I am doing so much better today; I do have a sniff neck, but I will see the doctor today for a follow up.

I have been going though so much, and I need to talk about this.

My ex is showing up with his fiance at DJ soccer game, and last night she came up to my apartment when my ex was dropping off DJ.  I know I show up at their houses to drop off stuff for my kids, but she does not have to show up at my place, right?  I have been trying to work at this because I know that DJ sense how I feel when she is a his game.  I think that is why this pass Saturday he did not want to play soccer.  I walk up and she is put DJ's right soccer shoe while my ex is put on his left.  I saw DJ and I get in the middle to try to give him a hug and kiss and say good morning.  I felt like push her away from him; I know he must it felt that.  But it is how I feel.  I just hate that she is there with my kids with my ex.  Not that I want my ex back; I will not want him after everything he put me though. 

Should I talk to my ex and tell him that she needs to stay away from events for now?  I know that she is going to be the step-mother, but I am having so much trouble accepting that right now.  Did I tell yall that she is doing this part-time business from home, and she had the Portland Chamber of Commerce do a ribbon cutting. Well, they put a picture of the ribbon cutting in the paper.  Remember this is my old town with all my friends; she put down that her staff include her children and her "step-children" my kids names were there, and her fiance with his name on there.  I was so pissed that she would call my kids step-children when they are not even married yet.  They are my kids, but I calmed down once I realized that she in a sense is already there step-children.  They all live together, except DJ.  Plus the way I see it; she looks bad in how she worded this.  Now, my friends know my kids name, as for who does not and they read that article.  They are going to see that she has her own kids plus step-kids and she is getting married a third time.  That is how it reads, so she makes her self look bad; and in the picture she came out with her eyes closes, so she looks bad in everyway.......  I hate her, hate her.......

I know I can't be friend with her, maybe later, and I am glad that she is not being mean to my kids.  The girls say that it is her kids that they have a problem with, not with her.  So she is not being mean to them, but I can't be her friend, so why did my ex bring her up to my apartment last night.  I know that DJ senses so much of me, and I try to hide it for his sake.  Last night, after all this, I was watching Grey's Anatomy.  I started crying during the part of Patrick Dempsey's was kick out Kate Walsh because he found out about her affair.  And she was crying and crying.  I am still crying......  How could he have done this to me.  And them he has her around so much.  I know I am the adult here, and I can get pass this and she is going to be the step-mother and she is nice to my kids but I hate her.  I hate him.  I tryed to wipe my tear so DJ would not see that I was crying, but he saw.  He came up to me and told that he loves me and daddy.  He knows.....  I can't hide this from him, and I need to get over this.  She is going to be around, and she seems to be nice, but I know that could be a play because of the 2 other events she had with me; one that I pulled her at Wal-mart and the second one was that I went to court to help her ex's.  She made up story and I will not forget them, my ex might, but I won't.

I know I am a strong lady, and I have not done anything wrong, but I still hurt.  I know I will move on.  That is all I could do.  I shouldn't talk to my ex about trying to not have her around so much because she is going to be around.  Sucks.......

Now to change the subject.......

I cut my hair.  How does it look.  I notice that I go back to my shoulder length look, but I do miss my long hair.  I just have so much hair that it gets to much, but now this length it puffs out with all this hair.

I also add some picture of Bocktoberfest.  On October 14th, I went to Shiner for this big huge concert; Godsmack, Blue October, Pat Green, Restless Heart, Diamond Rio, Old 97's and lost immigrants played. It was bad ass......  I had so much fun.  All these picture were taken with my camera phone.  Nice, huh....

Well, I have to go and get ready.  I have a test today, so wish me luck.

Till next time.......