I have gone private........
I had a talk with my baby girl. She basically had a problem with; staying out late, drinking, and asking her to babysit the little one....
she put it that she is not allowed to stay out late then I should not. She does not even go out to parties, why should the mother go out. I should not be drink because it is not good for you. What example am I showing her.
Well, I told her that I will not ask her to sit for the little one anymore. And I am a grow up who can stay out late, She is a young teenager. She has gone to party, but she chose not to go to all of them. Her chose.....
As for the drinking, I told her that I only drink 2 drinks. I know my limit and I will not put myself in danger....
I have kids that need me and I want to be here for my kids....... Plus it not illegal to drink, I am able to drink because I am older than 21.
She then said that she had to decide where she wanted to live.... (Dads doing...He planted the seed.) She wants to live with both of us. But she understood that can not happen. She was frustrated with make a decision.... She was in tears... I told her that she needs to accept the situation and make a decision.... That how it is....
We are divorce and she can not have both.... I told her that she needs to see someone because she is have a hard time with all this.... She is not talking to anyone and she needs to.... She admitted that she does not want to talk to anyone... but I told her she needs to talk. Everyone is worry about her and she needs to get it out.....
But she would not listen she ran to her room....
Then she called dad.....
That when I became upset....
She runs to dad when things are bad. Here I am trying to get her to talk to me... Plus I believe this is her game....
When she wants dad. She calls and he comes running.....
I told dad to wait at the door. and I told her.... NO, this is not how it will go... Go back and forth, back and forth......You need to make a decision of what you want to do... So, She said she wanted to live with dad....
So I told her to pack her bags for the week. And this weekend she will move her things to dad apartment.....
I will not play this game.....
She needs to accept that she is a divorce kids. and She can not have it like it was.....
You see.... She has been living this way for about 1 year already.... Now, that I am active dating..... She is acting this way.....
Why is it so hard for single mothers......
The dad has a girlfriend, No problems there. They like her..... They do things like a family... On goes his life....
Now, When the mother goes out.......
The kids are upside down about everything.....
We worry about them.... and try to keep it from them....
I was talk to my boss and she has a friend who has been divorce for about 5 years... My boss received an email from her explain how she had a bo over at night. When she thought that her kids were asleep. Well, the kids walked in the living room and saw her.... She was worried about the kids.... The mother in us, but we are still human. We have needs and wants.... My boss told me that our kids see us like a nun's life......
Little do they know, huh......
Well, I am tried I am going to bed.....
Till next time.......
Tuesday, January 3, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
thanks for keeping me in your life sorry about your daughter
ReplyDeleteDeb
About 10 years after my father died my mom started to date.
ReplyDeleteI HATED it. I was so upset. So was my little brother.
I don't know why but I guess I thought she was to have NO life.
Once I realized that I was being selfish I let it go.
But it always BOTHERED me.
That's just kids.
Sorry:(
Huggs n love-
Niki
Kids! I sure wish they could just talk about what is really bothering them and not just act out, but that s what it is to be a kid. She probably feels closer to you than her father so when he has a girlfriend its much easier to accept than when mom actually goes on with her own life. I like how you pointed out that you are 21 and its ok for you to drink. I use the same reasoning with my kids... if you are not legally able to do it then you can't do it here either and i will not condone such behavior. (I have 4 kids: youngest one turns 8 this month...oldest is 20) Smoking... nope, drinking... nope... Gives them a while to mature and be old enough to handle the question of IF they should have a drink, etc...
ReplyDeleteLife is hard especially when you are a teen, it's that fine line between being a child and blossoming into an adult and they mirror what adults do in order to feel grown-up... even though they are not quite old enough to do some of the things they are mirroring. I have a deal with my 2 oldest ones. I only ask then to watch the 2 little ones (babysit) if it is something related to family, trips to doctor or ER, grocery shopping (the quick errands like for mild or bread), work etc... but if it's for something social like dinner with dh, out to see a band or something then they are asked if they WANT to babysit, and they are also PAID. It works for us and lets them be siblings and not babysitters. I want them to grow up feeling a sense of familial duty and bonding through it and not taken advantage of. SO far they like it and they are free to always choose 'no' as an answer to babysitting.
