I bought this CD last night.................

I love this song; it claims me...........
His voice sounds so beautiful.  I was reading the insert that comes with the CD. Tim McGraw writes, "As we searched for names for this record, we wanted something that had meaning to us - the way these songs have meant something to us.  What you hear here is an image of the past reflecting back the shape of what's to come - toward what will be."
This statement I love.......  he said,
"Where we've been helps us define where we'll go."

This CD is named "Reflected."

This weekend, I did some shopping for the apartment.  I found some good deals.  I know I need to take pictures of my apartment and post them on here.  I am just not ready.  I have a few more things to purchase, and I promise I will take pictures and post them.  But I found this frame print with a quote that has me reflecting......

The quote:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."
By: K.W. Emerson

I love it.......  I am feeling so alive.  I could feel how time is moving.  How one step leads to the other.  How one goal is worked on, and then the next step accomplishing the goal.  How watching the sunsets comes the sun raise.  How myself living life makes a differences to someone and to myself.
How life moves.........

What every comes to my life, what every happens to me, what every I do in life........
How I deal with it, is a reflection of me.........

Looking back helps to LOOK forward and to realize ME......


Till next time.......
  

I have to share this one:

Lessons of Life
 
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in
summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.

The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they
had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season,
and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come  from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring,
the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.


Moral lessons:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one season. Presevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

Till next time........

 

Well, I have my car in the shop again..................

You see......
Last weekend I had a friend of mine, who is a mechanic, look and fix my car. Well it was working but once I drove it to Portland for work and back to Corpus for home, the car would turn off. But I would let it sit for a while and it would work again.  It happen on Monday and Tuesday both time with D.J. in the car.  On Tuesday, It scared me because it happen on busy street and with D.J. in the car.  I told myself that was it.....

With the test and my car acting up plus trying to finish project for school, which I am still doing and getting rides because I do not want to rent a car AGAIN.......  I am feeling so stressed.......  I could feel it; my face is iching.........nerves. 
I have never experience this, but I have heard of it.......
I could feel how tense I am...... 
I wish I had time for exercising but I have none.....
So I turn to the next thing....  I am bad......
I had a margarita........  just one with dinner, which helped.......

But my friend did not do a good job on fixing my car.  He did not put the car back together correctly is what basically is happening...... 
So trying to save some money is costing me money.....

At this point, I do not care.  I just need my car to be fix and working correctly.  I have a little one to think about and myself.  I need to finish school and get to work.......
LIFE......

Anyway, I am glad the test is over.  It was on Family Law, Wills, Trust and Probate, plus Real and Personal Property.  Which I have dealt with some on the issue in life, so I felt good about this test.  I just hope my grade show it....  I will know on Friday.  We will get our grades on that day.  I found out yesterday that my last class date is next Wednesday, but I will not have finals till the following week on the 8th, 9th and 10th.
Next week.... oh my and I need to finish my Memorandum.  If you are looking for me this weekend; I will be living at the law library. I am not kidding........
Research is hell......  Maybe it is because this is my first time, plus our professor wants us to do it the old fashion way, the books.  In advance legal research, we will be able to do the work online; West law, etc.....
Oh what fun..... Daniella.  Just kidding, I am having some fun, but I wish I had more time.  I did have all semester for this, but I could not get to it.  With my other 2 classes demanding work, I am feeling very stretched........

It is about to be 3 a.m., I can not sleep. But I am going to try to do some work.  Maybe that will put me to sleep.

Well, till next time......

   

Well, I talked to the Ex today.......

I received an invoice from the doctor a while back.  Well, today I had time to go to their office to talk to them about it.  Why the insurance did not pay for it.  Well, they said that I was terminated as of 12/31/04.  I told them why, my divorce was on Nov. 2005, that bill should have been paid.  She said to get with the insurance. Well, I called the Ex because I had already cut up the old insurance cards being that I was no longer insured with my Ex's insurance. I did not need the card.  So I called the Ex to see if he had their phone number or what to do.

Well, he said he would go by the doctor's office, so they could take the information off his card.  But he started to talk about Brenda Lee.  He is on her to get new job.  I told him I know that she had called me last week.  He said about what.  I told him about you being on her case to get new job and her grade and so forth...... He said, "She wants to move in with you? That is fine, you can have them.  They both acting up."  I could hear him come thought the phone......

