHE IS SWEET AND SMART. JUST SOMEONE TO KEEP ME ON MY TOES.....  SHE HAS GIVEN ME SOME POINTER ABOUT THE PROFESSORS. BUT SHE IS SO SWEET......

AND THE BOOKS, OH MY........
ONE BOOK COST $101.25 NEW, BECAUSE THEY RAN OUT OF USED ONES.......  I COULDN'T HELP IT..... MONEY...... THE GOOD NEWS ABOUT THAT IS THAT I WILL NEED THE SAME BOOK FOR OTHER CLASS......

BUT ALL IN ALL, I HAD WONDERFUL DAY......
TOMORROW WILL BE OTHER CLASS FOR ME. SO, WILL SEE HOW THAT TURNS OUT........

I HAVE A SMILE ON MY FACE. I FEEL SO GLAD I AM DOING THIS. I JUST WONDER ABOUT THE WORK.
ONE OF MY CLASS, THE PROFESSOR HAS LAID OUT EVERYTHING. SHE IS SO PERPARED. AND THE FINAL EXAM WILL BE A PORTFOLIO. WHICH WE WILL BE WORKING ON THROUGH THE SEMESTER. SO AS LONG AS I KEEP UP WITH IT. AND AT THE END, CHECK TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS TOGETHER. MY FINAL WILL BE DONE....


BOY..... THIS IS SOMETHING.......
HOMEWORK......
WHICH, I HAVE TO GO AND READ......
SO, LATER........
 

NEW SONG: 
JUST SOMETHING FOR ME.......
"I COULD USE A FRESH BEGINNING TOO."
"I'M LIVING AGAIN, AWAKE AND ALIVE."
THIS IS JUST FOR ME.....
HOW MUCH I'VE LEARN ABOUT MYSELF.
"I'M DYING TO BREATHE IN THESE ABUNDANT SKIES" OH, YAA.......
PLUS THE 3,000 MARK........


SWITCHFOOT LYRICS

"Learning To Breathe"

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

So this is the way I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way

                                        TOMORROW IS THE 1ST DAY..........

                       I WILL STEP INTO A FUTURE FOR ME.
                       SCHOOL STARTS FOR ME....
                       I AM SO NERVES AND EXCITED......
                       I HAVE SO MUCH HIGH HOPES FOR ME. AND I
                       WONDER IF THEY ARE TO BIG.....

                       MY NERVES, I KNOW......
                       THERE HAS NOT BEEN A CHALLENGE THAT I WILL
                       NOT FACE...
                       SO THIS ONE IS NO DIFFERENT.
                       JUST LIKE MY DIVORCE...
                       I HAVE LEARN TO GO WITH THE FLOW OF THINGS.
                       AND ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT I CAN NOT CHANGE
                       AND THE THINGS I CAN......



                       BUT I AM SO EXCITED.....
                       I DO LIKE SCHOOL, LEARNING, THE CHALLENGE.
                   IN HIGH SCHOOL I DOUBT MYSELF SO MUCH.
                   BECAUSE OF THINGS. MY LAST YEAR IN SCHOOL
                    (SENIOR YEAR), I MEET MY HUSBAND AND
                    HE GAVE ME SO MUCH ENCOURAGEMENT. WITH THAT,
                     I BROUGHT MY GRADE POINT AVERAGE 
                     TO A B+.

                     I KNEW I HAD IT IN ME. BUT WITH HIM ON MY SIDE.
                     I DID IT.....
                     BUT NOW, I AM BY MYSELF.
                     AND DOING THIS FOR MYSELF.......
                     SCARY BUT I KNOW BETTER NOW.......

                      I WANT TO DO THIS......
                      I WANT TO FEEL HOW THIS IS........
                      THE TOUGH TIMES AND THE GOOD TIMES......
                      II'S GOING TO BE REAL....



                      WELL, TILL TOMORROW.....
                      I WILL POST......

                       

YESTERDAY NIGHT WAS THE FIRST FOOTBALL GAME FOR THE SEASON.............

AND YES, WE WON..........

AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN..... BUT MY HUSBAND WAS THERE. AND AFTER THE HALF TIME BAND SHOW. WHICH, MY GIRLS DID WONDERFUL....... AND MY BABY GIRL DID GREAT........

