Well, my oldest daughter graduated last night........

 

 

She graduated in the top 10% of her class.  I am so proud of her.  She has accomplished a lot.  I cried a little, but I can't believe that my oldest has graduated.  I have a child out of high school and going into college.  I, myself, have not finish college.   I can't believe how my life is, plus the things I have to deal with.

Thursday, my ex had a party for my daughter, and he invited me.  So I went, but I should have known better.  Katy did her thing.  I hate that I have to deal with her.  She wrote a letter to my daughter, saying nice things and how she felt about her.  I just wanted to run.  She did it in front of Brenda Lee's friends and me.  I know she intentionally did it to hurt my feelings.  I tried to go and check on DJ because he was in the bathroom with his dad.  DJ has this cough that makes him throw up from all the congestion.  And that was what he was doing when she read the letter.  My friend Susan was with me, and she did not know what to do.  She just looked at me, but there was nothing she could do.  I could not believe that she would do something like that.

Yesterday, I talk to Brenda Lee before the graduation ceremony, and she told me that she said something to katy.  But she thinks that she did nothing wrong.  She told Brenda Lee that she thinks I should be happy that she feels that way about her (me) daughter.  She could cares less about my feelings, and my ex stood by her (jerk).  Also, Luke contacted me yesterday.  He is wondering how I am doing.  I have been so out of whack.  With katy on one side and Luke on the other.  I want to scream.....

Yesterday night, I had to call the ex after the ceremony, so Brenda Lee could take pictures with him.  I had found her, and she did not have her cell phone, so I had to call him.  I did not even look her direction or acknowledge her.  But I thought of Brenda Lee.  I know that she wanted her dad and wanted pictures with him, so I called him.

This morning, she told me that my ex did tell her last night that he does feel bad for me and see how wrong it was for katy to do what she did.  She said that katy even wanted to apologize, but she did not know how.  Whatever...  I am planning to stay away from her.

As for Luke, I can't stop thinking about him.  Last night, I dreamt about him; being in his arms, even if it was just in my dreams felt so well.  I am hopeless.....  It has been a month, and I can't get over him.  I have been writing in a journal, trying to move on.  It helps to write what I am feeling, but it brings it to surface.  I keep remembering all the moments.  It does get easier, but I see how in love I am with Luke and how hard it is to get over him.  I was more in love with him than I was with my ex.  That is why it is hard to move on, but I know I have to.