Well, life is moving.........

 

It has been 3 months now that I have been together with John.  Things are good between us.  The Navy is decomissioning his ship on the 1st of Dec. than he will be on leave for about a month, in time for the Christmas holidays.  He has also meet my ex and his wife.  It went well.  He will be spending the Thanksgiving holiday with my family and me, although the kids will be with their dad. 

 

School is going well.  I have another month than finals.  I have already register for next semester, my last semester and I will be graduating.  It is almost here.......  After all.

I can't wait.....

 

Oh, good news.....

 

I found work again......

I will be working with another attorney, a well-prestiges law firm.  It's a husband and wife firm; small but well-known.  They will be working with my spring semester hours.  This job that I am working were not able to do that.  It is a good thing and the right time.  The attorney has already told me that if things work well that I could possible have a position with them once I graduate. Nice, huh........

 

Well, I need to go.....

Till next time.....

~BRIN

 

 

 

 

 

John and I went to Six Flags and had a great time.  We saw shows and got on rides.  They had deco for the fright fest which I have not seen.  I had not had so much fun like that in a long time.....  I'm so glad we went.......

 

Till next time...

~BRIN

College has really opened my eyes to many things.

I remember and believe that our kids need guidance.  When they are so young; the need is more.  When they become teenagers; the need is less.  You hope that the teaching that you gave them will be with them when they become teenagers.

I grew up different than what my parents brought me up; so I know that my girls are going through the same thing.  Plus I beleive that we evolve more from generation through generation. Cultures chances as well as people change; that is life.  More therioes are developed, more hypothesis are sloved or proven.  We realize that we are all human as well as our kids.  They become adults with their own way of thinking, and if WE stay opened minded.  We can all be happy; isn't that what we all want?

Why should my kids happiness come first than mine.  If that means that I am shelfish or that is how you see me.  That is your right.  But for me, I am tried of my kids' happiness coming first.  What about my happiness.  I have not put my kids in danger and will not intentionally.  I love my kids.  They are part of me, but I know that they are their own person and will grow up the way they think they should live.  So why should I tell them what they should be doing (and this is when they are young adults) as well as they should not be telling me what I should be doing.  If they want to judge me for how I am living my life; they have every right.  They have not walked or try to even image what I have been through.  They assume so much, and how they are wrong, but they will not listen to me.  They have closed their mind, and that I can't help them with.  They do need to live life, so they will know what life is.  I still hope that the teaching I gave them will be with them, but if I was wrong.  I hope that they would come and tell me how I was wrong (specifics).  That we could sit and opened minded talk about it.  The first talk did not go that way, so I step back and wait.

I don't hate you.  (You know who you are.)

I am here to talk about anything.  I want to speak my mind, but if I am not seeing something.  Please tell me.  Be specific because I am interested in all that I could learn.  Knowledge plus communication is the key to growing, but with an open mind to things.

Till next time.....

MY, MY........

How time flys.......

It's been since mid-July that I have written an entry and a lot has happen.

Dave was my rebound guy.  Things did not work out with him, but that is fine.  As for my ex and his wife, she lost the baby, and I'm not sure if they are going to try again.  I believe not because (BAD NEWS) he lost his job.  Yep, he is looking for work, and I am trying not to worry.  I did meet someone, but.......

I have to be honest here.  I hope that everyone here will be open minded, but I know that I might not because I have been deal with the outcome of this......

My man is 22 years old. 

His name John.  He's in the Navy, a gentleman, and he is so infatutate with me.  My girls meet him briefly, but they think he is too young for me, (even through they do not know his age, just his looks) they do not want to be around him.  I had a talk with them, and they do not want to be around him.  They said things to me; Brenda Lee called me a "cougar" and a slut.  I was upset, but I am not.  John is an adult as well as I am.  We know what we are doing.  We are happy.  He is not the typical teenage boy, he is a man.  He is here with me or at work.  He calls me and text me every free moment he has.  He is so infatutate with me, but he gives me my space and time with my friends.  He is not the jealous type.  He shows his mutuality, but the girls have not give John that chance.  I talked to Sabrina this pass week about giving him that chance, and she respond by say that she would talk it over with Brenda Lee and get back with me.  I am not going to push.  If they don't want too than I can't change that.  But this is not fair, I know that things are not always fair, but why can my ex do what he did and not get sh*t from my girls.  My Girls are brats, and that I blam my ex.  He is dealing with them, and in a way, he is try to talk to them about this (even through he does not know who old he is).  And the way I see, IT DOES NOT MATTER.  We are adults.