MY HUSBAND CAME OVER TO WHERE I WAS.......
YOU SEE, DURING THE GAME IF THE TEAM MAKES A TOUCHDOWN. THE CHEERLEADERS THROW SMALL PLASTIC FOOTBALL TO THE STANDS. FOR THE FANS TO CATCH. WELL..... MY HUSBAND CAUGHT ONE AND WANTED TO GIVE IT TO OUR SON......
SO I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO VISIT WITH HIS SON. HE SAID YES, AND THERE WAS ROOM WHERE HE WAS AT FOR HIM. I TOLD HIM HE COULD SIT IN FRONT OF US. THAT NO ONE WAS SITTING THERE. SO HE SAT THERE AND VISITED WITH HIS SON........

I DIDN'T REALIZES HOW HARD THAT WAS, TILL AFTER HE WAS SITTING THERE........

ALL THE FEELINGS CAME BACK. BUT WITH THE ANGER THAT I HAVE FOR HIM........
THIS IS SO COMPLICATED......

BUT ALL IN ALL......
WE (MY SON AND I) HAD A WONDERFUL TIME......  LOVED IT.........

CAN'T WAIT TILL THE NEXT HOME GAME..........

TILL NEXT TIME........
 

I HAVE BEEN HAVING BAD DAYS.........

I HOPE TODAY WILL BE BETTER. I CAN'T THINK AT WORK. THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON. AND WAITING ON THINGS THAT I JUST DON'T GET ANSWER TO. SCHOOL START ON MONDAY. STILL HAVEN'T PURCHASE MY BOOKS BECAUSE I AM WAITING ON SOME MONEY....... PLUS TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER EVERY WEEK, IS STARTING TO GET TO ME. I FEEL LIKE I AM ON NERVES........

I JUST NEED TO BREATHE.........

ONE THING AT A TIME. BUT I FEEL BAD WHEN THINGS JUST GO SO WRONG.

OH, YESTERDAY.........

I SAW HER...... THE MISTRESS........

I WAS AT THE GROCERY STORE. AND WHO PASS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME........ HER......

SHE WALKS BY LIKE NO SHAME.........

I JUST STARED AT HER FROM HEAD TO TOE........ 

ONE OF MY FRIENDS WAS THERE TO SHOPPING. WHICH SHE HAD BEEN WANTING TO SEE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. SO I SHOWED HER WHO SHE WAS. WHEN SHE PASSED BY US AGAIN........

MY FRIEND TOLD ME SHE LOOKS OLD. AND TOLD HER THAT SHE IS A LITTLE YOUNGER THAN ME.......

BUT I KNEW ONE DAYT I WOULD SEE HER LIKE THAT.....

JUST SHOPPING AND PASSING........

OH WELL......

TILL NEXT TIME..... HAVE TO GO TO WORK........

 

I'VE BEEN WONDERING............

WILL THERE BE SOMEONE THAT WILL CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS, MY THOUGHTS, TO CARE ABOUT HOW MY DAY WAS???????

I DO FEEL ALONE.........
I HAVE WONDERFUL FRIENDS AND ARE HERE FOR ME. I AM GRATEFUL FOR THEM. I THANK GOD FOR THEIR FRIENDSHIP (WHAT BLESSINGS!!!!)........

I KNOW THAT THERE WILL BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR ME........
BUT WHAT I WONDER IS IF I WILL BE ABLE TO LET MYSELF OR WHAT I MEAN GIVE MYSELF. WILL I BE ABLE TO TRUST SOMEONE ELSE WITH MY HEART.......

I KNOW THAT I WILL, I GUESS. BUT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND. I WILL ALWAYS HAVE: WHERE IS HE AT? WHAT IS HE DOING? WHO IS HE TALKING TO? IS HE FLIRTING WITH SOMEONE? JUST SO MANY QUESTIONS, THAT I FEEL LIKE. I RATHER BE ALONE. WHAT A MESS I AM IN!!!  THE PAIN IS SO MUCH. I KNOW THAT WITH TIME IT WILL GET BETTER.........

I BELIEVE THAT GOD PUTS YOU IN THE RIGHT PLACE IN THE RIGHT TIME. THAT THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. THAT LOVE WILL WALK IN AT THE RIGHT TIME. I WILL KNOW IT. I JUST NEED TO KEEP MY EYES, EARS AND HEART OPEN.........