I told him 'No.'  She did not mention that.  He said that they are not help around the apartment and making a mess.  He is on them.  I told him I know; been there, done that.  I know how the girls can be.  But I could feel the tension on him.

He also told me that they token the child support again for 2 children.  They have not change the figures.  I told him, I knew.  I just talk to my lawyer's assistant about mistake that were on the modification.  He said yes he saw the mistakes and mention them to his lawyer.  But the signatures are there and will be taken care of soon.  But he did ask if I would give him the different for the child support.  He is really hurting for money.......  I told him I would give him a check.  He has not asked for the pass ones, but the modify has it for April, so that is why I am helping him, plus I am not mean to not help......  like he was to me.......

Anyway, he is dealing with things....... in his way. 
Well see if he could do better than I did.  Maybe the girls will realize things too......

I am doing good.  I still have not heard from Weldon, but I am glad because I see that he was not the one for me.  I have a test tomorrow, and I am start to feel stress.  Next week will be the last week and then finals the following week.  So I am feeling stress.  I still need to finish the memorandum.  Well I should say our team needs to finish the memo........  We will be getting together tomorrow and this weekend.  I will be getting comfortable at the law library this weekend......

I will have 2 weeks off them summer I session will start.
Time is flying.......  Someone make it slow down........
PLEASE........  Oh well.........

Well, time to go.........
Till next time.......
   

Weldon never called................

I did call him on Friday to tell him I felt bad.  He could not talk, so I told him will talk later.  Well I called him that night, and he did not answer.  He did not called all weekend.  So It is over between us.........

I could not get him off my mind all weekend.........
I went to visit my mother on Friday night.  Saturday morning, DJ and I had haircut appointment, and the afternoon, I went to the school library.  While Thelma's daughter babysat DJ. And the evening, I went out to eat with Thelma and Amy.  Sabrina or Brenda Lee did not come over this weekend.  So I kept busy.  This morning I colored and highlighted my hair. Then I token DJ to the park and the book store.  The book store has a cafe, so I had a cafe mocha...  I have been wanting one for so long, so yummy......

But I try to keep busy to keep my mind off of Weldon......  Which I didn't.......
But it did give me time to think about everything. 
I will not stand to be treated this way. 
So the way I see it; It is his loss........
But I am noticing how all the men I have been dating are........

not worth it.......
What am I doing wrong.......

I think I will hold off on dating......
at least for a while.......

Well, I need to get to bed....
Till next time.....
   

I am so hurt by Weldon.....

Along with dealing with the EX on Wednesday, I need to mention what happen with Weldon.

When my car broke down.  I called Weldon being he is a cop.  He would know wrecker company's.  Well, He only knew Portland area, not for the Corpus area.  So he knew my car broke down.  The whole night passed and the next morning not till 10:30 am, he calls me.  I was so upset........

He asked how I was doing.  Did I get my car towed?  I told him yes, but I was not able to rent a car and had to walk home.  He told me he was Sorry.  I told him that I token care of it.  He could tell I was upset and hurt.  He said that he could not talk; he was a work, but he would call me later tonight.

Well, he called me last night again.  He started off by asking how I was doing.  I told him still trying to take care of things.  He could tell that I was still upset.  So I told him that I was very hurt by him.  I was not going to make any excuses for him.  He disrespect me.  I told him even a friend would have not treated me the way he did.  A friend would call to make sure I made it home and was all right, even if it was late.  He kept says he knows and that he was sorry.  I told him how I was giving our relationship some time to see if thing were going to develop; (a month ago).  I knew he had issues just like everyone.  I have issues and deal with them everyday.  He said yes we had this talk about a month ago.  I said yes I have given it some time, and this was a learn lesson.  He hurt me by not calling me.  I told him that he does not see how I like him, the degree I have for him is more than the degree of how he likes me.  And that explain why he treats me the way he does.  So Wednesday was the last time, the last time I was going to get hurt by him treating me that way.