You know that every relationship are not guarantee.  You take a gamble with your heart, with your time, so why put age in the factor.  Am I wrong, or not see something I should?

 

Oh my birthday pass;  I turned 38 years old on August 3rd.

Well till next time.......

I am almost finished with my college algebra....... Thank God, I just hope I pass.

Besides that, my friend, Susan and I have made up. :)  She apologized. and I did too, but I could feel how much work we need on our friendship.  This has hurt us and it is not the same.  I am hoping that she will want to go to the concert tonight.  We need to spend some time together.  Will see......

As for the new David, this pass weekend, I went to San Antonio and meet his family.  They all loved me, even his 1 year 2 months daughter came to me.  She quickly gave me her arms and would not leave my side.  She is usually not like that from what Dave told me.  He was shocked but happy that she acted that way.  Ok, let me tell you about Dave.  He is just recently divorce.  His ex-wife left him for another younger man.  She toke the kids.  Well, on New Year's Day, Dave got a phone call that his daughter was taken to the ER because she was shaken by the ex-wife young man.  She was in ICU for 4 days, had a tube place on her head to drain the blood.  She was hurt badly.  The ex-wife is something else.  She bailed him out of jailed and is still beside him.  In fact, she is pregnant with this guys child now.  Dave also has a 9 year old son, who is also a junior; David Junior, and he calls him DJ.  That is so strange, huh?  But he has custody of his children.  His son loved me too.  He asked Dave when I was coming back to visit.  Isn't that sweet....  But things are great with Dave.  I do have to admit it on here that I am still not over Luke.  I still think about him; I still cry over him.  I miss him so much, so I am afraid that this might be a rebound relationship, but then I do have deep feeling for Dave.  I am so confused.

As for the old David, he called me on July 3rd, the day before our original anniversary, that his wife is pregnant.  I knew that was coming.  DJ was saying that she was PG, but I never asked David about it.  I congrads him and wished him luck.  Well, on Monday, he told me that she might not be PG, that they fold these tumors in her and might need surgery.  They don't think she is PG.

Oh, well...  One thing after other....

That is my life now......

Till next time.......

 

Me and Dave......

OK... my entry,

Well, I have some good news and bad....

 

First, the good....  I made a ‘B’ in my English course.  YeeHaw....  I am so glad that is over, and that I did that well.  I sucked on my essay, but I made it through.

 

As for the bad news, I lost one of my good friends to a guy.

That has me really sad.....  I know that if she could do this than our friendship didn’t really mean much to her or so I think.

 

You see...

This pass weekend, Susan and I went to the Frio River, camping and some relaxing time or so I thought.  We were following her guy that she been seeing off and on, plus his cousin and friend.  We got there Friday night just in time to set up camping.  It started off nice. We were by the river, BBQing, and just hanging out.  It got late, but we were having a good time.  We went to the river to check it out; it was dark, but we want to jump in.  I got soaking wet, so I want to head back to camp and change.  Susan told me to follow (I’ll call him ‘H’) H to the camp site which was about 50 yards.  He was heading back to grab some beer and head back to the river, so I followed.  Well, we got to the camp and he hit on me.  OH I forgot to mention that they were smoking pot.  I don’t do that, but he was high and drunk.  Yes, I will admit that, but it did not give him the right to do what he did.  He even pulled out his willie and showed it to me.  I kept telling him no and couldn’t believe that he was doing this.  How much my friend loved him, and he was such an ass.  My friend and the cousin were heading back to camp site.  The only reason why he stopped even thought I was saying ‘no.’ I couldn’t say anything to my friend.  The next morning I stayed away from him and through the whole trip.  I didn’t speak to him.  We went floating around 1 pm till about 8 pm.  It was such a trip.....

