This Christmas, I finally gave in. We added a puppy to our family. Her name is Lacy. She is doing good in housebreaking.

I have not been wanting to write. There has been so much going on. Things at work have been really busy. They said it is to be the slow season, but it has not been. Things with John have been rocky. We have our good days and bad days. He did get his orders; he will be going to Evetett, Washington. As to when, not sure yet. I also found out that I need glasses, and worst of all, bifocals. Yep, I am getting older. I look like my mother now...... I am still trying to get use to them too.

Well, till next time.....

~BRIN

Well, there is so much going on. My life is not boring.........

We only had an hour to trick or treat this year, and DJ and I did not join S and J this year. We had been getting the boys together for the pass 3 years; this year was different. Parents night for the Senior Band was on Halloween, so we had to be at the football game. I took the little man to a city park that puts a Halloween gathering at this Old House. I forgot to take the camera.

However, does anyone remember the year my oldest had Senior Parents night. The Step-mother brought flowers, and she was only a week married to the ex, but she felt that she should stand out there with all of us. I was so upset....... Well, this year, I did not forget the flower, but she did. Also, I got the pin again. They make this pin for the mothers; I got the pin with the oldest, and I did get this one too. But the step-mom was upset that there was not one for her just like with my oldest. She also made a comment in front of me while we waited to take the picture that she was glad that I brought the flower because all he money went to gas going to Ohio. Oh well....... She kept trying to make small talk, but I did not. The ex finally got the message and they move over to other area till we had to take the pic. John notice that she was upset that she did not get a pin.

Now, for the big news.......
Guess who is looking for work. No, not me, Thank God...... The EX is. I am so scared. I looked at how I am going to try to make it. I am going to have to remove the Internet and the cable. I just started making Car payments; I can't believe this is happening. I pray that he finds work soon.

Well, I need to get ready for work. Plus there is drama at work too; I'll write about that next time......
Till next time......
~BRIN

My oldest daughter has been spending time with me. I called her Wednesday afternoon to do dinner. She asked me; if I cook my spaghetti. She missed my spaghetti, so we talked while I cooked. She also came over on Thursday, and she called yesterday afternoon to see if I would go shopping with her. So I picked her up and we went shopping, then I took her out to eat at the island. We acted like tourist, sitting outside on the porch of the restaurant. It was a beautiful night, cool and the shrimp boats docked on the pier. Slow we are sharing; I see how much I really missed her. I am so glad she lives near by, and that she is calling me. I think she is also accepting John too.



John has been working seven days and from sun up to sun down. The project will be ending next week, and I will finally spent more time with him. John has not seen the little man since I don't know when. However, he has talked and asked how he is doing. plus he wants to spend some time with him once this project is over. John is so in love with me; this morning, he text me this: "There is an emptiness in my heart when I leave u every morning and it is not filled until I see u again." All I could think about is how he is going to be when he leaves on his next order, which we will be hearing in about two weeks. When he will be leaving though; I don't know.



My baby girl left for Ohio, not sure where exactly Lisa Jo. Her step-mother's grandfather had a heart attack. Baby girl went to help with the drive. Yep, they drove from South Texas to Ohio; 23 hour drive. They are to be back on Monday, but I hear from the oldest that she loves Ohio. She said it's like the show Gilmore Girls, which she loves that show. We would sit and watch that show every week when she lived with me and before the separation. I miss doing that with her; sitting and watching our favorite shows.



I have to go and take careful of some errands.

Till next time.......

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 3 months. We have been though a lot, and we get along so well. I am not sure where he will be station, but he has put in his "wish list" as I so call it. He would like to go to these places, but it could still turn out that they could ship him off to another place. He has put in: 1) Florida, 2) Hawaii, 3) Italy and 4) Japan. He has been to Japan, and he would like to go back there. He will be so far away. He wants to do this Long Distance Relationship, but I have my doubts.

I am about to finish reading; Dear John by Nicholas Sparks. This book is what I have experience with John. He has fall in love with me, and I with him, however he will be leave soon. I just wonder, and I feel like our lives might turn out like the book. I feel that John will hate me when he is away. He will miss me so much that he will hate me for not joining him. I feel like I can't do that at this time in my life. I getting my chance at my career, and I feel like I will not be able to get that somewhere else, plus I can not separate my son from his dad. Even after everything he has done to me. I can not take him away from his father. I still have my doubts about John, but if it is meant to be. We will find a way.

Till next time......

I have been going through so much......

It has been 4 months since I started working for this firm, and I am doing good. I knew that I would have some adjustment; working full-time was a major change, plus dealing with co-workers. Working with so many women: conflicts arrise, rumors are spread; it's like a family. It's like he said/she said, in this case, she said/she said, but for the most part, it's not that bad. I have come along way. Finishing school, I knew that I would still be learning and in training. I step into this firm to help with the receptionist desk 3 days out of the week hoping to move up. I went to school to become a Paralegal. Now, I am waiting for a replacement for me in the receptionist desk, so I could join my team: J and A (I won't write their full names.) I will be with a Paralegal and an attorney, more training for me. My dream is to be "on my own" Paralegal for an attorney. It will take time, but I work towards that goal. Just like I worked towards my degree.

