AAAAHHHHHHH...........

AAAAHHHHHHH..........

I am just screaming, and I should do it to my ex.

Every since this thing has happen; standing in the room at CPS.  He has been telling me; how am I going to get DJ to daycare.  You know how hard it was for me in July with him.

And now, last night he called me to tell me that Sabrina came down with a rash, bad rash.  He asked if I knew if she was allergic to anything.  I told him about shrimp, but Brenda Lee said that she is allergic to shrimp.  I knew it was one of them, but then I thought it might be nerves.  Well, he took her to the doctor today.  I had called the CPS about seeing my son without my ex or someone else.  He said that if David would agree with someone else that would be ok.  So I called him to tell him this when he was at the Dr.  with Sabrina, and he start in it again.  How he had to take time off from work to get Sabrina to the Dr. and get DJ to the dentist.  I told him; been there, done that.  But he agree to have Thelma there for the supervise visitation, so I need to get with her to schedule something for this weekend.

On top of all this; I have been with Justin.  Which I am so happy I have him here.  He is my angel.  I really thought that hearing about this.  He would freak and run the other direction, but he has been by my side.  In fact, I think it has brought us closer, strange, huh...  So happy to be with him...........

He told me today that he talked to his mother about me.  Yep, his mother.......
But what I fear about in the beginning is the same thing his mother fears for him.  About having his own kids, plus she wants grand babies from her son.  I told him I understood what his mother is saying.  She told him to break it off with me before it gets to much.
How hard that is, especially after this weekend.  We feel so good together, so right, but one thing that comes to surface.  I knew it, but I can't help what I feeling for him.  I am one to give love a chance, even if it means getting hurt because that is what life can be.  Good and Bad.........  I want to live life to the fullness.  I don't want to be afraid.  I want to risk, take chances, be all that I can be. And with Justin, I am.

But I am giving Justin some time to think about this.  I believe that it takes more to be a father than the sperm; someone to be there, to raise them, to help them, to be all for them.  But this is something that Justin needs to figure what he wants, plus he needs to talk to his mother about this; if he decide to be with me.  You see Justin had a girlfriend in the passed that was PG from some other guy.  Justin wanted to be there for her, and he was.  He was in the birthing room when this baby girl was born.  He help raise her till she passed away.  She was only 2 1/2 years old.  He told me that he was there for her since she was born till the casket when down.  It so sad; I could see how hurt he is.  So I know he could be a great stepfather.  It is the fact about having his own.

I am just fooling myself; I know what it means to have your own kids.  And I want that for Justin.  I wish I could give him some or one.

Anyway, there is so much going on..........
I need to get out.  I think I am going to watch a movie........

Till next time.........