We had everything happen to us.  They had tried the tubes together, so we could stay together.  Well, that was a bad idea...  We hit a tree and headed different directions.  It was scary because the water was raging.  I was shaking after that but knew I had to get back on the tube, if I was going to finish this. The ice chest flew over, and we lost our sun block and some beer.  We got back on the tubes and headed down the river.  There were more close calls, but we survived.  I did hit a rock on my butt and have a major burse.  I am hurting and so sun burn.  I am sore all over my body, even my toes hurt. LOL...  but this was a life experience.  I want to go back and float down the river. 

I kept thinking about Dave. I am not sure I told yall about Dave.  His really name is David, but I can’t call him that; reminds me of my OLD David.  It’s that funny, OLD David and now a NEW David, just like OLD Christine and NEW Christine. LOL...

But I wished that Dave was there with me on the river.

 

Anyway, I didn’t tell Susan about what happen till we got home.  I really didn’t want to tell her, but the whole trip back was how ‘H’ treated her like shit.  She didn’t hook up with him either night and he didn’t even treat her like a friend.  So I told her.  She left and I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer.  She finally emailed me telling that ‘H’ admitted that he did what I said, but he said that I did more.  She believes him, but she was more hurt that I said that he invited us to go so he could get it on with me.  My Point:  He didn’t hook up with her and he hit on me.  So am I wrong?  I did say that but that is how I feel.  She said that even thought that is how I felt that was still rude and mean to say that to a friend.

 

So tell me what yall think?  I miss her so much and after everything we have been through.....

 

 

 

Brenda Lee, DJ, Me and Sabrina...

Susan and Me....

The Frio River, by the camp site.....

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.  He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
         

5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

             

10.. Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

         
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!  
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?    
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
 
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.      
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
 
 

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!  
Life is too short and friends are too few!

My life has been so busy........

These online classes are killing me.  What was I thinking.  I don't have time for myself, but I am half way through it.

I am sorry I haven't been keeping up with everyone......

I have not told yall....

I found a small part-time job with an attorney.  One of the other girls told me that she might be quitting soon, so if I wanted more hours.  They would be coming.  I do this part-time job is not going to do for the summer.  I need to make some money for the fall.  DJ will be starting school, and I will need to start paying for the latchkey project that is an afterschool daycare but at the school.  Nice.....

But today at work it was slow, so I could read which is nice when I need to do homework.  Well, I was messing with the program on the computer and decided to write my letter to Brenda Lee.  I wanted to write her a letter, but when Katy did her thing.  I felt like she took that from me.  My friend, Susan told me that I should still write my letter.  Brenda Lee would cherish it, Susan still has her letter from her mother, so I did, and I want to share it with yall......

To accomplish
great things,
we must
not only act,
but also dream;
not only plan,
but also believe.

I read this the other day and thought of you.  I know you have been dreaming of this day; graduating.  I have learn that time does go on and it never looks back.  I would like you to keep dreaming, but most of all, I want you to believe that you are special.  You are special to me and your family.  we will always be here for you; any time: day or night, today or tomorrrow, this year or in 10 years.

I am so proud of you.  I had many hopes and dreams of my own for you, but you have astonish my expectation of you.  Yoy have accomplish so much in just this part of your life.  I know that you will achieve so much more.  Put your mind into anything, and it will come.

I will always love you.
Your mother,
Brenda

This girl graduated in the top 10 percent of her class with honors and a distinguish diploma.  She was in Business Professionals of America, Math club, in W.I.S.H club (also know as Make-A-Wish Foundation club.  In marching band, she made it to state competition, twice.

This is my oldest, isn't she wonderful......

Luke emailed me.....