Every since my divorce, I know that I am on my own to make my dreams come true. However, I wonder how much is true about that in the subject of "Love."

My boyfriend, who is in the Navy, will be leaving on another order. My first with him, and I will not be going with him. I will write more about this another time. I am still trying to work it out in my head and heart. There is so much to think about..... and part of me does not want to get into it. Out of sight; out of mind.

Till next time....

Test......

This is a test. This is only a test. Whatever, right...... Setting up my email blog and testing it.

I am still trying to find my way through here.......

I fell in the parking garage after work today, and I am really hurting. I want to write so much more, but I just want to go to sleep.

Till next time....

The Wedding Cake came out so beautiful.........

I did an awesome job.......

I am really for some sleep, still feel bad, but getting better.

I'll write more tomorrow.

Till next time.....

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October 22, 2004 was my first entry.  I can not believe that they are closing us down........

I started this journal right before my separation and being here through my divorce, and my schooling.  I have been through so many things; I have grown so much.

Some of y'all have seen me through it all, and could not have done it without y'all support.

Please help me through this; I am not sure what I need to do to move my journal.  Where do I start?  What blog? How to transfer?

As for me, I am home from work.  There is a virus going around here.  It is like a the flu, but not as hard.  I have body aches, slight fever, headache, and a bad sore throat.

I have been going through some hard times.  I gain so much weight and been trying to get back into exercising and can't.  I am realizing how hard it is to be working full-time and a single mother, along with having a relationship.

I have a wedding to attend this weekend, which I am doing the wedding cake.  Yep.... I am making the cake.  Krista is the daughter of one of my longest close friends.  We have been friends since my oldest and her son were in kinder.  Krista and Sabrina were very close friends while growing up; today, they barely say hi to each other.  Krista is a year old than Sabrina, but they were once together in class.  A kinder and 1st grade program that I put Sabrina in.  But I saw Krista growing up with my girls, and I see her as a daughter.  I can not believe she is getting married.  I will post pic of the cake.  Can wait too....  I am excited.

Till next time.... but wait on some help, Thx......

Just a quick entry before I have to get ready for work.

Things have been busy, but I have good news.

Not this pass Friday, but the last, I had talked to the main partner about my position in the company.  I was really looking about insurance, plus if I was an employee of the firm because I am still doing this internship program.  Before he left for the weekend, he told me that they are going to team me up with the new partner, JPH and his paralegal.  I will be working with them Monday thru Friday; they are going to find someone else for the days that I am at the receptionist desk.  He told me I was doing a wonderful job and that I am more valuable in the back than in the front at the RDesk.

I am so happy; I am move up in the firm. However, JT did not like it.  Office drama; she had been hoping that she would be moved to the accounting dept.  You see, they had hired me 3 days out of the week to help in RD, so she could help in the AD.  Now that I am working full-time and moving into the legal assist for JPH & AMG.  She is jealous that I am moving up in the firm and she is still hoping.

I have the degree and worked hard for this and still working hard.

As for my oldest, she is doing well with the car.  In fact, I have been calling her for dinner dates and she has been joining me.  We have been talking.  I told her we should try to get together once a month to catch up.  She is dealing with a lot.  Did I tell y'all that one of her roommate ran out on them.  They are living in a 3 BR apartment and can't get out of it till Dec.  They are working extra hours to make up the money.  They already have plansto move out and set up in a different apartment closer to school; a 2 BR.

My son is doing well.  Things with John have been rocky.  We have been fighting more, but he is the one that starts it.  I'll have to write about that another time. Time to get dress.

Till next time......

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I drove off with my car on Saturday. I didn't sign the paper till tuesday. They had a problem with the computer printer and many forms to print. That is why everything happen when I signed. ~BRIN

The Lexington Pictures.........

~BRIN

Decisions, Decisions..........

Why am I still have problems making them; or better yet, why am I making them and regretting them.  Not able to stand up for myself or am I.

I am looking back on the purchase of my car.  I took one of my long time best friend with me, when I was looking for my car.  My friend asked the salesman if I could have the tax, title and license with the sales price on the car.  He agreed; but at the sign of the paper.  He did not.  My credit was not bad, but not good because of the divorce.  He had told me that they had a difficult time finding financing for me because of it, plus when I sign to purchase the car.  He quoted me $329, yet before the signing, he told me that it went up a dollar or two.  In the financing office, I found out that it went up to $347.  However, the financing salesman was trying to sell me the option packages, bring it up to $400 a month; a dollar or two, my ass.

When signing the paper, I notice that the tax, title and license was added to the sales price.  All I could thing was that I already had given the old car to Brenda Lee, and I need this car.  All I could think was I would deal with it, but I was screwed.  Plus this financing salesman was pushing on this options.  I finally raise my voice, "No, No, No...."  I am a single mother, here I sign and agreed to the $329, and now I hear that because of my credit, the amount when up to $347, and here you are trying to sell me this package making the amount to $400.  I told the salesman that I could only afford $300, but I would work thing out for $329, and now I am dealing with $347.  I can't do $400.

