I had a dream....................

Yes, It was about my ex. He had come home from a long day at work. He had eaten and was tried, so he fell asleep. I made sure the girls were aware that their dad was sleeping and to be quite. We went to the living to watch T.V. He was asleep for about 2 hours when his cell phone rang. He answered it then he came to the living room and said that he needed to go back to work. Something happened and he needed to take care of it. In my dream, I felt that sunken feeling of disappointed and wanting him but he was leaving. Then I felt that I was being selfish, but it was creeping up. He could tell that I was not happy with him leaving. He said, "What?"  I told him. You eat and sleep and off you go from a phone call. What about us. He said, "I will be back soon just go on with what you were doing."

That feeling was so real.......
I remember it so well........
That is when I was accused that I was so selfish. I remember it so well and from a dream. How strange........
I did not really know how to explain it to him because he would make me feel like I was selfish.  He would turn it around and say what about me being tried. What about me working so hard. I do not want to go back to work, but I have too.  Come on Brenda.....

I could see now how things were. I was alone.  He had left us along time ago.......
I was the one to take care of the kids and he worked and worked. But then he had his play dates. He would play basketball on Tuesday and Thursday plus Saturdays and sometimes Sunday. When I started to play Tennis. The girls were old enough to be alone, so he was not watching young ones, but he did not like it.  He would accuses me of wanting to play tennis because of the instructors. That they were hitting on me. He worked with a guy, and his wife would play tennis at the same country club, and he would tell him story of what happens at the club. So he would turn it around on me......
In looking back even though I do not want to remember. (I am still making excuse for him because that how he would say, "What about me?" like it was my fault.)  I would vacation with the girls alone. It would always make excuse for not going.....  In everything...... It was like pulling a tooth to get him to do something with us.
There was time that I would check to see if he was at where he said he would be.  But he would turn that around. He made me feel like I was crazy. 
He never really understood why I felt the way I did.......

This pass week when we argued. He turn it around. He said, "Brenda, You wanted the primary care of the kids, so you take care of it. Read your divorce decree, Brenda."
So that gives him the right to choose when he wants to be with his kids........
When it is convenience with him......

Am I been selfish?  Am I wrong? I know I could be lenient because of the kids, but then I have to adjust. I think I have adjusted enough for him. I know that he will not do it for me. Being that he is saying "Read your divorce decree."

But I am handle things for myself.  I have my worries and they are mine.  But I do not want to start into those.......
I will leave it; they will work themselves out. I pray.......

           

This is the last week of school.........
I am so ready; I can not believe how fast 3 months passed........

 

I like this picture........
They are so cute; are they not??????

Well, I better go......
Till next time.......