TILL NEXT TIME.........
 

THE WEEKEND..........

MY BABY GIRL DIDN'T WANT TO VISIT WITH HER DAD.THIS PASS WEEK WAS THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL. SHE HAD BEEN GOING TO PRACTICE FOR MARCHING BAND (2 WEEKS EARLIER). BUT THIS WEEK WAS HIGH SCHOOL (STARTING FRESHMAN), HOMEWORK AND MARCHING BAND. THEN THE MESS WITH HER SISTER. SO, SHE WAS TRIED. SO SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GO OVER. PLUS I THINK SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE AROUND HER SISTER........
SO, DAD DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. WHEN HE DROPPED OFF HIS SON LAST NIGHT. (BECAUSE HE SLEEPS IN HIS BED EVERYNIGHT, NOT A DAD'S) HE TELLS HIS SON, BUT WITH ME THERE TO HEAR. TO TALK TO HER SISTER TO COME VISIT HIM TOMORROW. BUT I DO KNOW HE MISSES HER. JUST LIKE I MISS MY OLDEST.......
THEY JUST NEED SOME TIME TO THEMSELVES.......

BUT THE WEEKEND IS OK.......I WORKED YESTERDAY. AND TOKE CARE OF SOMETHINGS. BUT THE DAY WAS GOOD.
I HOPE TODAY WILL STAY THAT WAY.....

TILL NEXT TIME.......

I CAN HOME TO MY BABY GIRL CRYING HER EYES OUT..........

IT BROKE MY HEART TO SEE HER LIKE THIS. SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH...... AND STILL........

SHE HAD AN ARGUMENT WITH HER SISTER.
WHAT HER SISTER DID IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHAT SHE IS LIKE. AND WHY I WAS ALWAYS ON HER.
REMEMBER THAT MY BABY GIRL IS A FRESHMAN. FIRST YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL. DEALING WITH MARCHING BAND (STATE YEAR COMPETITIION). AND HER PARENTS GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE.

YOU SEE..........
THE HIGH SCHOOL HERE IS ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. AFTER SCHOOL MY BABY GIRL WANTED TO GO OVER TO THE JUNIOR HIGH TO SAY HELLO TO HER JUNIOR HIGH FRIENDS. ASK HER SISTER IF SHE COULD PICK HER UP AT THE JUNIOR HIGH AFTER SHE WAS DONE FROM HER BAND TEST. MY OLDEST PICKS UP HER SISTER EVERY MORNING TO TAKE HER TO SCHOOL AND EVERY AFTERNOON TO BRING HER HOME.
WELL, SHE TOLD HER NO, IF SHE WANTED A RIDE HOME SHE HAD TO BE BACK AT THE HIGH SCHOOL BY 4 PM. SO, SHE RUSHED TO THE JUNIOR HIGH AND SAID HELLO AND RUSHED BACK BY 4 PM TO MEET HER.
WHEN SHE RETURNED BACK, SHE HADN'T EVEN GOTTEN READY FOR HER TEST. WELL, THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT IN FRONT OF EVERY ONE IN THE BAND HALL.
SO SHE WAITED FOR HER TO FINISH AND THEY LEFT. BUT HAD ANOTHER ARGUMENT THE RIDE HOME.

SHE TOLD ME THAT THEY ARE STUDENTS. WHO ARE TALKING BAD ABOUT MY OLDEST. AND SHE STICKS UP FOR HER SISTER. BUT THEM TREATS HER THEY WAY SHE DID.

SHE WAS SO UPSET. I CRIED WITH HER. I TOLD HER HOW SORRY THAT SHE WAS GOING THROUGH THIS. THAT HER SISTER IS BE UGLY. AND SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.

MY OLDEST ALSO TALKED TO MY HUSBAND ABOUT NOT WANTING TO PICK UP HER SISTER FOR SCHOOL AND TO BRING HER HOME. MY HUSBAND TOLD HER SHE NEEDED TO BE THERE FOR HER SISTER. BUT SHE IS JUST REBELING. TYPICAL TEENAGER.......
THIS IS HOW SHE IS HANDLING THINGS. BOTH OF THEM GOING THROUGH SO MUCH. BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO TAKE IT OUT ON HER SISTER. SHE SHOULD BE THERE FOR HER. BE THE OLDER SISTER THAT SHE NEEDS.