Bottom line is that it is done.  I have a $347 car payment.  People still screw other people.  I try to watch out, but they still do.

I don't know what to think, or what to do.  I can't stop thinking about you know who, Luke.  I am having trouble feeling like myself.  I have gain my weight back.  Trying to get back into exercising, but I can't seem too.  I have this great guy, he is not prefect, but who is.  I am dealing with the possibilities that he will be leaving.  And I realize how much I need someone to hold me, to love me, someone with me. I love him, but I need more.  There are thing that he is not fulfilling in my life. I just wonder if he could.

There is so much going on in my life.  Sometimes I do not want to talk or think about it.  My life is so screwed up, but I guess whose isn't.  This is life; the good and the bad.  Just try to hold on to the good, huh.....  Try to be positive.

Till next time......

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I am checking if this is going to work. I am adding this entry from my cell phone. Till next time...... ~BRIN

Check out my New Car.........

I needed too.  The oldest was in an accident two weeks ago.  She is fine; she was only brused from the seatbelt. Plus school started last week, she was riding the bus and catching rides from friends and her roommate.

My plans were to buy a new car and give her the 1994 Camry.  I had told her about it, and she told her dad that she did not know about taking on a 14 year old car. My ex told me that he was disappointed with her.  I was shocked, here, she is being handed a car, and she is concerned.  I told my ex that if she should be asking me about the condition to the car.  I have been taking care of the maintence and repair on it.  The car is in good condition; I have kept up with it.  It just had an oil change and has new tires.  She is such a brat; Daddy's creation.  He gives her everything, but now that he is divorce and can't do everything.  She is learning how it is to do for yourself.

When I brought the car.  I went to pick her up from work to take her home.  I didn't mention about the car till we were walking to it.  She was shocked; in fact, I think she thought that I had brought the car for her.  I read that on her face.  On the ride home, I told her that I still plan on give her the Camry, but I heard about the 14 year old comment, and I asked her what she thinks.  She said, "Well......."  I told her that it should be me to ask about the car's conditions, and I told her.  I also told her that if she did not want the car that I already had a buyer for it.  I did.  My friend Susan, herson is moving back to TX from CA, and he needs a car.  She had told me that she would buy it for him.  By the time we reached my apartment complex, she had said that she wanted the car.

My girls are bad, but I blam my ex for it.

I have my pictures from the Lexington. I will be added them later.

Till next time....

What is wrong with my journal........

OH Hell.... it this what my day is going to be like.

I am still trying to get over this sickness.  I threw up my dinner last night from coughing to much. Great....  I am so hungry this morning, I will be getting breakfast.

Work has been good, in fact, yesterday one of the paralegal left or she was let go.  I am not sure what happen.  All I was told was that it did not work out, and we are to say that she is not in.  If it has to do with a case, I am to forward to the another attorney paralegal on the case.  I am hoping that the firm would ask me to fill in the spot, but I am not sure if I am ready.  I am scared that I would screw up.

I am experiencing office drama.  I knew that this would be a factor due to the size of the office, but I am doing well.  I am trying to stay in the middle.  One day I will write about what is happening.

This Sunday will be my Birthday; turning 39.  John wants to celebrate it on Sat., so I am getting a sitter.

Junior's Birthday was Tuesday.  I had birthday dinner with him, and his father had birthday cake and ice cream with him, plus he spent the night with him.  It was good.

I am planning a birthday party on the USS Lexington.  I won a live aboard on this WWII aircraft carrier.  It will be cool to sleep on the ship.  Here is the link http://www.usslexington.com/  go and check it out.

Well, I need to get ready for work.  Thank God it is Friday, I am so ready for the weekend.

Till next time.......

 

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I have not been feeling well.....

I had called in sick on Wednesday, and I am still coughing with junk coming out, sometime I can't catch my breathe. 

I have not been wanting to write either.

I have a lot things on my mind.

Work has been busy, plus work reminds me of that show LA Law.  Always something going on and being said.  I will have to write about that another day.

John and I have celebrated our 1 year anniversary.  I can't believe it has been a year.

Well, till next time....

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Thursday night, John went out with his buddies from the ship.

This was the first time that he had been out with them and with out me.  I am fine having a boy's night out.  I have girl's night out too, usually when John has duty, and DJ is with his dad.

Plus, I am learning to trust John or trying to trust a man.  If a man is going to cheat on me again; I know now that it is his choice to do or not to do it.  If he is not getting from me what he wants or needs, and he finds it from someone else.  Than the best of luck for him.

I understand what it means to hang out with your friends and drink and laugh all together.  Just having fun.....

John has not done this since we been together, he has never planned it with his buddies or he is working; plus that night I had DJ and no babysitter.

Well, John had left at around 9 p.m., and he was back home by 12:30.  He was not out long.