After so many weeks, he wanted to know if I was ok.  I can't believe he would ask that.  How am I doing.  I can't get over him.  He does not know what he has done to me.  I told him that, and he said that he does becasue he is going through the same thing.  That is all it took for me to go back into this emotional rollercoaster ride again, then I feel like I am living in a slow motion movie, but I living in it.  It is hard to explain.....

I can't get over him.  I know it will take time, but I don't want to move on.  I live in the memories. Oh the so many memories......

I live in hope, love and faith now.....

Let it roll, let life happen......

Till next time......

 

Well, my oldest daughter graduated last night........

 

 

She graduated in the top 10% of her class.  I am so proud of her.  She has accomplished a lot.  I cried a little, but I can't believe that my oldest has graduated.  I have a child out of high school and going into college.  I, myself, have not finish college.   I can't believe how my life is, plus the things I have to deal with.

Thursday, my ex had a party for my daughter, and he invited me.  So I went, but I should have known better.  Katy did her thing.  I hate that I have to deal with her.  She wrote a letter to my daughter, saying nice things and how she felt about her.  I just wanted to run.  She did it in front of Brenda Lee's friends and me.  I know she intentionally did it to hurt my feelings.  I tried to go and check on DJ because he was in the bathroom with his dad.  DJ has this cough that makes him throw up from all the congestion.  And that was what he was doing when she read the letter.  My friend Susan was with me, and she did not know what to do.  She just looked at me, but there was nothing she could do.  I could not believe that she would do something like that.

Yesterday, I talk to Brenda Lee before the graduation ceremony, and she told me that she said something to katy.  But she thinks that she did nothing wrong.  She told Brenda Lee that she thinks I should be happy that she feels that way about her (me) daughter.  She could cares less about my feelings, and my ex stood by her (jerk).  Also, Luke contacted me yesterday.  He is wondering how I am doing.  I have been so out of whack.  With katy on one side and Luke on the other.  I want to scream.....

Yesterday night, I had to call the ex after the ceremony, so Brenda Lee could take pictures with him.  I had found her, and she did not have her cell phone, so I had to call him.  I did not even look her direction or acknowledge her.  But I thought of Brenda Lee.  I know that she wanted her dad and wanted pictures with him, so I called him.

This morning, she told me that my ex did tell her last night that he does feel bad for me and see how wrong it was for katy to do what she did.  She said that katy even wanted to apologize, but she did not know how.  Whatever...  I am planning to stay away from her.

As for Luke, I can't stop thinking about him.  Last night, I dreamt about him; being in his arms, even if it was just in my dreams felt so well.  I am hopeless.....  It has been a month, and I can't get over him.  I have been writing in a journal, trying to move on.  It helps to write what I am feeling, but it brings it to surface.  I keep remembering all the moments.  It does get easier, but I see how in love I am with Luke and how hard it is to get over him.  I was more in love with him than I was with my ex.  That is why it is hard to move on, but I know I have to.

 

Well......

Brenda Lee is almost out of school.  Sunday was the Baccalaureate.  She got upset with dad because he left afterwards.  He did not stay to take puctures with her, and mind you the wife had her camera.  I did take pictures with her, as you can see.  Friday will be the day, I can't believe that this day is coming already.

I am stressing in finding work, nothing yet, and I am starting to worry.

I am starting to get over Luke.  It has been a month.  I did something that I had to do, but some people will not understand.  I have a myspace website (address above), and I contacted Luke's wife.  She has a myspace website.  I did a friend request to her, but when Luke called to tell me how low that was of me to do that.  I lied and deny it all.  I did some fast talking, but he did not know what to do.  My friend told me that was not right of him to say that it was low of him to do me the way he did.  she is right, so that is why I do not care that I did what I did.  Plus I did want Courtney to see the pictures I once had of Luke and I (I remove them today, no longer on myspace.)