It is so sad because I really like him.  I keep try to figure out what it is.  It was just being with him.  How we talked.  How he would treat me when WE WERE together.  He is a nice guy, but when he is living his life.  He does not include me or that's how I see it.  He is busy with work and his girls plus everything else.  Which I understand.  I told him; I still have my life, school and my kids, but I still make the time for him.  To call him or spend time with him.  I felt like he really did not want to make the time for me, but then there were some times that I felt like he made time for me.  He made me feel special at times.

Why is this so hard........  relationships..........

I really like Weldon.  I know I do not want to be treat like that.  I do deserve better.  I am just sorry he could not do it.  He is a good guy then why did he treat me that way.  Men.....

He told me that he did not want to hurt me.  I told him that he does not understand how that is not in his control.  I choice how I feel about him as he choices on how he feels about me.  And the degrees are different.  I see that.  I gave it time to see if anything would happen. Well, it happen, for him to treat me like that was hurtful.  He said he knew and was sorry.  I told him that sorry does not help.  What you did shows how you feel towards me.

OH and the reason why he did not call me.

He was at his daughter's basketball practice.

Tell me: Am I being to hard?

Till next time......
 

What a day I had yesterday...................

My car broke down..... that started it.

Then I was trying to rent a car when their policy became an issue.  Since I did not have a major credit card, and just a debit credit card.  They needed 2 forms of utility bills with my address, plus 2 ref's and my employer ref.  All this was going on at 5:45 and I need to pick up DJ at 6 from day care.  So I call my Ex to see if he was able to pick up DJ.  He does not answer.  I called also my friend Thelma, but she was not in Corpus.  So I call again the Ex, and he still does not answer.

Since I did not have the 2 forms of bills, I had the Enterprise guy drop me off at the day care, and I asked if he could schedule to pick me up in the morning.  Everything else was going to have to wait.  Which he did.

Also DJ and I had to walk back to our apartment though a busy intersection at 6 pm. I live next door to the day care, so it would not be a long walk for DJ.  What worry me was the traffic.  I did not have any one else I could call.  I need to make friend with my neighbors.  I need friends in Corpus.  Well, I do.  In the morning while I was walking DJ to school.  I realize that I could of call my friend Melinda.  She lives in Corpus.

Well this was a learned lesson.....  I know that my Ex is still a jerk, and I know who to call when I have an ER.....

Well, the Ex calls me as we are walking.  I told him what was going on and not to worry that I am taking care of it. Told him that we are walking.  He did not care.....

After we were home, I started to think about everything.  That is when I became pissed me off.  I called my EX, and I told him what if DJ was seriously hurt, and he does not answer his phone.  What then....  He said he would be there for his son.  Yea, after everything was done........   Well, though the night he and I would call each other to tell each other off.  What a jerk.....

He said some mean things, and he found a way to blame me again......  He assumes to much....
He told me that I should buy a new car with the money I made with the house. He also said how I just gave the girls only $500 each, and I made so much with the house.  Plus I sold everything else in the house that he worked so hard to get. He went on and on.......

He does not know how, or what I did with the money.  He does not need to know that it none of his business, yet he wants to tell me how to handle the money......
What a big time jerk.....  I see how this is his way of trying to get into my business, and I am letting it get to me.....  He also blames me for putting him in financial debit. 

From the beginning, I told him that he could have anything from the house.  In the decree, he listed what was to be split which I asked him if he was sure he wanted to do that.  I gave him; his time to say what he wanted, yet he wants to blame me for doing this and that......

There is so much I need to do.......

My first goal is to finish school, and I will.   I have my plan of how I am to handle my situation.  Which I know is not his business, but deep down I want to yell at him.  How stupid are you?  That is it.....  He is an idot!  I am not....

I just need to stick with my plan, and let go of his words.  In the end, I will be ok....  He will not......

He has control of his life.  Instead of blaming me, he needs to learn how to deal with it.

Thanks for listening.......
Till next time.....

   

It  has been a week since I have posted an entry..............

I have been busy............
I made a 'C' on my test, but I have been making A's and B's on my other projects. So the C should not hurt me.  School will be over in less than 3 weeks, but I am registering for the Summer I session.  I will be taking 2 class and it will be over on July 7th.  So I will be able to enjoy 1/2 a summer.  I want to take a trip during that time. I am thinking of visiting my grandma and pa up north of Texas.

I am almost finish with my apartment.  I am so picky.....
but then I am having fun...... 
I getting things a little at a time instead of getting everything at once.  I am able to appreciate what I brought and how it looks in my apartment.