Today, he is on duty, and he text me if I wanted to know why he was home early that night.  I said, 'yes.'

This was his text: "I started to miss u more and more while i was watching all the couples dance and you were not by my side and i was feeling bad because i left u at home."

He does love me; does he not?

Till next time.....

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Well, it has happen........

I was called into the conference room with the New Partner(JPH), and the Head Partner(CMS).  I immediately assume that I did something wrong.  CMS asked me if I wanted to work more hours; I immediately told him, 'Yes.'  He told me that JPH need some assistant with some Discovery, etc... and asked if I would like to help him.  OH......Yes..... I Do.......

It starts here does it not......

I am so happy for this opportunity.

But.....

I want to talk about my cell phone company.  Who has Sprint?  Well, I have been with them for years, but they have pissed me off.

During Wally's funeral, I dropped my cell phone in water.  I pleaded with Sprint to give me my upgrade discount which in Aug it would have been $150 discount.  I was already eligible for $70 discount because I have been with Sprint over one year, but in Aug it would be two year with them and the $150 discount.

Well, they would not give me my $150 discount only my $70.  They would tell me that that is why they offer insurance on cell phone for case like this.  I was so pissed......

Well, my friend had Sprint at one point.  She canceled her account with them and had a phone that I could use.  So, I went to add it to my account.  Well, the guy in training added my friends phone to my account, but he put the $70 credit and the new two year contract to my account with out tell me.

Well, to make a long story short, I have made two calls about that this was not an upgrade.  This was an old phone to use till my contract ends, so I could cancel this account because I do not want to deal with these kind of people any more.

Till next time....  I have to get some sleep for tomorrow.

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We are always fools in love, huh.......

I saw Patricia today while shopping for grocery.  I had not seen her for over 4 years.  She did not know that I was divorce, and she had not seen DJ since he was a baby.  She was so surprise on how big he was, and that I was divorce.  She asked me if I was over my ex.

How we are fools in love.  I told her that I was heartbroken, but I have move on.  I went to school and graduated and just started working.  But her question about be over my ex has take me to search my feelings.

How a fool I was, but I wonder how I see love now.  Am I still a fool in love?  How do I know what is really true love.

It feels so good, but it is always good in the begin; is it not?  That spark in his eyes as you realize that he watching you.  That spark you feel when he first kisses you, or that touch that makes your tiny hairs on the back of you neck stand up.  The feel of butterflies in your stomach as you wait for him to show up.  Or that thoughtful gift he brought you just because he wanted to please you.  It is always good in the beginning.

I wonder about this because I know that this thing I have with John will be ending.  In July or August, John will be talking to someone about his shore duty.  He has already mention that if he is not able to station here that he will try to move to San Diego, CA.  I will not be moving.  I really can not because of my son.  I can not keep him away from his father.  He totally adores his dad, and DJ would hate me for keep him from his father.

So, my time with John will be ending, and I can not seem not to wonder what a fool in love I have been.  But it is so real, I am in love with him.  It will be a year on 25th of July that we have been together.

Since my divorce, I have learn that things do come to an end, and all we have is the memories.

Till next time......

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Well, I finished my first week at work, and it end with some great news.

I work with six attorneys, and two attorneys were in trail all week.  Closing statements were this morning, and verdict in the afternoon.  We won; the client was given $1.6 Million.  The office had a celebration at the office.  The office is wonderful.  I am really enjoying it.  The girls are great and the attorney are nice.  It has started off good.  I hope it does not change.

Till next time....

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Thank you, Ellen and Carol, for your kind words.  My mother is doing good; she is trying to keep busy, but she already wants to come home.  She miss all of us.

As for my job; I start work on Monday.  This position is strange because it is with the college.  It is a paid internship and part-time, but the law firm has already told me that they are going need me more than the 19 hours a week; they need me for three days out of the week.  They are going to pay me for the extra hours.  In fact, they called me back on Friday afternoon asking if I could work the entire next week for training.  May they will change there mind and make it for more than three days; I guess will see. Now, this position is at the receptionist desk, but they say that I will handle other responsibilities.  I am going to have to work to that paralegal position.

The sad part; Friday afternoon after I had accepted this intern position.  Another law firm that I had interview with two weeks ago called me.  He wanted to let me know that I was still in the running for the legal secretary position and just wanted to get in touch with me.  I told him that accepted this part-time position but I needed a full-time position.  He said that if it did not work out to get in touch with him; hopefully it will still be available.  What luck......

I have to start some where thought.  Wish me luck.......

Till next time.....

It has been crazy and hard week......

It came on Wednesday that I was finally able to really cry that Wally is gone.  I know that he passed away, but to realize that he was not going to be coming back.  He is gone, and I am going to really miss him.  Then I think about my mother.  She is going to need us so much, so much.

She decided to leave with her sisters, my aunts, to visit her parents, my grandma and grandpa.  They are old and not in good health, so they were not able to make the funeral.