She wrote me this email:

Brenda,
I just wanted to let you know that we are not sure who is behind this friend request - you or Christy & Jessica - but, either way it doesn't matter because I will not let yall get the best of us. Who ever sent this to me was only trying to cause problems and I am not going to let that happen. I am not going to play this silly game. Luke and I have 13 years together, I can easily send you pictures from our past but, I'm not going to do that because that is something that is special & personal between us and there really wouldn't be point to it - just a waste of time. I want you to know that things are very good between me & Luke right now. All that has happened is being put in the past and left behind. The love that Luke & I have for each other is very strong. It has to be to be able to get through a situation like this. And to tell you the truth our love is stronger now than it has ever been. He is proving to me every day how much he loves me & how much he has missed me. He is showing me how committed he is to our relationship and marriage. We are getting back what we had lost and so much more! I know what I want and that is Luke - my husband, the father of my children - and I will not let anyone or anything that has happened in the past couple of months ruin the rest of our lives that we have to share together. I will fight for what I want. I will not give up on my marriage or Luke. I see the effort and changes that he is making to fix everything and to try to better our lives together. The wounds that I have will take some time to heal but Luke is standing by me and helping me get passed the pain. We will get through this and we will be okay. We are moving forward with our lives together and everything else will simply be in the past.
Sincerely,
Courtney

Then I wrote her this:

Courtney,
First, Thank you for being honest with me. I know that Luke loves you, and he is where he needs to be. I am glad to hear that you all are doing well. These pass few months we're hard on me and full of emotions, but I know that everyone else had been going through them too. Luke is a very special man and confused. I will always love him. We went through a lot, and I don't regret any of it. He will always have a place in my heart. I want him to be happy, and if that means with you, then it was meant to be. I know how hurt he was when he was without his kids; which I do miss your kids. I hope they are doing good. My son also misses them, the other day, he was asking for them, but I was glad to meet them. I do hope that everything in the past can be put behind; Luke told me the same thing, but in the end, he could not do it. So I hope for you and your kids that Luke will be able to do that, so that your marriage could go on. I hope the best for Luke, and I still love him. I will always love him, but I let him go. Only time will tell as to how things will work out.

Best of luck,
~Brenda

I am trying to move on, and I realize that Luke has too also.  I do hope that he will be able to work things out and be happy with her, for the kids sake.  Everyday I think of him, but it is getting easier.

I am getting out there, and I did meet a guy that I am interested in, but.....  always a but there huh.

He is hard to understand, maybe he will just be my rebound man.  Right now, I love dancing with him.  We dance very well, and I love that.  Only time will tell.....

Till next time.....

Well, a lot has happen...

 

I had an interview yesterday with this hot-shot lady attorney.  I heard from my friend that she thinks she is a feminist.  It went good, but I am not sure if I responded correctly to this one question she asked.  She went into asking about my work and got into my kids and so forth.  I told her about having my son, and then my job was transfer to Spring, Texas, and I stayed home with my son.  Then the separation and divorce and going to school.  The conversation was good, I felt at myself with her.  She then asked the question, “How do you deal with stress?”  This is where I do not know if I should have answer the way I did.  I said, “I have an ex-husband that I deal with.”  She laughed and I still laugh, but I think she knew what I meant.

 

Anyway, I am looking into two other positions that I will be interview and testing.  I did test at the courthouse, but I am still waiting to hear from them.

 

Please say a prayer for me...

Well, my mother's day is starting as a reminder of what mother's do......

 

Last night, DJ woke up at 3 a.m.  coughing and throwing up, afterwards he slept with me in my bed.  Then this morning I made breakfast and put the sheets in the washer (can let that sit till tomorrow).

I did go out last night and came back home around 1:30 a.m.  I found a note that Sabrina and DJ made for me, it said Happy Mother's Day, we love you.  It was so nice...... and with butterflies.

I still can't stop thinking about Luke, but I am starting to get angry.  I can't believe that he is putting me through this.  I don't deserve this, and I think I should move on.  But then I remember everything that we went through, and how I feel for him.  I love him so dearly......  but his absent make me feels lonely, hurt, angry and betrayed.  I know with time it will get easier......

Well, till next time.....

 

COOL MySpace Comments

 

To all the mother's in j-land......

Hope it is a wonderful day for you all.

 

I have some good news.......

