Spring Break, yea, right.....  like I'm going to have one.

 

I have so much school work.  Five classes and each one requires at least two or more projects that I have to accomplish during the break.  Plus I had to start over from the begin for my process speech for Public Speaking.  My first speech was more for an informative speech.  I kept telling myself that at least I have most of my speech ready for when I need to present it, but I had to start all over for my process speech.  And my last speech will be a persuasive, and I don't have any idea of what to research, any ideas?

 

So this is how I will spend my break.  I did go over last night to my best friend house.  We had dinner and watch 'Sex and The City' reruns.  It had been a while that we had done that. 

Will I better go and do some work.  I did buy my cap and gown, so I am ready or am I?

Till next time.....

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Yes, Ellen.  He is still married, and the reason why I try to stay away from him.  I remember the pain that I went through when my ex told me about (how did he call it?) Oh, yea...  His love interested.  I know how Luke's wife felt.

When I dated Luke, he told me that he was separated from his wife.  When he told her that he was dating me, she filed for divorce.  Luke told me that he was ready for that and wanted the divorce.  He wanted to be with me.  Well, after 4 months, he changed his mind.  I still remember that day; when he told me that he was going back home.  I did not cry, at least not in front of him.  I told him that I understood, and wish him luck.  That was in the morning, he did not leave and said that he want to see me at lunch time.  I did, and that was when I did cry.  I was trying to be strong and by lunch time; it hit me.  At that time, he changed his mind again, but I told him that he should go home.  Then I went back to work.

He emailed me that he was not going back home.  He wanted to stay with me.  He said that he realize what he was going to lose.  But....  He did need to go back home for the weekend, and he asked me to go with him.  I did....

That weekend, we had a confrontation with his ex.  It a long story, but in the end, I was the one to clam her down.  Luke was amazed with me.  He told me that no one could get to Courtney.  He was truly amazed how I talked to her and clam her down.  She was something, but I understood where she was at.  Been there, done that...  Well, not bad like she did, but I could feel for her.

Luke and I came back home, and by Tuesday that week.  He was packing his bags again.  The night before, we had talked, but he did not tell me that he was going to leave.  He told me before I left for my morning classes. I knew he was going to do that.  I told him again to go back home.  I understood, then left.  I did not cry.  I had a classes in the morning with a break in between.  I came home during the break.  I could not let him leave the way I left it.  When I drove up the apartment parking lot.  Yes, I could see his truck loaded.  I ran up to the apartment and he was at the door.  He saw that I drove up.  I was crying and ran into his arms.  He kissed me so hard and long with tears in 'both' our eyes.  I still remember....

But... in the end of that conversation, I told him to forget about me and work things out with Courtney.

Yes, I did....

Oh well...  I was trying to be strong and trying to do the right thing.  I am still trying to do that.  Luke needs to decide what he wants and live life that way.  Be it with Courtney, then he needs to deal with every problems he has with her.  If he wants me; he needs to figure that out on his own.

I don't want to even think about that.  I am watching the 'Sex and the city,' strange because they are talking about men who cheat, and how they will not leave their wives.  Plus, Luke did not cheat, he was already separated from his wife when we dated me.

Also, my ex did leave me, so what are the odds of men who say that they are goign to leave, and men who wants to leave but will not.

I do not want to think about this right now.  If Luke would leave his wife and come to me.  What troubles we would have.  How would I trust him that he has made his mind up, and that he would not change his mind and leave me for her again.

I am thinking about this because it has happen to my friend. I told her that things happen for a reason, and that there are no guarantees in life.

I need to stop....  Nothing has happen for me to be thinking about this.

Tillnext time.....

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Oh my..... guess who called me.

 

Luke, he called me Friday morning around 5 a.m.  Yes, he called.  I could not believe it, after I had told him goodbye and promise myself to move forward.  Things are good between John and I, and here he comes around.

We talked for almost 30 minutes and then he had to go to work.  He told me that he had a dream about me, and he had to call.  I asked him what his dream was about.  It was his mother calling him to tell him that I had call and was going to visit her.  That is so strange because I was talking to my friend Kristy two weeks ago about going to LA.  I wanted to go and visit her.  But mostly we talked about the pass memories, and it was so good to hear his voices.  But it was hard to remember all those feeling and memories.  He is also missing me so bad.  He asked me if he could call again, and I said, 'Yes.'