OK, now I talk about my school and my apartment. Now to my kids.  DJ is adjusting. He has not had another episode which I am so glad.  The girls though are there.  I did talk to my Ex about our baby girl, Sabrina.  We both are worry about her, and I suggested to him that she should see someone.  He agreed, and I asked him to talk to her.  Well, Friday being that is was Good Friday.  No school for the girls and no day care for DJ.  I asked for one of the girls to help baby sit with DJ, so I could go to school.  Sabrina did help, and I token off on Friday from work, so I token Sabrina and DJ to the movies.  We watched Ice Age 2 and The Wild.  But that gave me time with Sabrina.  I did get a chance to talk to her about our conversation (my EX and I) about her.  I told her that I was worry about her and wanted her to have a good life.  She still had us to talk too, but I thought that she should talk to someone else.  I asked her to think about it.  She did not have to decide at that moment, but I know that she will not want to do this.  I did tell the Ex that I had talk to her about this and for him to talk to her later about it.
As for Brenda Lee, she is going on.  I have not received an pictures of her from The Prom, so I wonder if I will get any.  She also quit her job.  But she has not come around to stay at my apartment, maybe now that she has quit her job.  She has more time.....
Yesterday, I did see the girls and they said hello.  My Ex had called me to let me know that a letter from my credit card company arrived at his apartment.  Well, be that it had my name, which Brenda Lee assume it was for her.  She opened it.  The letter had my Ex's address and my name, so that is why Brenda open it.  This was one letter that I wish she would have not opened.

You see with the money from my house I cleared up my credit card account.  I paid it off.  So they were sending me a confirmation letter that I paid off the account.  I gave them my new address: my apartment address.  Well, this letter had my EX apartment address. How they got that info I wonder.  I will be calling the CC company and asking questions because I am pissed that my Ex and Brenda Lee found out how much I paid to clear my CC account.  MY BUSINESS......  UGH.....  I hate this.....

OK I have more to write but I will write later......
Till next time.......
  

I brought this cd from World Market...............

Called WORLD GROOVE II from Madrid to Rio, Various Artist.  Well, I love this song....

I know a lot of people will not understand the words, and I not good in translating.... 
So if anyone could help me, Please do.....

I just know that it is a beautiful song......
It has beautiful words....... and a nice beat to dance.
Is everyone dancing!!!!!

Well, I need to go and study.  Tomorrow Test #2......
Till next time.....
   

 I am sunburn..............

This weekend; Portland, where I use to live. They had a festival.  I took DJ on Sunday, so he could ride the rides, plus there was going to be a band that my friend, Melinda wanted to hear.  So I met up with her that afternoon.  Well, On Saturday I took DJ to my nephews birthday party.  Funtrackers: They had go carts.  So I took DJ for a ride.  Well, I did not realize that I was going so fast that I scared him.  He did not want to get on the go carts anymore, and He did not want to get on the rides at the festival...
Except later that afternoon, He did want to get on the fun house.  Well, I was seeing Weldon off and on.  He was working while I was there.  Off and on, he would talk to me, and He gave me kisses.  He kissed me in front of everyone.....  Later that night, he was over at my place.  He received a call. He told the person on the phone that he was over at his girlfriend.  He called me his girlfriend..... 

You see last Monday I had a serious talk with Weldon.  I basically told him that I needed more from him.  I could tell that he was holding back, and I wonder why. 
He did not know why; he said he understood if I wanted to break things off with him.  I told him that is not what I wanted.  I wanted him to know how I was feeling and that I wanted more from him.  I understood about his work and his children.  But I wanted him to know this was how I was feeling.  He broke and opened up to me.  He finally told me how he was married a second time.  He did not want to make that mistake again. I asked if he still was in contact with her.  He said no, for all he knew she could be in Japan......  They did not have children, but it was a couple of years back.  So he is over it but does not want to make the mistake again.....
I told him I understood so much...  I did not want to get married; I want a relationship.  Someone I could share my time, my moments, my happy time and my sad time.....
Someone who wants the same thing too.....
We connected.  I am glad I talked to him how I was feeling..... 