 

I made 3 B's and an A in Algebra.  WooHoo......
With everything I was dealing with I am so amazed with my grades.

Plus  I got a call from the county courthouse yesterday, they want me to come in and do some testing.  Once the test is done then interviews will start if the testing is within their standards.  I wanted to work in the courthouse.  I would love to work in the Federal building.  There is one here in Corpus, but then I would love to work at the Capital; Austin......

Only time will tell..... 
Where my career will lead me too.

But say a prayer that everything goes well.

I have not heard from Luke since Tuesday.  I don't except to hear from him though.  I am trying to move on.  I will going out tonight with my friend Kristy.  She is so much fun to be with.  Yesterday, we were having lunch and towards the end of our lunch some cute guys walked in and went to the bar, so we move ourselves over to the bar.  We had a drink and watched the guys and chatted.  Well, she turns to me and asked me which one I like.  I told her which one, and she said I like him too.  Then she says, "Let's arm wrestle him," and I put up my arm, and she was going for it.  I tried to beat her, but she was really fighting for it, so I let go and hit her glass and spilled her drink.  I was so embarrassed.....

The guys laughed it up, and you could tell they enjoy the entertainment.  That's Kristy for you.....

Well, I needed to get dress....

Sabrina is here, and we have plans.

Till next time.....

 

A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS ?

Someone will always be prettier.
Some will always be smarter.
Some of their houses will be bigger.
Some will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go,
and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it!
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored
woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know,
she's got the car, the house, the clothes~~~~
might be lonely.
And the word says, "If I have not Love, I am nothing."
So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say,
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed, to be disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen~~
Losers let things happen."
Be "blessed" ladies~~~~~
and pass this on to encourage another woman.
"To the world you might be one person, but to the one person you just sent this to,
it could ? mean so much."

SEND THIS TO YOUR FAVORITE WOMEN~~I JUST DID!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

My friend Melinda just sended this to me.  Boy, I needed it.......

 

It has been very hard for me, but I think I am starting to look at the positive side of things.  I am planning and moving on.  Friends are so wonderful, and I have some good ones.....

Thank God, they are here for me.  I will get pass this, and I will find another job.  I just have to keep moving and looking.

Last time, I heard from Luke was Tuesday.  He was telling how he still loves me so much, but he had to do this.

Strange thing is that I do understand.  When he asked me to marry him, after the question and hugging and kissing and holding, I did asked him if he was sure about it.  I knew it then that is was to soon.  I just knew that he was not though the process of divorce.  I been there done that, but I believe that he had, and he was not.

So, Like the butterfly, let him go, and if he returns than it was meant to be.

  ~BRIN

March the 11th was my last entry and a lot has happen.

 

Well, first, Luke went back to Courtney.  He wants to try to work things out with her.  5 months, we were together and in love.  I feel so rejected.  It was so hard and right before finals.  It was really hard.  My last final was on Thursday, but I had all 3 test that day.  Talk about stress......  At least I did not have a break down.  But I think I am starting to.....

Because my boss let me go.......
Yep, beside not having a finance.  I do not have a job.  Why does this happen to me?  The reason that he told me was that he needed a full time Paralegal and one with more experience.  He said that he should have done that from the beginning.

I have so much going through my head.  I am missing Luke so bad....

Feeling like I am so worthless. Hitting rock bottom again.....

 

Luke has admitted to me that he know what he is walking away from.  That I could make him happier than what Courtney can.  He misses his kids so much and sees how hard it is on them. He has told me that if Courtney could make him half as happy that he is with me than he wants to be there because of the kids.  He told me that it was nothing that I did, but that he had to give it one more try for his kids.

I can't get him out of my mind.  I am so in love with him.  It was so real... so real....
We had a lot of obstacles.  A lot has happen and said that I want to write in here.

In time.....

Till next time....

 

My honey has been sick since he went to work.

He is lovesick, but he has a cough that would not go away.  Well, this morning he called saying that he was coming home.  He could not talk; it hurt for him to talk, so I know he is feeling bad.  They have a doctor on the rig, and he had been seeing him.  Now, he is calling saying that he is coming home.  That only means that the doctor has requested for him to leave.