I know....  I been thinking since we talked about everything.  I have a good thing with John.  I do not want mess things up with him, so I wrote him an email.  I want to post here:

I daydream about you everyday it seems, and I remember all the beautiful memories we went through.  Than I remember that they are pass memories and that is all they will be.  I will not have future memories with you, and you can not give me what I need and want.  I need someone here that will love me for who I am, that will go through hard times and good times with me.  Who wants to be with me.  Be with me.........  I remember that you choose Courtney over me.  You left me.  How you did not want me and it hurts really bad because I gave you me.  It was not easy to love again after my divorce.  I did gave love a chance with you and you ripped me apart when you left.  It has taken me this long to heal, and I am trying to move forward without you.  I made that decision when I said goodbye, than you called me which youhave never done.  I was so happy that you showed me that you are longing for me.  BUT......  I have been thinking about this.  You just want to remember the pass; relive the old memories all over again and I can't do that.  It is hard just even the few daydreams I have, and now you want to call me and go over them again.  I can not do that.  Please do not call me unless you can tell me that you want a future with me, than I could see if that is possible.  I will always love you Luke, but I need more.  At this point, you can not give that to me....  so I have to move forward.

~BRIN

Tell me what you all think.

Till next time.....

 

Passion.....

I am looking for some, not the sex part, but the one that moves you.  The one that makes you get out of bed.  The one that makes you feel like you are going to be on top of the world.  Something that makes you wonder and hope that you can make a difference.

Now, the other kind of passion is good too.  I am not lacking on that, but he is on duty tonight.  I will be alone in bed tonight.  Sorry, guys...  I am in a strange mood; can't wait to see John.  Things are very good with him and getting serious too.  He gave me a promise ring.  It is two hearts entwine with our birthstone and has the words love on it.  He told me that he order it for Valentine's Day, but it did not arrive in time.  He asked me, "would you be mine?" and gave me the ring.  It was sweet.....  I said, "Yes."

 

Oh....

Something is wrong with DJ; I went to pick him up after school.  He is in latchkey, and one of the coaches talked to me.  She told me that DJ and this boy have been having problems.  One moment they are the best of friends, than they are fighting, really fighting.  This has not been the first time; she has mention this to me, and I have talked to DJ.  Today, she told me something that I am worry.  She said that DJ was chocking this little boy.  Apparently, this little boy hit DJ in the stomach before he did this.  what worries me is that I have meet this boy.  He has breakfast at school, and DJ has pointed him out to me.  But I could sense something wrong with DJ.  He looks at him in a way that I can't explain, but I could sense something.

I came home and had a long talk with him, but it did not go well.  I called the ex and told him about what happened.  We all end having a conference call.  I wanted the ex involved, and I need help with DJ.  He could not understand how serious this is.  The coach has told me that DJleft red marks on his neck.  When she said that I could feel how angry DJ, and I not sure if is because of this little boy or something else.  He said that this boy keeps following him.  He also was swinging and accidentally hit DJ on the side of his head, but he did apologize.  DJ also told me that he pops in his pants.  We tried to explain to him that he and this little boy are still growing and accidents do happen, but he should not be friends with him because he pops in his pants.  I will be watching out for him.

Well, till next time.....

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O.K. I got back some papers from some classes, and I am not failing but close to it.  I need to get my but in gear.  I just can't seem to find it.  I want to have some fun, or just sit and watch TV, or go out to watch a movie.  This is everyday that I feel this way.

Oh well, I better go and do some schoolwork......

Till next time....

 

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Yesterday, I had a party for John to celebrate his birthday.  We had a great time.  I'm finally feeling better, but I can't get motivated to do schoolwork.  I have an essay due tomorrow, and an exam Wednesday; I need to get busy.  What is wrong with me.  I will be or should be graduating in May, but if I don't get myself to finish projects, essays, and study for exams.  I will not......

I guess I am burn out.  I am so ready to put those books aside and have some kind of interest besides legal issue or history and so on....

If anyone has some idea to get me motivated, please email me.....

Till next time....

~BRIN

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