MY OLDEST IS UPSET WITH HER SISTER BECAUSE SHE TOLD HER DAD THAT SHE IS PUTTING HER IN THE MIDDLE. ABOUT MY OLDEST AND ME. SHE KEPT TELL MY BABY GIRL HOW SHE IS UPSET WITH ME, ALONG WITH OTHER THINGS. BUT IF YOU REMEMBER OR I DON'T REMEMBER IF I WROTE ABOUT THIS.

BUT MY BABY GIRL HAD TOLD HER DAD THAT SHE WAS TRIED OF BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF MY HUSBAND AND ME PLUS MY OLDEST AND ME.

LIKE I SAID SHE IS GOING THROUGH SO MUCH........
EVERYDAY IT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.......
WHY CAN'T IT BE SO NORMAL.....

SAY A PRAYER FOR US. THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

TILL NEXT TIME.........

 

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AT 4 AM AND I AM STILL AWAKE.......

I AM TRIED BUT MY MIND IS GOING AND GOING......

MY DAYS ARE SO FULL. THINGS ARE SO MUCH.......

WAITING IS SO HARD....... I AM WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT SOME APPLICATIONS........ 

OH WELL, I AM GOING TO TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP......TO WAKE UP TO OTHER DAY......

TILL NEXT TIME.....

 

 

I RECEIVED THIS EMAIL. I WANTED TO SHARE IT HERE...........

 

3 THINGS IN LIFE!  

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -
   Time
   Words
   Opportunity


   Three things in life that may never be lost -
   Peace
   Hope
   Honesty


   Three things in life that are most valuable -
   Love
   Self-confidence
   Friends


   Three things in life that are never certain -
   Dreams
   Success
   Fortune


   Three things that make a man -
   Hard work
   Sincerity
   Commitment


   Three things in life that can destroy a man -
   Addictions
   Pride
   Anger


   Three things that are truly constant -
   Father
   Son
   Holy Ghost

   I ask the Lord to bless you,    as I pray for you today;
   to guide you and protect you,    as you go along your way.
   His love is always with you,    His promises are true.
   And when you give Him all your cares,    you know He'll see you through.

   Pass this along to People you want God to Bless -    I just did!

I AM UPSET, ONCE AGAIN.......

BEFORE I GET INTO WHAT HAPPEN YESTERDAY. I WILL EXPLAIN SOMETHINGS.

MY HUSBAND'S MISTRESS IS MARRIED TOO......
SHE IS GETTING A DIVORCE AND SHE ACCUSED HER HUSBAND OF MOLESTING THERE 3 YEAR OLD CHILD.
LAST WEEKEND, MY HUSBAND WAS DROPPING OFF MY SON AND MENTION THAT HER HUSBAND WAS IN TOWN. TO BE CAREFUL...... I BELIEVE THAT IS WHY MY DAUGHTER MEET MY HUSBAND'S MISTRESS.
BECAUSE SHE FEARED TO BE ALONE. SO SHE WAS OVER AT MY HUSBAND'S APARTMENT. BUT MY DAUGHTER WAS THERE. AND I BELIEVE MY HUSBAND DIDN'T CARE ABOUT MY REQUESTED.

THE ONE THING I HAVE ASKED FROM MY HUSBAND. AND WROTE ABOUT IT, IN ONE OF MY ENTRY. WAS TO KEEP HER AWAY FROM THE KIDS TILL THE DIVORCE IS OVER.
BUT I DID EMAIL HIM A COUPLE DAYS AGO TOO. THAT I FEARED THE KIDS WERE IN DANGER WITH HIM, ESPECIAL AFTER LAST WEEKEND. IF SHE FEARS HER HUSBAND.....
THEN MABYE MY KIDS ARE IN DANGER WITH HIM.
BUT I DID TELL HIM THAT HE WOULD PROTECT HIS KIDS, BUT I STILL FEARED. THAT IF SHE WAS AROUND THEM. MAYBE THEY WERE IS IN DANGER.......