My baby is coming home, but he is sick....

 

I am missing my honey so much......

One more week than he will be home.

I am in another mood though.  DJ is with his dad on Tuesday and Thursday because of my evening class.  Remember, David is helping with DJ.  He picks him up from headstart and on Tuesday I go to Portland and pick DJ up when I am out of class.

Well, today he called me and told me that he would be able to pick up DJ, but that he would have to go and drop him off with Katy and head back to work.  I was fine with that.  when I got to the house and rang the doorbell.  She came to the door, and acknowledge me told me she would get DJ.  But she left the door open and I could see the new picture that were hanging by the door.  They were of David and her from the so called wedding they had.  She had one of the exchanging of the rings and them kiss.  It hit me.  It brought back the pain of the pass.  Not that I want my ex back or that I still have feeling for him because that is over.  I found my true love.  I see how someone could really love someone else and that is Luke.

Just like the song; "Mom his crazy, crazy over me."  He surely is.....

But I talked it over with Luke, and he said it best.  Katy has no respect for me.  She had to put those photos there for only one reason, and that was for me to see them.  I bet there was more place in that house that those photos could have gone on.  But no they had to be by the door.

Also too, DJ is starting to fuss when I pick him or he is dropped off.  He says he wants to stay with daddy.  The only thing is that today dad was not there, so DJ saying that he wanted to stay with dad did not make sense.  I have been taking him screaming and crying.  He goes through a trampturm, but I let him.  The car ride home he did talk, and I asked him that dad was not even there why was he asking for him.  He would shrug his shoulders.  I asked him if it was because he wanted to play on the playstation.  He said yes.  I told him that he would be getting one for theapartment soon.  David purchased other one for him to have here with me. (How very nice of him!)  But DJ is addicted to play on that machine, and now I am going to have one here.  I am going to keep a time on him.  He will learn that he can not do what he does at dads.  I will have him in the routine I have him on.  David let him get away with murder that is why he acts the way he does.

Well, anyway enough of rant....
Till next time.....

 

We went and took picture with our Cowboy Hats on.

I love my Cowboy.......  He is so handsome.
I miss him so much, and we have been writing Love Letters to each other.

Since I put one of his on here.  I thought I will put one of mine, so here it goes:

 

 

Mi Amore,

 

My love, My everything...

I too feel like my life is complete, now that you are by my side.  I love you so much, and I see how it is right.  I too have never felt this way.  I feel like I could talk to you.  I could be myself, and you will love me for who I am.  I see you smile at me and that lightens my heart.  I feel so much joy with you.  I feel like I am always on a cloud when I am with you.  I hear your voice in my head, singing to me and talking to me.  I can’t wait till your home, so I could look into those baby blue eyes and have your arms around me.

 

When you asked me to marry you; I didn’t have to think twice.  I knew thatyou are the one for me.  I trust you with my life with everything.  I know that you will not hurt me.  You make me so happy.  I love to be with you.  You asking me to be with you forever weren’t a hard decision to make.  I can’t wait for the years to come.  Dreaming, hoping and planning for our future is what I am looking forward too.  And yes getting older...

 

I am glad you told me that this is who you are when you are with me.  And I want you always to be true to me, be yourself.  I want all of you and nothing more because I want you and only you.  Nothing less or different...  Believe me baby, I love you for who you are... 

Even your stuff but you do need to quit because I don’t want you getting sick from that and leaving me alone.

 

I thank god that you are in my life.  And I meant what I said; in my heart I am marry to you.  I love you with all my heart.  Waiting for your return to my arms...

 

Love always,

Brenda

 

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Ok, Let me get you all caught up with what is going on.

First, getting older.  Luke jokes with me that I am older; I am 37 and he just turn 29.  I have no problem with it.  He really doesn't, but he like to joke about it because in the beginning, I told him that when I am 49.  He will be 38 and would he have a problem with having a wife who was almost 50.  He told me that he would love me.  He will always love me. Awww....

