OK.....

Here is how my hair looks when I straighten it.

I have gotten so many, so many compliments on this style.

What do you all think!

~BRIN

I am doing so much better today; I do have a sniff neck, but I will see the doctor today for a follow up.

I have been going though so much, and I need to talk about this.

My ex is showing up with his fiance at DJ soccer game, and last night she came up to my apartment when my ex was dropping off DJ.  I know I show up at their houses to drop off stuff for my kids, but she does not have to show up at my place, right?  I have been trying to work at this because I know that DJ sense how I feel when she is a his game.  I think that is why this pass Saturday he did not want to play soccer.  I walk up and she is put DJ's right soccer shoe while my ex is put on his left.  I saw DJ and I get in the middle to try to give him a hug and kiss and say good morning.  I felt like push her away from him; I know he must it felt that.  But it is how I feel.  I just hate that she is there with my kids with my ex.  Not that I want my ex back; I will not want him after everything he put me though. 

Should I talk to my ex and tell him that she needs to stay away from events for now?  I know that she is going to be the step-mother, but I am having so much trouble accepting that right now.  Did I tell yall that she is doing this part-time business from home, and she had the Portland Chamber of Commerce do a ribbon cutting. Well, they put a picture of the ribbon cutting in the paper.  Remember this is my old town with all my friends; she put down that her staff include her children and her "step-children" my kids names were there, and her fiance with his name on there.  I was so pissed that she would call my kids step-children when they are not even married yet.  They are my kids, but I calmed down once I realized that she in a sense is already there step-children.  They all live together, except DJ.  Plus the way I see it; she looks bad in how she worded this.  Now, my friends know my kids name, as for who does not and they read that article.  They are going to see that she has her own kids plus step-kids and she is getting married a third time.  That is how it reads, so she makes her self look bad; and in the picture she came out with her eyes closes, so she looks bad in everyway.......  I hate her, hate her.......

I know I can't be friend with her, maybe later, and I am glad that she is not being mean to my kids.  The girls say that it is her kids that they have a problem with, not with her.  So she is not being mean to them, but I can't be her friend, so why did my ex bring her up to my apartment last night.  I know that DJ senses so much of me, and I try to hide it for his sake.  Last night, after all this, I was watching Grey's Anatomy.  I started crying during the part of Patrick Dempsey's was kick out Kate Walsh because he found out about her affair.  And she was crying and crying.  I am still crying......  How could he have done this to me.  And them he has her around so much.  I know I am the adult here, and I can get pass this and she is going to be the step-mother and she is nice to my kids but I hate her.  I hate him.  I tryed to wipe my tear so DJ would not see that I was crying, but he saw.  He came up to me and told that he loves me and daddy.  He knows.....  I can't hide this from him, and I need to get over this.  She is going to be around, and she seems to be nice, but I know that could be a play because of the 2 other events she had with me; one that I pulled her at Wal-mart and the second one was that I went to court to help her ex's.  She made up story and I will not forget them, my ex might, but I won't.

I know I am a strong lady, and I have not done anything wrong, but I still hurt.  I know I will move on.  That is all I could do.  I shouldn't talk to my ex about trying to not have her around so much because she is going to be around.  Sucks.......

Now to change the subject.......

I cut my hair.  How does it look.  I notice that I go back to my shoulder length look, but I do miss my long hair.  I just have so much hair that it gets to much, but now this length it puffs out with all this hair.

I also add some picture of Bocktoberfest.  On October 14th, I went to Shiner for this big huge concert; Godsmack, Blue October, Pat Green, Restless Heart, Diamond Rio, Old 97's and lost immigrants played. It was bad ass......  I had so much fun.  All these picture were taken with my camera phone.  Nice, huh....

Well, I have to go and get ready.  I have a test today, so wish me luck.

Till next time.......

 

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE, YOU ARE SO SWEET.......

I am feeling better.  The doctor said that I had fluid in my right ear.  She gave me meds.  I still feel weak, but the dizzy spell have gone.  Brenda Lee did stay over last night, which I see how much I miss her.  She went to the store for me too.  She was a big help for me.  But she did stay up till midnight last night, which I did not mind that is a teenager for you.  And I do miss it a little.

I do need to get back to getting catch up with school work.

But THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE WELL WISHES.........

I love you all too......

till next time....