The funeral was something.  You see, Wally's kids, will one did not like my mother and has always made trouble for Wally and my mother.  Well, why would a funeral stop her.  She stood up at spoke, which if she would have asked, we would have granted her wish; this is her dad, but she walked up.  Plus one of the ex-wife raised her voice to my mother.  It was not to bad, but we knew that something was going to be said or done; and both happened.

My mother is doing okay; she has her moments which is to be excepted.  I just wish I could do more to help her with the pain.  Tuesday night, I spent the night at mom's home.  I slept with her which it had been a long, long time since that has happen; strange.  But mom woke up at 3:40 a.m. crying; she said that is the hardest time for her.  She would wake up at that time to fix Wally's breakfast and lunch for work, so she is still not able to get out of the habit.  She wakes up and realizes that he is gone.  I am glad I was there, but my sister had me up till 1 a.m., so I was so tried when I came back home Wednesday afternoon, plus it had hit me that Wally was gone.  It has been hard.  He was a good man. Everyone had kind words to say about him.  The mayor, sheriff and someone else important spoke at the funeral.  That was very nice and had wonder things to say about Wally.  He was well known and liked.  He always had kind words to say to me.  I am going to miss him truly.

I do have good news too.

I had an interview today, and he hired me on the spot.  Very nice, huh....

Plus the day that Wally left the hospital, I had an interview.  Well, he called me today that he still had my name on the consider list, but he was ready to hire.  I told him that I did find work today, and thank him for calling me to let me know that he was still considering me; that was sweet of him.

I will start working on Monday.  Yeehaw.....  The ex is still looking, but he is going to fly out-of-town for an interview next Friday.  I pray that he gets this job because the child support will be end at the end of this month. Oh God, I hope he gets this job.  However, he told me that if he gets this job; his office will be downtown, where I will be working.  I believe the building next door.  Maybe we could do lunch; yea, right. LOL.....  I would not be able to do that.  But knowing that he is working at that building is going to be strange.

Well, till next time and Happy Friday the 13th......

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 Sorry, I have not written.

Wally, my step-father passed away on 4th of June.  He went quickly, he was not in much pain.

My mother asked me to put a presentation together.  She gave me some picture and requested another presentation of wise words, but she asked to add his picture at the end.  I was not able to edit the presentation, so I opened up power point and started from scratch.  Once I am done with it.  I will share it with yall.

It is good that I am keeping busy.....

Plus no job prospect, so I try to stay busy.

This is so sad, Wally is truly missed, but I know that he is not in pain any more.

Till next time......

Ok, I added the rest of the pictures....

John, DJ and me went to visit John's family in East Texas.  Thomas, the youngest will be graduating this Friday, and we will not be able to go.  John was off on this pass Friday due to the holiday, but he had duty on Sunday, so we left Thursday afternoon and arrive at two in the morning.  We left Saturday and arrive here at one in the morning.  It was good though....

Till next time....

Well I was only able to add these pictures of the weekend.  I will try later today.  DJ had a wonderful time; we did too.

I have to go to the hospital.  Step-father has been there for a while.  He is the one who has lung cancer.  Well, they gave him the news that the cancer is spread, which I had figure, but they told him yesterday that it is in the bone now.  He has been very weak, but he wants to go home now.  Mom says he is get his strength, but she worry how it will be at home.

Prayer for him that this will be not so painful.  I believe that he has made up his mind that he wants to live these few days or weeks with less complication that he can for my mother's sake.

Till next time.....

~BRIN

The other day, I read a journal about greatness

I quickly question what is greatness.  For me, greatness could be as small as helping my son learn to tie his shoes.  He is still trying; I know one day he will get it.

She talked about also being extraordinary.  What does it mean; Dictionary.com defines it 1) beyond what is usual, ordinary, regular, or established; 2) exceptional in character, amount, extent, degree...noteworthy, remarkable. 

What is usual or ordinary or regular.  I believe there are different levels of usual or ordinary or regular.

I had missed the season finale for Grey's Anatomy; but I recorded it while we were gone.  We went to John's home town to visit since he was not going to be able to attend his brother's graduation this week.  We took DJ to meet his family.  His mother fell in love with DJ.  She spoiled him so much.  She and him had a great time; so did we.  I am so glad we went, even though we drove 8 hours to get there, so it was a total of 16 hours of driving.

But to get back to what I was talking about.  Meredith is talking to a therapist about her mother cutting her wrist in front of her and that she did not call 911 till she passed out.  Her therapist respond why she waited to call, and she did it because her mother would be upset if she would have called them.  She asked her if her mother really wanted to kill herself, and she said yes.  However, she later realize that her mother told her before she died to be extraordinary.  Meredith always saw her mother as a gifted, talented, extraordinary surgeon; and she assumed that is what her mother was talking about.  To be a surgeon like she was, but she realize that her mother was asking her to be extraordinary in life.

Can it be that simple........

Yes, it can.  One of her commentor respond that nothing is more powerful than the greatness of LOVE.  Love is the parent to all other accomplishments.....

I seek for the love of who I am.  I have flaws, and I know that no one is prefect, but we strive to make the least mistake in our lives or better yet, someone to learn from mistake or other people's mistake is how I believe it should be.