Second, he told me, here is the section:

  I want you to know that you have completely changed my life or showed me how to be myself or both; I'm not sure which one, and I'm sure Corpus had a little to do with that.  Come on I cant give you all the credit, but I have done things with you that I never thought I would do with anyone such as sit down and type a letter to tell someone how much I love them or spend time riding bikes or taking walks along the beach, being romantic, even just enjoying being with you, holding you and thinking of you every moment of my life trust me this is not who I used to be. But it is who I am now and I guess deep down inside this is who I always was just never had the reason to show it like I do now. I  love you Brenda with all my heart all my soul you mean the world to me and I will never let you go. Let's stay together and grow old together happy ( but you going to beat me there ha ha lol) just kidding.

Third, I got a call from this guy I was seeing before Luke.  He called one night. Late and I was half asleep.  I thought I saw Luke's name on the phone, and I answered it saying, "Hello, Baby...  Is everything ok."  The guy answered yes, and we talked for awhile before I notice that it was not Luke.  Well, he wanted to get together.  I told him that I was engaged, but he did not care.  He told me, I was engaged not married yet.  Itold him that in my heart I was married and that nothing would happen anymore between us.  The next morning when Luke called I told him about it because I wanted him to know that this is how much I love him, and he does not have to worry about me.  He told me that he was not worried about me.  He was worried about the guys calling me.

Do you all remember Justin......

He was the one back in August.  When David call CPS on me, and Justin supported and helped me thought that.  He too wanted to marry me, but he wanted kids of his own.  Well, He came over the end of January.  He saw me and told me that I looked really good.  Then he told me that he made a mistake and wanted me back.  I told him no that he needed to go and have a family.  I was not what he was looking for.  I told him that I am here as a friend and will always.  But that was all.  He understood, but he told me that I was a great person, and he would always love me.

That is why Luke is nervous about Justin.  He is not to much worry about the other guys, but Justin is one that he does.  That is why I told him that in my heart I am married to him.  Which I do feel that way.

Last, the STUFF.... he does chewing tobacco, which he is bad.  He could go though two packs a day.  So the only thing that I wish he would change.

 

I am so in love.... The LOVEBUG....... I am hopeless.

Well, till next time......

 

Wow.......  How time flys when your having fun and just busy........

Ok, I added some more picture of Luke and I.

Luke works on the platform rig called the Independence Hubb as a mechanic.  Sorry, Carol, I could have been more clear about that. National Geographic filmed about the Hubb.  He left Sunday to visit with his kids, plus he had to show up for work this morning.  I miss him so much.......

I talked to him early this evening.  He made it safe to the platform and is working nights for now.  He works 2 weeks on the platform then he is off for 2 weeks.  I can't wait till he is back home......

I have been stricken by the LoveBug, big time......

I can't stop thinking about him.  Every song I hear reminds me of him.  Then there are songs that he has sung to me, and I could still hear his voice in my head when I hear the song.  I am daydream.  I have it bad........

Some of the picture are from his hometown, We attended the parade.  Every year, his friends and Luke decorate this bus.  They have put in a sound system, air guns (to shot mardi gras beads), fire flames on the side of the bus.  Lets just say that this bus is loaded to PARTY.......

We had so much fun......
We danced and dranked and eat.  Yes, they have a BBQ Pit on the bus. LOL......  But we paraded through the county rodes then headed to main street.  This was an all day event.  After the parade, we went to concert.  The picture with Luke and the chicken, he threw this chicken to the crowd.  It's a tradition that has been done for so many years.  The reason is to give food to the needy, but what it has turned into is that the drunken folks are chasing chicken.  It's funny seeing these people try to catch a chicken.  In the end, Luke and I had so much fun. I can't wait till next year.  Maybe, I will take DJ.

I am missing my baby so much...... 
I wish he was here beside me.......

We have not set up a date for the wedding.  I told him that I want to wait till next year.  I want to finish my school first.  He agreed.  He said he would wait for however long I wanted too.  He is so sweet.....  I love him so much........