I was smiling that he was kissing me at the festival.  I am sounding like a high school girl talking about her boyfriend...... 
What I was getting to was that when DJ got on the ride; the fun house. I spoke to Weldon that he wanted to get on but was nerves for DJ.  He told me to let him on. I told him that if he fell down; I would have to go after him. He tell me, 'So'...... So I gave in plus my friend's son was going to watch him.....  Well, we were watching him when I notice that Weldon was passing by.  Weldon stopped to watch DJ too.....  He was smiling at him.  DJ handled himself well in the fun house.  He was not scared.  He went slow when he needed too, but I was glad to see that Weldon token the time to check out DJ.....  He does like my son, and he cares for him....  I am glad....  but I am still worried that if thinks do not work out for us.  How will affect DJ?  Even if we date for months..... How will it affect him?
This is one obstacle: why we can not see each so much.  Because I do not want DJ around us?  Our talk last week, Weldon had mention that too.....
He is worried about it too.....

This is my dating life now......
Worrying about my son or his kids......

Well, I need to go and study.  I have a Test on Wednesday....
Say a prayer for me; I do not feel like I am ready for this test.....
Till next time......
  

I had another wonderful evening......

Brenda Lee called me to go shopping for her shoes and jewelry, etc, etc......

We even had time to go do our nails.......
It was nice to be pampered.......
I will have to take some pictures of my nails and post them.  I had a French manicure and two nails have painted flowers on them; very pretty.......

I called my friend, Lynn, she is my hairdresser.  To schedule a hairdo for Brenda Lee on Saturday.  She will get her hair done at 4:30.  Just prefect....... 
We did also found a hair clip to add to her hair. 
She is going to look so beautiful.....
I can not wait.....

As for school.....

I will be having another test on Wednesday, so this weekend I will try to study as much I can.  I will have the kids this weekend, but I will try to fit some time....... I am so looking forward to summer.  I do have plans to take 2 class in the summer 1 semester, but I will have summer 2 off.....   Which means July 8th will be the end of summer 1 semester and Fall semester will start on August 28th, so I will have a break for the summer and still put in 2 class.  Or I hope; the class might not make.....
Each class has to have so many people register to have the class; if not, the college will cancel the class..... 
Suck because them you have to take the class another time.....
So I hope that my class will make.......
Did I mention that I received a letter from the college.  They were informing me that I have made the Dean's list......
Is that not GREAT.........
I am trying to keep up with my grades this semester, so I could make the Dean's list again......
I am doing great in school.  I am feeling very proud of myself...... Very proud of myself.......

Well, I better get back to work.......
Till next time.....
  

This cd was released today..................

I had to get it because of this song.......
"What hurts the most"
It really explains how I feel and what I am still longing for.........

            

I had a wonderful evening.............
I spent it with my oldest.....
Brenda Lee.....
She called me yesterday to ask me if I would like to go with her to shop for a prom dress.  Of course, I said 'Yes.'  It was so nice........
She looked so beautiful in the dresses.  Prom will be this Saturday, and she needs to pick out her shoes, and she will need to get her hair and nails done......
But I was so happy she included me in this shopping spree......  It was a start........

As for everything else: it is going; Life moves on..... HUH.....

Well, I need some sleep.  With this time change, my schedule has not changed.  So early to bed for me.....
Till next time......
   

My son is doing better...............

He did cry today at school when I was dropping him off, but he was smiling and laughing when I picked him up.....
So I think he is adjusting.......
He did have this weekend to be with dad so that helped.  He spent time with him.......

As for me, I am going with the flow.....
I kept busy this weekend. I am still trying to finish with the apartment.  But I am picky with things.....
I did find a comforter set for my bed.... 
and I have been looking for one for about 2 weeks......
So yes, I am picky.......
I am still trying to finish shopping as soon as I do I will take picture and post them.......

I am feeling really lonely......
I will not get into details, but I am ashame of how I been acting......
I know I have to deal with this....
But I just hate that I am sleeping alone......
I do not have someone to hold me.  To love me......

I know with time things get better, but I hate this....
I still blame myself for a lot of things, and I should not. But the bottom line is that I want 'Mr. Right'......
I am a good person; I have a good head on my shoulders.
I have so much to give; why can I not find that person to share it with.......

Enough of this, I need some sleep......
Till next time....