WELL, BEING THAT HE IS NOT SEEING THE KIDS IN THE WEEKDAYS. WE MADE ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE WEEKENDS.
THIS WAS MY WEEKENDS AND WE MADE PLANS FOR HIM TO BE WITH THE KIDS FROM NOON TO 2.
WELL, MY BABY GIRL CAME HOME AND THE CONVERSATION TURN TO WHAT THEY DID.

SHE TOLD ME THAT THEY WENT TO MY HUSBAND'S MISTRESS DAUGHTER BIRTHDAY PARTY.
OH MY.........

SO I WENT TO HIS PLACE AND TOLD HIM.....
THE ONE SIMPLE REQUEST I ASK AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT FOR ME.....
I LEFT THERE TELLING HIM THAT MAYBE I SHOULD RETHINK ABOUT THE VISITATION.....

MY BABY GIRL IS OLD ENOUGH TO DECIDE WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO. BUT I DO FEAR THE DANGER SHE WILL BE, BEING AROUND HER.....
MY SON IS TO LITTLE TO MAKE THAT DECISION. AND I CAN'T TRUST MY HUSBAND TO VISIT WITH MY KIDS ALONE (WITHOUT HER THERE)......

SO, WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK??????

TILL NEXT TIME......
 

NEW SONG.......
BEEN PLAYING THIS SONG ALOT LATELY.....
THE WORDS:
"HALLOW AND ALONE, AND THE FAULT IS MY OWN, AND THE FAULT IS MY OWN."

"I WILL NEVER KNOW MYSELF UNTIL I DO THIS ON MY OWN,
I WILL NEVER FEEL ANYTHING ELSE, UNTIL MY WOUNDS ARE HEALED
I WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING TILL I BREAK AWAY FROM ME
I WILL BREAK AWAY, I'LL FIND MYSELF TODAY."

"I WANNA LET GO OF THE PAIN I'VE HELD SO LONG"

LINKIN PARK LYRICS

"Somewhere I Belong"

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Repeat Chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

[Repeat Chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

 

THANK GOD........ I AM SO HAPPY FOR FRIDAY.
BUT IT FEELS LIKE THE WEEKS ARE MOVING SO FAST........

THIS SONG MAKES ME THINK OF MY KIDS.......
I MISS MY OLDEST SO MUCH.......
MY BABY GIRL IS SMILING......
SHE IS ENJOYING MARCHING BAND. HANGING AROUND WITH THE GROUP. SHE IS HAVING FUN......
THAT PUTS A SMILE ON MY FACE.

SPEAKING OF SMILING.......
MY BABY BOY IS 3 NOW.......
WELL, WE ARE TRYING TO POTTY TRAIN. WHICH, WITH EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON, IT'S DIFFICULT.........
ON TUESDAY, IT WAS HIS FIRST DAY THAT HE WENT TO DAYCARE IN HIS THOMAS THE TRAIN UNDERWEAR......  SO CUTE.....
I TOOK PICTURE. BUT I WILL NOT POST HERE.....
HE LOOKS LIKE A MODEL, WITH THAT SMILE OF HIS....... SO CUTE.......
WELL, THE POTTY TRAINING IS NOT GOING TO WELL.  THE PASS 3 DAYS, I HAVE BEEN COMING HOME WITH WET CLOTHES........
BUT I KNOW IT WILL TAKE TIME........
NOW, YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST DAY THAT HE TOLD ME HE NEEDED TO GO POO POO........
HE TELL ME:

SON: MOM, POO POO.....

ME: OK, LET'S GO.... (WE WERE  IN THE LIVING ROOM)
SO WE ARE RUNNING TO THE BATHROOM. AND I AM FALLING HIM.....
HE IS HOLDING ON TO HIS BUT WHILE RUNNING TO THE BATHROOM........ LOL.......

WE GET THERE AND I PULLED DOWN HIS SHORT AND UNDERWEAR. SAT HIM DOWN. AND THEN.......
HE STARTS SINGING........ TOO CUTE.......
SO I AM WAITING THERE AND HIM SINGING.......
2 MINUTES PASS AND NOTHING.......

SO I GET HIM DRESS AND GO BACK TO LIVING ROOM........ WATCH TV......
THEN CAME TIME TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP. ASKED HIM IF HE NEEDED TO GO TO BATHROOM.... NO.....

