Yes, Ellen.  He is still married, and the reason why I try to stay away from him.  I remember the pain that I went through when my ex told me about (how did he call it?) Oh, yea...  His love interested.  I know how Luke's wife felt.

When I dated Luke, he told me that he was separated from his wife.  When he told her that he was dating me, she filed for divorce.  Luke told me that he was ready for that and wanted the divorce.  He wanted to be with me.  Well, after 4 months, he changed his mind.  I still remember that day; when he told me that he was going back home.  I did not cry, at least not in front of him.  I told him that I understood, and wish him luck.  That was in the morning, he did not leave and said that he want to see me at lunch time.  I did, and that was when I did cry.  I was trying to be strong and by lunch time; it hit me.  At that time, he changed his mind again, but I told him that he should go home.  Then I went back to work.

He emailed me that he was not going back home.  He wanted to stay with me.  He said that he realize what he was going to lose.  But....  He did need to go back home for the weekend, and he asked me to go with him.  I did....

That weekend, we had a confrontation with his ex.  It a long story, but in the end, I was the one to clam her down.  Luke was amazed with me.  He told me that no one could get to Courtney.  He was truly amazed how I talked to her and clam her down.  She was something, but I understood where she was at.  Been there, done that...  Well, not bad like she did, but I could feel for her.

Luke and I came back home, and by Tuesday that week.  He was packing his bags again.  The night before, we had talked, but he did not tell me that he was going to leave.  He told me before I left for my morning classes. I knew he was going to do that.  I told him again to go back home.  I understood, then left.  I did not cry.  I had a classes in the morning with a break in between.  I came home during the break.  I could not let him leave the way I left it.  When I drove up the apartment parking lot.  Yes, I could see his truck loaded.  I ran up to the apartment and he was at the door.  He saw that I drove up.  I was crying and ran into his arms.  He kissed me so hard and long with tears in 'both' our eyes.  I still remember....

But... in the end of that conversation, I told him to forget about me and work things out with Courtney.

Yes, I did....

Oh well...  I was trying to be strong and trying to do the right thing.  I am still trying to do that.  Luke needs to decide what he wants and live life that way.  Be it with Courtney, then he needs to deal with every problems he has with her.  If he wants me; he needs to figure that out on his own.

I don't want to even think about that.  I am watching the 'Sex and the city,' strange because they are talking about men who cheat, and how they will not leave their wives.  Plus, Luke did not cheat, he was already separated from his wife when we dated me.

Also, my ex did leave me, so what are the odds of men who say that they are goign to leave, and men who wants to leave but will not.

I do not want to think about this right now.  If Luke would leave his wife and come to me.  What troubles we would have.  How would I trust him that he has made his mind up, and that he would not change his mind and leave me for her again.

I am thinking about this because it has happen to my friend. I told her that things happen for a reason, and that there are no guarantees in life.

I need to stop....  Nothing has happen for me to be thinking about this.

Tillnext time.....

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