Well, FINALS are over....................

And I made it. I will not hear about my grades until Dec. 14th. Well the last day for Professor to input grades is De. 15th, so I will be checking on them.
I believe I did good, but I can not tell. At time I feel that way and I failed. And then there are times that I am right.........

But I am still dealing with the Wednesday night issue......
I am so stress that I have so many things running around in my head. I am glad that finals are over because I do not have to worry about them. Now I could focus on the others. But I hate how I lost it. And in Front of "You know Who."  Having him around at the appointment (my son's procedure) brought so many feeling.......did not help me....
I know he wanted to be there, but I could not deal with it........

That evening I asked him for help (money because of my situation) that turn out ugly........
He said some awful things and saw how he twists things around so much.........
He had the nerve to tell me that maybe we should go back into court so he could take the kids because I could not take care of them.......
I told him that I was handling everything the way I had planned.........  What threw me for a loop was losing the job. If it was not for that I would be fine.......

He even had the nerve to bring up the date.........
He told me I was making out on the first date with my dream guy.......He turned it around....... so I turned it around.....
What about you.....  He had an affair during our marriage and was together with her and I.........  What a jerk.....
I am always the bad person...... "NOT"........
He kept turning things around..... and I was there arguing with him.......
I know that in my heart I still love him (strange, huh....) but I know in my head it will not work........
There is to much.......

Yesterday, I talked with my baby girl about the holiday visitation coming up.......
She does not want to be all week with dad. She wants to come back on Sunday night then go back on Wednesday. Then come back on Christmas day. Well, Thursday is her Birthday. I asked if we were going to get together on her Birthday. She said she did not want to be going back and forth...... So I will not be spending time with her on her Birthday....... I am disappointed..... But she is old enough to decide what she wants to do, and If that is not spending her Birthday with me. That is her choice......
In the past, We were spend the kids Birthday going out on the day of their Birthday..... So this year has been different.....  Understandable because of the divorce, but I am hurt about it...... 

Job searching has not been good...... I did not hear from an employer yesterday. So I felt like S**T ....... 
I token a PM tablet last night, so I could sleep. I been feeling so tried, but I have not been sleeping well.....  That helped and lately it seems that is the only way I could get a good night rest.....
Oh God, Please help me find a job.........  I need a job.... I keep getting those doors shut in my face......
It is so difficult for a women to find good work........  That is why I need my degree. I think....

Well, enough of me.........
Till next time.......