 

OH MY........

I have been so sick........

It started on Monday evening.  I had dizzy spells then they got worse.  I was able to take DJ to school, and I came home and feel asleep.  I slept all morning and could not get out of bed after that.  The room was spinning so fast that if I was up.  I was throwing up, so I called the ex to pick up DJ from school and bring him home, but he should have gone home with David.  For dinner, which the ex stop by Krispy Kreme and bought donuts.  So DJ eat that then he wanted ice cream then had his juice then asked for a croissant.  Last night after I put DJ to bed, I remember some bad memories.  When I had my hystermony.  I felt like this, the dizzy spell and throwing up, and my ex not taking care of me.  I hate for that, plus I found out that that is when the affair started during that time.  What a jerk....

Anyway, I am heading to see the doctor.  My friend Melinda is picking me up and Brenda Lee will picking me up after.  Brenda Lee came over late last night to be with me; that was so sweet of her. David told the girl that I was not feeling good and Brenda Lee wanted to come over and be with me.  She will be here tonight also.  I so happy she is here.

Till next time......

 

I have not been wanting to write.  I have writer's block.

But I know that I just do not want to face things, and I feel like I will not have time to face things right now.  I have to much on my plate right now.  I am living day by day.  Finshing homework; one day at a time and try to get ahead, but it does not seem to work right now, getting ahead, so I will take it day by day.

I work an essay that was due on Monday.  My teacher gave it back to me to write it over.  She said I did not understand the assignment, but I talk to her about how I am feeling and not able to write for some reason.

The rough draft is due tomorrow, and I will be working on it tonight.

 

Well, I had so much fun at the concert.  I can not believe I saw Blue October, Diamond Rio, Pat Green, and so forth.....  But I am so glad that I did.......

It was so much fun........  I will try to post some picture I took with my cell phone; they did not allow cameras in the concert.  So the picture on the cell phone were not that great, but I have some.  I feel like I was at Woodstock.  So many people and it was raining off and on.  There was a pond beside the concert where they had campers.  Rolando joked about jumping into the pond and going naked like Woodstock.  Yep, they had a campsite next to the concert park; they were able to get there and camp the night before the concert.  Note:  the night before the concert was October 13, 2006, Friday the 13th.   And there was a cemetery next to the park; I wonder if any spooky happened......

Well, till next time.....

 

I am so sleepy..............

and my fingers hurt.  I was up till 1 a.m. typing my projects for work processing class.  The divorce decree turn to 51 pages, and I believe I was at page 35.  By the time, I was on page 50.  My fingers were hurting bad, and I mean bad.  Type the decree remind me that next month will be a year.  Time does fly by when your having fun....  or the bad.  Either way, life goes on.......

I will be going out of town this weekend.  There is going to be a huge concert at Shiner, Texas.  Godsmack, Blue October, Diamond Rio, Pat Green and a few more are going to be playing.  Oh my, I can't wait.........

I am trying to get into my school work.  For some reason, I am having a hard trouble getting into my essays.  I have notice that I am not write much here.  I think I need to slow down and think about things but not making the time for it or avoid it.  I know that is true; I could feel it.  But I am ok; I am going through something.  I went out Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Friday night, I meet the biker, and he has not called me; oh well, I was not really into him.  But on Sunday, I did meet Nat.  One problem, well not really a problem, but he is 26 years old.  He thought I was 24.  They tell me that I do not look my age.  Well, I am going to use, and I like the young ones for some reason.  The reason why I am getting to this story is because I meet him at the dance hall.  And before I was talking to him.  I saw one of my ex's friend.  I said hello to him, and he went on with his date.  Well, I had to drag Nat to the dance floor to dance some hip-hop.  He said that he really does not dance that, but he dance with me. After the dance he told me that I owe him 4 kiss because he dance with me.  I told him that he did say that before we dance, plus the night is not over.  We see how the night goes.

We talked and talked, he told me that he like all kinds of movies and ask me when we could go and watch one together.  He asked for this coming weekend.  I told him that I had my son this weekend, but I was planning to go out of town to Shiner for this concert.  Oh I forgot to tell you that he is studying to be a deputy.  He tells me that he is going to be working at the concert; security.  When he told me that I looked at him and tell him.  So how come you are trying to make plans with me, yet you are going to be working at the concert.  He told me that the concert is voluntary work; $250.00 and that he was going to cancel that so he could go out with me.  I was so touched that I gave him a kiss....... and told him that was so sweet of him.