WELL, THIS MORNING, I WENT INTO HIS ROOM TO GET HIM READY FOR THE DAY. AND HE IS STAND IN HIS BED WITH THIS LOOK IN HIS EYES....
I TELL HIM GOOD MORNING, AND HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING. I ASK HIM IF HE IS OK......
AND HE JUST LOOKS AT ME......
I FINALLY NOTICES THAT HE WAS POOING.......

SO, I GUESS WE KEEP WORKING ON THIS..........

TILL NEXT TIME.....

 

 

PUDDLE OF MUDD

"Blurry"

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
there's noone left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

[Chorus]

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to runaway

[Chorus]

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

BOY..... IF ONLY THERE WAS A VACCINE........

LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER.......

WORKING IN THE TECHNICAL DEPARTMENT CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE....... HELL........

WELL, I AM OFF TO BED......

HOPING FOR SOME NICE DREAMS.....

TILL NEXT TIME.........

 

 

WELL........

THIS WEEKEND, MY HUSBAND TOLD ME THAT HE IS GOING TO PAY FOR THE CABLE AND INTERNET. HE WANT TO KEEP IT FOR MY BABY GIRL. WHICH I TOLD HIM.
YES, HER LIFESTYLE SHOULD STAY THE SAME.
BUT.........
I DID TELL HIM THIS.....
WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AFTER THE DIVORCE. ARE YOU STILL GOING TO PAY FOR IT?  IF NOT, AND I AM NOT ABLE TO KEEP IT. THEN WE ARE BACK AGAIN TO WHERE WE WERE OR ARE........
HE COULDN'T ANSWER ME, BUT WE WILL SEE.......

ALSO, THE OTHER NIGHT, HE EMAILED ME. AND WE WERE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH THE EMAILS. BUT THE LAST EMAIL HE SENT ME. I READ INTO IT, THAT HE NEEDED TO TALK TO SOMEONE. SO I CALLED HIM......
I MADE IT CLEAR TO HIM THAT I WOULD BE THERE FOR HIM. BUT THERE WERE SOMETHINGS THAT I WOULD NOT TALK ABOUT.
SO, HE TALKED. HE TOLD ABOUT WORK AND OTHER STUFF. HE ALSO TOLD ME ABOUT MY OLDEST. SHE IS ACTING SO SELFISH.......
BUT I KNEW SHE COULD........
AND NOW, HE SEE WHAT I DEALT WITH. OR ATLEAST I HOPE HE SEES........
SHE COULD BE A HANDFUL.......
BUT IT WAS HARD TO TALK TO HIM. TO HEAR HIM. AFTER EVERYTHING. BUT WE WERE MARRIED FOR 17 YEARS.......
AND HE IS THE FATHER OF MY KIDS. SO, I NEED TO KEEP SOME KIND OF COMMUNICATIONS.  BUT IT IS HARD......
HE STILL DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH.......
OR SEES THE NEW ME....... BECAUSE YES, I HAVE CHANGED. BUT IN SOMEWAYS I AM STILL ME......

WELL, I NEED TO GET SOME SLEEP. I HAVE NOT BEEN SLEEPING WELL.

TILL NEXT TIME........
 

TRAPT

"Headstrong"

Circling your, circling your, circling your head,
Contemplating everything you ever said
Now I see the truth, I got doubt
A different motive in your eyes and now I’m out
See you later
I see your fantasy, You want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, Inside of our heads (yeah)
Well now that’s over
I see your motives inside, decisions to hide

[Chorus:]
Back off I’ll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we’re Headstrong
Back off I’ll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong
I can’t give everything away
I won’t give everything away

[Verse 2:]
Conclusions manifest, your first impressions got to be your very best
I see you’re full of $#!T, and that’s alright
That’s how you play, I guess you’ll get through every night
Well now that’s over
I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads (yeah) Well now that’s over
I see your motives inside, decisions to hide

[Chorus]

[Verse 3:]
I know, I know all about [x3]
I know, I know all about your motives inside, and your decision to hide

[Chorus]

I BEEN WANTING TO WRITE THIS........

I WENT TO THE MOVIE AND ALSO RENTED THIS MOVIE.......