But to love someone for who they are is what I love the most.  To feel that extraordinary acceptances is a wonderful feeling.  It is peace....

I am not saying to accept there flawness but to be there for them in realization, in learning, and in change if that happens.....  Because it is in one self to change and wanting to change for the happening to be done.  It is in ourselves that have to live this life and decide what or how we want to live it, but it is a Beautiful Ride like Gary Allan would sing or better yet Garth Brooks, The Dance.  I wouldn't want to miss this dance.

It is extraordinary......

Till next time.....

This is so cool..............

Click on the link to find your hometown gas price.  Enter your zip code and it will list them as well as the locations.

http://autos.msn.com/everyday/gasstations.aspx?zip=&src=Netx

~BRIN

Last night, John and I went to Jen's B-day party at this bar.  We played pool, and I noticed that games are all in the mind.  What I do I mean.

I played league tennis before my divorce. I played this older lady.  I immediately thought; oh, I have this game.  She can't keep up with a young one.  But her mind was wise.  She beat me with placement.  She placed the ball in out-of-reach areas from me.  She used her mind to beat me.

Now I see how pool is a mind game.  Yes, it is played with angles, but for me, it comes down to the last ball, sometimes the last two balls to play.

I played my first pool tournament this past weekend at a friend house.  I felt like I was ready.  It was not bad, I was beat with only one ball left on the table. On my first game, I noticed that I did not have the confidences to win.  That mind game comes to play.  Yes, I did not play the right angle, but I did not believe in my self.

I am choking at the end of all my games; that is what I have notice last night.  That seems like my life right now, huh.

Recognizing is the first step, moving to a solution is the next.

What to do.......

Till next time......

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All that studying, all that work, submit application after application, and to go to interview after interview, to sit and wait for someone to give you a chance, to give you that job that will fulfill your dream.

I feel like I will not be given that chance.  I have not given up hope; I am doing everything I can.  I am so ready to go to work.  I want to complete an assignment; I want to help someone who is in need.  Plus I want to have co-workers.  I want to feel like I belong with a group working to help their clients.  I want to feel the hustle and bustle of work.

Till next time.....

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A quickie........

 

Looking for work, sucks.....

As for Lisa Jo questions: Yes, he is still with the girl.  They are married.  She had a miscarriage, and I don't think they are going to try again because he is not working.  The company did a restructure of their company.  My ex's position was done away.  They told him that he could apply for other position that were available; however, he was not chosen.  Now, he is having trouble finding work or that is how he present it.

Till next time......

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This is a bad picture, but I love it....

Well........

My life right now......

I have a degree and looking for work; starting a career.  I am nerves and wonder which way my life will go.

 

As for my love life, John and I have been going on for 9 months now.  He has been so good and helpful to me.  There is something about him that I am still trying to figure out; why I am so infatuated with him.  We get along very well, and really don't argue.  We have a way of arguing; he respects me, and I respect him.  In fact, I am that way with everyone.  I have learn that yelling does not get you any where or accomplish any thing.  But John is a good man.  The only thing is that he is 23 years old and I am 38 years old.  Now, John and I do not have a problem with age.  What I have a problem is people who judge us.  They do not see how we feel for each other.  It is really. He is happy, and I am too.  His mom likes me, in fact, she wants to meet DJ.  She has told John that she would treat him as a grandson.  Now, I am not ready for marriage, and John has told me the same thing.  His mom is ready for grand kids.  She is hoping that John's brother, Mat gets married soon and will have kids.  She is at that stage.  John's younger brother will be graduating high school this month.  As for right now, it looks like we will not be able to go to it.  I have learn that living with a Navy man.  You do not plan things; you live for short plans, spire of the moments.  It can be exciting.

 

My kids are good.  The girls did not like the fact that I was dating a young man, but they are coming around.  DJ likes John, he helps me with him.  He always includes him in everything.  John's father left him when he was young, and his mother remarried after that, so John knows how is feels to be a raised by a step-father.  I believe that is the reason why he treats my son the way he does.  He is a good man.  I love him.  I am happy with him.

Now, for the other man......

My ex has still not found work.  It has been since Oct. that he has worked.  I am starting to worry because his severance's pay is about to end.  I have been receiving the child support thought this severance's pay.  I just pray that he finds work soon.  Plus I am getting a gut feeling that he is jealous that I have a degree now.  You see when we were marry; I tried to go back to school, but he did everything to ruin that dream for me.  Even when we were separated he told me that I should not be going to school that I had to find work to support our kids.  You see he did not finish school.  When we meet he had stop going to school; we were not dating when he made that decision.  He was dating his ex-girlfriend, but I became pregnant, and I image that he puts that fact as to why he did not go back. He always said that he needed to work to support his family; the same attitude that he told me when we were separated.  I now have my degree and he does not.  I realize that it takes sacrifices and sometimes many sacrifices to get that degree.  He does not see that.  I do now....  I hope he does not give me lip about this.