I hope everything works out with you and yours, Lord knows parenting is never an easy job.
Lisa
Brin, I am so sorry about all this. i know how this is hurting you.
ReplyDeleteBe strong.
Ellen
Brin, right now your kids dont feel like life is stable. Do NOT feel that this is YOUR fault. It is a part of life. She is going to have to learn in her OWN way that she cant control your life and your actions. You are a good, loving, sober mother who has every right to go out and find a male friend or more. If she wants to play games i would tell her there is no coming back. If she moves, she stays there. If someone doesnt take control and be forceful and honest with her she is going to play you all as long as possible. It may take till shes an adult but someday she will see your ex for the RAT he is.
ReplyDeleteLOVE YOU, lj
Divorce is hard on children no matter how old they are, as you are finding out. You were right to have your daughter pack up though and go live with her father. You nipped it right there and basically told her that you will not play that game of Momm/Daddy who is better. She will come around in her own time, it does take a bit though. And, I don't know WHY women who have children have to be monks but yet men can have 10 different girlfriends in 2 months and no one cares. Sigh. It is this way with almost EVERY divorced couple with children, you aren't alone.
ReplyDeleteHugs and love,
Lisa
I don't know what to say. I remember not wanting my mother to date either. My father left my mother when I was 9 and dated a 19 year old girl. I am sitting here trying to remember why I had such an issue with my mother dating, I mean this went on until I was 14. Then I went to sleep away camp and my mother meet a guy while I was away for a month to this day they are still married and he has a more positive influance on my life then my father ever did or will. I guess all I can say is she is confused, maybe counseling will be best for her. She seems very sensitive (like I was). Mom is mom we are expected to be super woman. Hopfully it will get easier. I remember staying up at night waiting for my mother to get home and greeting her and her date at the front door. Mind you my mother had not said anything about me to the date because basically it is not the dates business!!! I find it funny now. I really wish I could tell you why your daughter feels this way, I can say that she will see when she is older the big picture.
ReplyDeleteDaniella
You opened up the line of communication with your daughter and that is good. Now you know how she feels, and you are able to address her issues. I agree, that she needs to talk to an objective third party to sort out her feelings, whether she wants to or not...you are the parent and know what is best for her. Kudos to you for not allowing her to "run" your life. You have a right to socialize with friends, and still be a good mom! Good luck!
ReplyDeletexoxo ~Myra
oh crap...hummmm is that the crap that I have to look forward after my divorce? everyone deserves companionship and a shot of happiness.
ReplyDeletehave a great week.
Andrew D.E.
Brin... it is soooo hard! Wow! You are doing good learning how to deal with it all...
ReplyDeleteI believe your daughter has issues with you going out because your ex does... She is also afraid someone else may take you away from them... but she is also playing the back and forth game... You and your ex have got to make a set of rules and back each other up or the ones who will lose in all this is your kids! That my friend is the bottom line!
Hugs with Love Kendra
Yes, you are right, it IS hard for single mothers. Very. But the fact is, you are a mother first.
ReplyDeleteYou are a mother above being a single woman, you are a mother above being of legal drinking age, and you are a mother above being an adult able to stay out late.
Being a Mom needs to be your priority. Period. You shouldn't go out and leave your child home to babysit. If it upsets her that you're out drinking, don't go when she's with you.
One reason why its a little easier to accept Dad dating, is because the kids don't live with him and have to 'see' it happen. They don't know on a nightly basis that he's out partying and they don't worry until the moment he gets home. Out of sight, out of mind, in this case.
Which, although unfair, means you should do the same. You should schedule your going out times and dates to fall on weekends when you don't have the kids. They shouldn't be exposed to this new life you have - Mom, the single woman.
Only when you meet a man special enough for you to think he might stay in your life, should your kids know about it.
I know it's not easy, but you need to put your kids first.
~D