"THE UPSIDE OF ANGER"


THIS WAS A VERY GOOD MOVIE.........
IT EXPLAINS ANGER SO WELL.......

WHEN I RENTED THE MOVIE. I WROTE THESE WORDS DOWN.

"ANGER AND RESENTMENT CAN STOP YOU IN YOUR TRACKS. THAT'S WHAT I KNOW NOW. IT NEEDS NOTHING TO BURN THAN THE AIR AND THE LIFE THAT SWALLOWS AND SMOTHERS.
IT'S REAL THOUGHT. THE THEORY. EVEN WHEN IT ISN'T.
IT CAN CHANGE YOU, TURN YOU, MOLD YOU AND SHAPE YOU INTO SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT.
THE ONLY UPSIDE TO ANGER;
IT'S THE PERSON YOU BECOME.
HOPEFULLY, SOMEONE THAT WAKES UP ONE DAY AND REALIZES THAT THERE NOT AFRAID OF IT'S JOURNEY.
SOMEONE THAT KNOWS THE TRUE IS AT BEST A PARTIAL TOLD STORY.
THAT ANGER LIKE GROWTH COMES IN SPARSE AND FITS IN IT'S WAKE.
LEADS TO A NEW CHANGE AT ACCEPTANCES AND THE PROMISE OF CALM."


GOING THROUGH DIVORCE (MY JOURNEY) HAS MADE ME REALIZE ABOUT ANGER.
I STILL GET ANGRY BUT LIKE THE WORDS.
A NEW CHANGE AT ACCEPTANCE AND THE PROMISE OF CALM.......

THAT CALM IS WHAT I LOOK FORWARD TO.
EVERYDAY, SOMETHING IS GOING ON OR SOMETHING UPSET ME.
AND MY ANGER IS WHAT I REALIZE NOW.......
I LOOK BACK IN MY LIFE NOW. I NEVER REALLY HANDLE MY ANGER. BUT THIS PASS MONTHS, I HAVE LEARN SO MUCH........
I AM PROUD OF THE PERSON I AM NOW. I CAN'T CHANGE THE PASS. AND I NOT SAYING I WAS TOTALLY MEAN. BUT MY ANGER DID SOMETIMES GET THE BEST OF ME........
IT DOES CHANGE YOU, TURN YOU, MOLD YOU AND SHAPE YOU INTO A PERSON YOU ARE NOT.........
THE UPSIDE; THE PERSON YOU BECOME......
AND THAT IS SO TRUE......
THE PERSON YOU BECOME........
YOU HAVE THE CHOICE OF WHAT THAT WILL BE.........
I KNOW........
I GUESS THAT IS WHERE MY STRENGTH IS NOW......  DECIDING........

WELL, TILL NEXT TIME.....
 

WELL, SUNDAY EVENING WAS SAD......

MY BABY GIRL CAME HOME FROM DAD'S SAYING.......
SHE MEET HER; HIS B****...... YOU KNOW WHO.......
I ASKED HER WHAT SHE THOUGHT, AND SHE SAID SHE WAS NICE.....
THEY (MY HUSBAND AND HER) TAUGHT HER HOW TO PLAY SOME CARD GAMES......
SHE ASKED ME IF I WAS OK.....
I JUST TOLD HER THAT THE DIVORCE PAPER ARE NOT DONE AND I WISH THAT SHE WAS NOT AROUND YOU ALL....
BUT DOES HE CARE, NO.......
WELL, I CALLED HIM TO LET HIM KNOW THAT I KNEW AND WAS PISSED.....
BUT I KNOW HE DOESN'T CARE.......

SO, LIVE ON FOR MORE DAYS......
GOT TO GO AND GET SOME SLEEP.....

TILL NEXT TIME.....
 

THINGS HAVE BEEN OK.........

I AM DEALING WITH THINGS AND NOT LETTING THEM AFFECT ME. BUT THERE ARE THINGS THAT I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH......
OH WELL.......
I AM LIVING.......

I LOVE THIS SONG......
IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO GET UP AND DANCE.......
SO EVERYONE, DANCE.......