Well, I better get busy with things around the apartment.  I have been doing some spring cleaning (a couple of months behind) now that I have time, along with looking for work.

Till next time.....

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Here are the pictures from my Graduation.

I still can't believe that it has happen.  Three years in the making and it has happen.

~BRIN

MOTHER
This is a truly BEAUTIFUL piece.

Please read this at a slow pace, leisurely, digesting every word ...

do not hurry....this is a treasure...

For those lucky to still be blessed to have your Mom,
this is beautiful.

For those of us who aren't, this is even more beautiful.

For those who are moms, you'll love this.


The young mother set her foot on the path of life. 'Is
this the long way?' she asked. And the guide said: 'Yes, and the way is hard
And you will be old before you reach the end of it.. But
the end will be better than the beginning.'


But the young mother was happy, and she would not
believe that anything could be better than these years. So she
played with her children,and gathered flowers for
them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and
the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried,
'Nothing will ever be lovelier than this.'



Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was
dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother
drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said,
'Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come.'



And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and
the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary.
But at all times she said to the children,' A little patience and we are there.'
So the children climbed, and when they reached the top
they said, 'Mother, we would not have done it without you.'



And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up
at the stars and said, 'This is a better day than the last, for my
children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage.
Today, I've given them strength.'



And the next day came strange clouds which darkened
the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped
and stumbled, and the mother said: 'Look up. Lift your eyes to the light.
' And the children looked and saw above the clouds
an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the
darkness. And that night the Mother said,
'This is the best day of all, for
I have shown my children God.'

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and
the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent.
But her children were tall and strong, and walked with
courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her,
for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill,
and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And
mother said, 'I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end
is better than the beginning, for my children can
walk alone, and their children after them.'



And the children said, 'You will always walk with us,
Mother, even when you have gone through the gates.'
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates
closed after her. And they said: 'We cannot see her
but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She
is a living presence.......'



Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper
of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach
in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand
on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives
inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop.
She's the place you came from, your first home; and
she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love
and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can
separate you.

Not time, not space... not even death!

The day has finally arrived.....

Back in August 2005, I stepped into my first college classroom and started this journey.  I still remember thinking that it would take me forever to finish.  It is finally here.  I have done it.  I have really done it.  I have accomplish something for MYSELF; well,I remember feeling this way at my high school graduation.  However, college took more, a lot more work from me.

Now, I need a job......

Till next time.....

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Yeeeeeeeeehaw.........

My last final is done,

now for Friday........

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Count down begins......

5 more days.....

Then I will be a graduate. I can't believe that it is here.....

By Tuesday, I will be done with all my finals.  Thank God.....

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 Oh my.....

If it is not one thing, it is another....

 

I will not be getting my scholarship money   Because I am going to graduate this scholarship can only be a transferable.  OH WELL....  at least I got recognized.  That means a lot to me.

Second, yesterday I was told that one of my credit would not be consider to my degree.  It was my Spanish class I took last semester, but it is a transfer course.  So I talk to my advisor and told him what was going on and he handle it. As I was driving to John's softball game, I got the call that everything had been taken care of it, and I will be graduating this May 9th.  I just have to pass my classes. 

Oh my ...  In two weeks......

I will have my degree.......

Now to look for work!!!!!!

Till next time, I have to fly, busy, busy busy....

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Some words for thought......

A good woman is proud of herself. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, nor does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs.

A good woman is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love.
She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated.  If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.

A good woman has a dash of inspiration, a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will, at times, have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them.

A good woman knows her past, understands her present and moves toward the future. A good woman knows God. She knows that with God the world is her playground, but without God she will just be played.

A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love.

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Another BEST time in my life happened yesterday afternoon.

I was awarded another scholarship and this one I really earned it.

I attend and wrote an essay for the Annual Gift and Scholarship Reception for college.

I was award one of the five $500 general scholarship for my essay.  I am so proud of myself.   I needed to write this essay as a closure for my college life, but to be awarded for it makes me so proud.

And with good, some time bad comes; I stood up to go to the podium to receive my award and my strap to my dress broke.  Yep, I was so embarrassed and shocked, but so happy that I was recognized.  This older lady came to my rescue at the end of pictures, but some how I have to make an impression. LOL....

I want to share my essay, tell me what you all think.

How Scholarships Have Helped Me in My Mission to Improve My Life

 

            The support of my awards had significantly contributed to the enhancement of my education to achieve my dream.  My first steps toward improving my education took place in fall of 2005.  That point in time was a difficult one; my marriage of 17 years was ending.  The realization of returning to the workplace was frightening because I required additional education for a career to sustain my family.  The decision to return to school was difficult for me to make.

            My college life has been an intricate and astonishing experience.  The many years that have passed since I waspresent in a classroom were not the only current challenge; in addition, my status included the position of a single parent.  The juggling of schedules was a combination of my son’s school, his homework, and his extracurricular activities; as well as, my college classes schedule, my homework, and my part-time work.  The arranging and rearranging of plans was a habit I knew at the beginning of each semester.  At times, I had family and friends: who lent a hand when they were available.  Many times, I had to depend on a sitter.  In this type of situation, my grants aided greatly for a student/single mother with limited cash, over and above, the expenditure of schoolbooks and classes. 