I have not heard from him, but he did tell me that he works shift work; 18 hours plus he goes to school at night.  I can't remember if he said that he was going to be off this weekend.  I believe he is since he is planning to work at the concert.

I did tell him that I really wanted to go to this concert.  He did tell me that he was going to call me to find out if I was or not.  I guess time will tell, and I do believe that he is working all this week, but he should have made some time to call me by now; don't you all think.

OH WELL, if he does not, not my loss........

Life goes on.......

Till next time......

 

OH MY WHAT A SMALL WORLD WE LIVE IN.......... LOL.

Last night I saw a friend of friend of mine.  I meet her a month or so when I was with Susan J.  We went to this party at this bar that my boss was giving and her friend Tracy was there.

Well, last night I thought I saw her and asked the lady if she was Tracy; friend of Susan J.  She looked at me then she realized who I was.  We talked and talked, but I am getting ahead of myself.  Let me back up.....

Last weekend I went out (that it starting to sound like I am become a partygirl, hehehe).  But I was out at Whiskey Rivers.  I meet this cowboy; did I mention that on an entry before.  Oh well, he asked me to dance, and we danced.  After the dance which we danced 2 songs back to back, we talked.  He told me it was his birthday, and I did not believe him; a common line I've heard before.  So he pulled out his driver license.  Yes, it was his birthday, but I notice his year; 1975.  He looked older for his age.  But we talked and talked then my friend Holly came over to me, and we started to talk.  Well, I was not trying to ignore him, but he went and asked another lady to dance.  I told Holly; WTF.  So when he was dancing with her, and they danced two songs back to back.  Then a favorite song of mine came on, I told Holly I wanted to dance.  She hints to me that I should go and cut in.  I turned to her and look at her like should I.  She tells me; yes, go and cut in.  I had a couple of drinks and was feeling sassy.  So I walked on that dance floor and asked to cut in.  The girl turns to the guy and tells him it is up to you.  He looks at her and then me; then he is just looks at me with his jaw open like he did not know what to do.  I tell him; that's alright and walked off the dance floor.  Yep....  I was turn down.........

Well, last night when I saw Tracy.  Guess who she was with.......

She was with the same girl that was dancing with this guy.....

And you see;  the weekend of the regretted dance.  I thought I saw Tracy, but I did not get to check it out.  Come to find out, she was there that night.  In fact, before I said hello to Tracy.  They were talking about the girl who tried to cut in.  We laughed and laughed about it.

I ended up hang out with them.  It was nice.  We danced with each other and went barhopping.......

I guess I am becoming a partygirl.........  hehehe.......

The good thing is that we are laughing about it.

What a weekend.

Well I have to go.....

Till next time.....

 

On Wednesday night did any one watch "Dancing with the Star."

They had the Los Lonely Boys.  I can't believe that a few weeks ago; I was standing next to them and now they are on TV.........

I still remember that concert.....

It rocked......

I was out last night......

And I meet a biker and rode on his bike.  LOL......
But I had a great time.....  Drank a little to much, but I was good.

Well, I need to go....

I will try to write more later....

 

Trying to hold on to the positive.  I could feel it.  I know I could be a good person.  My anger is in control.  I don't lose it like I use to in the pass.  And the hurt is what I have trouble with.

I know that with time it will get better because it is about to be one year since the divorce.  And I see where I am now; compare to where I was a year ago. 

How this year has been to me.  And I am still going..........

I know that is how I need to live my life now, and it should be for everyone.

Learning what makes you happy, smile, laugh; makes you feel alive......

It does not have to be someone else, but it does sometimes.
It does not have to be what you work in, but it does sometimes.

It has to do with yourself......

And you know what........

Sometimes it has to do with the sad, the hurt, the anger, the broken heart........

But you know what........

It makes you feel.......  and that is life, huh...........

Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride...... (I believe that is how it is sung).

 

"...We are power beyond measure."  Strong words........

 

Some enlighting words..........

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are power beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"

Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. Its in everyone, and, as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Nelson Mandela

 

I have been very busy, and DJ is doing much better.  I need to write more what is going on soon.  I hope everyone is doing well.

Till next time.....