I AM FEELING REALLY DOWN.........
I CAN NOT GET MY HUSBAND OFF MY MIND. I CAN NOT GET HIM OUT OF THIS HOUSE. I HEAR FROM HIM, EVERYDAY. I AM DREAMING ABOUT HIM. IT HAS BEEN HARD THESE PASS COUPLE OF DAYS.
I WILL TELL YOU HOW PATHETIC I AM..........
AT NIGHT IN BED....... I LAY ALL MY EXTRA PILLOWS ON HIS SIDE OF THE BED. TRICKING MY MIND....... ALSO, HIS DRESS DRAWERS ARE STILL EMPTY. LIKE I AM WAITING FOR HIM TO RETURN....... THE CLOSET, HIS SIDE IS STILL WAITING FOR HIM, TOO.......
I CAN'T GET HIM OUT......
I REALLY DON'T WANT TOO....... I WISH FOR HIM TO WALK BACK INTO THIS HOUSE. LOOK INTO MY EYES. ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. TELL ME HE LOVES ME AND ALWAYS WILL. THAT WE COULD WORK AT THIS. AND HOLD ME FOREVER.........
I KNOW I AM WISHFUL THINKING HERE......
AND ALL THE WISHING WILL NOT CHANGE WHAT IS HAPPENING.......
BUT I COULD DREAM, HUH.......
GOOD NITE.......BRINx.........
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
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I have yet to read your whole journal, so I do not know where you stand w/ your husband, as in talking to him everyday.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are going through the pain you are, I know exactly what its like.
It may not seem like it now but it does get better. I don't know if he's giving you hope that you two will get back together. Either way, be strong, and confident w/ him. He'll respect that.
I applaud you for being able to write your true thoughts down, the way I used to fantasize about my ex, like that, just brought back the way it made me feel through you. Journaling helps though, so that is good.
Delaine
http://journals.aol.com/blueblueandblew/BluesLifeOrNot
You aren't pathetic...I use to lay like that in the bed after me and Terry broke up because I was so use to him being there with me. I would tell him though, that he needs to leave you alone for a while so that you can get your head clear.
ReplyDeletehugs,
Kathi
I know the divorce thing too...It was heart wrenching for me as well. I couldnt eat, sleep or wasnt even motivated to do anything. Alone in my apartment one late night.. I tunned into a chrisitan show on TV, the show would quote words Jesus says from the bible, after see that I realized that God loves me....and belive it or not I prayed that night and the next day i felt a whole lot better. I'm not trying to get religious on you but thats what worked for me. Andrew
ReplyDeleteAwww, sweety, my heart hurts for you just reading this. You are showing the other side of divorce and what it feels like to be on the end that never wanted it to begin with. Just think of this, you might be helping that ONE person out there who is going through the same thing knowing that she is not alone in this world. There are so many of us out there who have felt the very SAME things you are feeling right now! The pillows on the side of the bed so you don't feel so alone, the never filling those drawers because they are "his", the leaving the closet half empty for "his stuff". It's the little things that get to you everyday, as you are finding. It's a mourning though, so give yourself time. You are mourning the ending of your marriage and that's not something that will come quickly or easily. Just hang in there and know that you are not the first woman out there to feel this way.
ReplyDeleteBIG HUGS TO YOU,
Lisa
I hope your feeling better. Some days seem harder than others, right ?? I'm sorry your having a tough few days. Keep being strong.
ReplyDeleteEllen
Brin...I'm sorry this is so hard. I hope you are hanging in there, I'm sure each day you will have moments of sadness and I hope that each day will get better for you. Be strong...show him how confident you are...even when you are struggling. My thoughts are with you...HUGS!!!
ReplyDeleteMichele