            As a full-time student, part-time worker, and full-time mother: life was bursting at the seams.  The contribution of the grants played an enormous role towards school, finances, and to my objective.  I am deeply grateful to my sponsors; for without there support, I would not be able to accomplish my dream, or have this experience in my life.  As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”  The extended knowledge that I have gained from attending Del Mar College, and due to the support of my sponsors, has built my conviction that dreams do come true.  I will cherish this experience forever.

I have been working to hard.......

I was working on my essay, and I was transferring it to my memory stick. Or so I thought, I erased my essay.

 

No, this is no April Fool's joke.  I so wish it was.  I just want to cry.  I had put in 3 hours this morning into it, and now it is gone......

I could just hit myself....

It was due this afternoon, and now it is late.  Oh well, start all over again.....

I really like this play, "A Dollhouse" by Henrik Ibsen.  I found a site that explains the play. http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/dollhouse/  If you would like to read it.

This play really touched me.  I was like Nora in my failed marriage.  I was Nora. Writing this essay has opened some issue, and I have learned from it too.  Strange how things speak to you.  I found that to be true in music too.

Oh well, I guess I start on my essay, once again.

Tell me what ya'll think about the play.

 

Till next time....

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Spring Break, yea, right.....  like I'm going to have one.

 

I have so much school work.  Five classes and each one requires at least two or more projects that I have to accomplish during the break.  Plus I had to start over from the begin for my process speech for Public Speaking.  My first speech was more for an informative speech.  I kept telling myself that at least I have most of my speech ready for when I need to present it, but I had to start all over for my process speech.  And my last speech will be a persuasive, and I don't have any idea of what to research, any ideas?

 

So this is how I will spend my break.  I did go over last night to my best friend house.  We had dinner and watch 'Sex and The City' reruns.  It had been a while that we had done that. 

Will I better go and do some work.  I did buy my cap and gown, so I am ready or am I?

Till next time.....

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Yes, Ellen.  He is still married, and the reason why I try to stay away from him.  I remember the pain that I went through when my ex told me about (how did he call it?) Oh, yea...  His love interested.  I know how Luke's wife felt.

When I dated Luke, he told me that he was separated from his wife.  When he told her that he was dating me, she filed for divorce.  Luke told me that he was ready for that and wanted the divorce.  He wanted to be with me.  Well, after 4 months, he changed his mind.  I still remember that day; when he told me that he was going back home.  I did not cry, at least not in front of him.  I told him that I understood, and wish him luck.  That was in the morning, he did not leave and said that he want to see me at lunch time.  I did, and that was when I did cry.  I was trying to be strong and by lunch time; it hit me.  At that time, he changed his mind again, but I told him that he should go home.  Then I went back to work.

He emailed me that he was not going back home.  He wanted to stay with me.  He said that he realize what he was going to lose.  But....  He did need to go back home for the weekend, and he asked me to go with him.  I did....

That weekend, we had a confrontation with his ex.  It a long story, but in the end, I was the one to clam her down.  Luke was amazed with me.  He told me that no one could get to Courtney.  He was truly amazed how I talked to her and clam her down.  She was something, but I understood where she was at.  Been there, done that...  Well, not bad like she did, but I could feel for her.

Luke and I came back home, and by Tuesday that week.  He was packing his bags again.  The night before, we had talked, but he did not tell me that he was going to leave.  He told me before I left for my morning classes. I knew he was going to do that.  I told him again to go back home.  I understood, then left.  I did not cry.  I had a classes in the morning with a break in between.  I came home during the break.  I could not let him leave the way I left it.  When I drove up the apartment parking lot.  Yes, I could see his truck loaded.  I ran up to the apartment and he was at the door.  He saw that I drove up.  I was crying and ran into his arms.  He kissed me so hard and long with tears in 'both' our eyes.  I still remember....

But... in the end of that conversation, I told him to forget about me and work things out with Courtney.

Yes, I did....

Oh well...  I was trying to be strong and trying to do the right thing.  I am still trying to do that.  Luke needs to decide what he wants and live life that way.  Be it with Courtney, then he needs to deal with every problems he has with her.  If he wants me; he needs to figure that out on his own.

I don't want to even think about that.  I am watching the 'Sex and the city,' strange because they are talking about men who cheat, and how they will not leave their wives.  Plus, Luke did not cheat, he was already separated from his wife when we dated me.

Also, my ex did leave me, so what are the odds of men who say that they are goign to leave, and men who wants to leave but will not.

I do not want to think about this right now.  If Luke would leave his wife and come to me.  What troubles we would have.  How would I trust him that he has made his mind up, and that he would not change his mind and leave me for her again.

I am thinking about this because it has happen to my friend. I told her that things happen for a reason, and that there are no guarantees in life.

I need to stop....  Nothing has happen for me to be thinking about this.

Tillnext time.....

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