BETTER NOW BY

Yeah-yeah
Oh, I'm newly calibrated
Yeah-yeah
Oh, shiny and clean
Yeah-yeah
I'm your recent adaptation
Yeah-yeah
Time to redifine me

Let the word out
I've got to get out
Whoa, I'm feeling better now
Break the news out
I've got to get out
Whoa, I'm feeling better now

Yeah-yeah
I'm happy as Christmas
Yeah-yeah
All wrapped to be seen
Yeah-yeah
I'm your recent acquisition
Yeah-yeah
Time to celebrate me

Let the word out
I've got to get out
Whoa, I'm feeling better now
Break the news out
I've got to get out
Whoa, I'm feeling better

The world's done shakin'
The world's done shakin'
The world's done shakin' me down

The world's done shakin'
The world's done shakin'
The world's done shakin' me down

Let the word out
I've got to get out
Whoa, I'm feeling better now
Break the news out
I've got to get out
Whoa, I'm feeling better now


Let the word out
I've got to get out
Whoa, I'm feeling better now
Break the news out
I've got to get out
Whoa, I'm feeling better now

The world's done shakin' (repeat 9 times)

TILL NEXT TIME........

 

THINGS HAVE BEEN SO.................

SO.......
MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN DOING THINGS. THAT I AM JUST SPEECHLESS.......
ON MY BIRTHDAY, HE WAS AT THIS STORE (BECAUSE OF WORK), BUT WHAT HE DID.....
HE TALKED TO MY FRIEND, WHICH SHE WORKS THERE. AND JUST LET HER HAVE IT.......
HE KEPT TELL HER ABOUT THIS AND THAT. AND HOW I WAS NOT HANDLING THINGS RIGHT. AND HOW HE WAS GOING TO DO THIS AND THAT. HE JUST WENT ON AND ON......

MY FRIEND AND I HAD PLAN FOR A DINNER AND TO CELEBRATE.......
AND SHE WAS LOSE FOR WORDS, FOR WHAT HE DID........
I WAS SO APOLOGETIC FOR WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH.......
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.......
BUT WHAT HE DID WAS TRY TO GET TO HER TO GET TO ME........
WHAT AN A$$........
GOES TO MY FRIEND TO GET TO ME......

I WAS SO SORRY SHE WENT THROUGH THAT......
BUT HE IS.........

OH WELL......
SHE JUST LAUGHED UP.......
AND WE HAD SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.......

BUT MY NIGHT WITH MY FRIENDS WAS GREAT.......
MY OTHER FRIEND THELMA CAME OVER TOO....
IT WAS SO NICE.....
WE EAT AND HAD WINE.......
MY FRIST WINE WITH DINNER.......
WHITE MERLOT. IT WAS VERY NICE.......

ALSO, WHEN I CAME HOME FROM WORK. MY BABY GIRL HAD MADE ME HOMEMADE CAKE. WELL, STORE BOUGHT BOX CAKE.......
BUT IT WAS WONDERFUL........
SHE USED HER ONLY MONEY AND SHE MADE IT HERSELF.......
IT WAS SO WONDERFUL........
MY BABY GIRL........

WELL, I AM TRYED AND I HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW......
YES, ON A SATURDAY........
BUT I WILL CATCH UP ON MY JOURNAL ALERTS TOMORROW NIGHT OR MAYBE AT WORK. IF IT IS NOT TO BUSY.......

TILL NEXT TIME.....
 
THANKS LISA JO.......
FOR ALL MY NEW TAGS..........
LOVE THEM.......

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY........

I HAVE THAT SONG ON MY MIND.....
TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY..... AND I FORGOT THE REST.......
ANYWAY......

I AM 36........ 

I HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE.......

BUT I WENT TO THE CABLE COMPANY TO PUT THE ORDER TO TURN OFF THE CABLE AND INTERNET.
GOOD NEWS......
THEY WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TURN IT OFF TILL THE 15TH, BUT THEY DID STOP THE BILL AS OF THE DAY I WALKED IN......
SO, A LITTLE GIFT FOR ME, HUH.......
AND AS FOR MY HUSBAND, HE STILL BEING THE SAME.....
BUT I AM HANGING IN.......

I JUST HOPE TODAY WILL BE GOOD......
I NEED SOME GOOD TIMES.........

SO TILL NEXT TIME.......
 



A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO LISA JO

FOR MY NEW TAG...........